(Closed) Need advise from bees who married a man with children.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Being a parent to bonus children can be difficult. At times it can be hard not knowing where to step in and when it just isn’t your right.  DH’s ex-wife is very difficult, which only started after we got engaged. She has become evil essentially. I do what I can to stay out of it. I do not have negative conversations with her and I have realized that arguing with DH about standing up for himself gets us no where. 

I never communicate anything negative to the little guy about his Mom and niether does DH. Your FI is correct with the thinking that his children understand the dynamics and if he is the one that stays positive, his relationship with them will stay that way. I actually posted recently on here and lots of ladies from divorced families said that they watched their Moms act negative about their fathers and eventually resented her for it, not him. 

There have been times in my relationship where I wonder if I made the right choice in choosing someone to marry that has children, because of the added stress it adds to our life. This has nothing to do with my bonus son, I love him as if he was my own, it striclty has to do with ex-wife, and not just the way she treats DH, but the way she treats her own son. It gives me a heavy heart. 🙁

With that said, I have never once felt like I gave up anything to be with DH. He is the love of my life, and I am so lucky to have him there. I have made sacrifices, which everyone has to when getting married, but having your own children is a very large sacrifice to make. I would make sure that you’re ready for that and won’t be resentful. Sometimes love isn’t enough if it would ruin the way you thought your life would be.

 

Post # 4
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

What a frigging cow this woman is. 

If I were you, I would surprise them with special things and don’t let them be known in advance.  Don’t take it personally; this is something that people with very little self-esteem or self-confidence do.  They are always worried that someone is going to take their love away from their kids.  Bozos!

There’s a special place in hell for people like her.  What kind of horrible person would not be thrilled at the idea of having another person around to love her children?!  GEEZE!

 

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