Need advise from the married bees here!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Haha after all the excitement? All I felt was relief. I was married to my best friend and love. As far as advice about marriage, ha, HUGE topic. I suppose from the few months of marriage I’ve had the best advice I have is to deal with issues as if they were external. Rather than “you’re spending too much money”, deal with the problem separate from the person, as in “too much money is being spent; what can we do to budget better?”. And don’t sweat the small stuff (this goes for your wedding, too!)

Post # 5
3777 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Communicate, communicate, communicate!!

It really doesn’t get more complicated than that, imo.

Post # 6
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I think it’s different for everyone. At the same time, we’ve charted a rather conventional path. After the wedding was over we switched into hardcore house hunting mode. Then, after buying the house we switched into nesting mode. Then one of us made a big job change. And now we are considering TTC. Life is constantly moving forward. The biggest difference for me is the sense of security and safety that I have in knowing that, no matter what lies on the horizon, I have my husband by my side to be my partner in navigating through things. And, as a PP alluded to, we are always working on our communication skills. Each change is a challenge to work through together, and being able to effectively communicate with each other is our key to success. That, and making sure that I’ve had my coffee. haha


Post # 7
2070 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor

Everyone will have different advice for you, but here’s my 2 cents: always keep an open line of communication (we discuss everything, even the super-gross stuff, and we keep no secrets). Try REALLY hard not to go to bed angry – that’s my parents’ #1 rule, and they’ve been married 32 years. And have fun! Life is too short to always be so serious. We love to go on adventures and try new things all the time; it keeps the spice and romance alive and helps us grow even closer. 

Post # 9
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Good topic.

I’d say that as you’ve discovered often times too much emphasis is put on the relatively short period of time one is engaged for…

And not enough emphasis put on the other aspects of getting married.

Sure the Wedding is a BIG deal, but not enough people consider for starters the Honeymoon.  Too many couples cram every dime into the Wedding for Family & Friends (which I get, cause in many ways it is a BIG deal this two families coming together to bless a NEW family)

BUT after the Vows, the Food, the Cake and the Dancing… at the end of the day…

There is just the 2 of you.

And that needs to be celebrated… by the two of you… ALONE

And that is what makes a Honeymoon a wonderful thing.

I am an Encore Bride… and so I knew how important the Honeymoon was to the foundation of the Marriage, so this time round, I put less emphasis on the BIG Pouffy White Wedding, for others… and more importance on US.

Consequently… we Eloped to a fabulous Destination to say our vows together on a Beach… and it was all part of a wonderful once in a lifetime trip, and Honeymoon.  And it was FRICKIN AWESOME

Brides often talk about the “let down” or Blues they feel after the Wedding is over… your brain does wonder why the world has suddenly slowed down… lol

So I for one could not imagine not moving from whirlwind back to real life routine… without the natural “slow down” gap that is a Honeymoon.

It is such a wonderous thing to have such a special time alone with your Sweetie, even if you’ve spent years and years cohabitating prior to the marriage.

In the very least I encourage Bees to look at taking a Mini-Moon if they cannot afford a full blown Honeymoon after the Wedding… at the very least a few days to relax and rewind.  Does a body (and a marriage) good IMO

Hope this helps,


Post # 10
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Make a plan, set some goals, and focus on really getting to know (and serve) each other.

We are very traditional, so we waited to move in together and were celibate until marriage. It gave us a lot to focus on – for me, learning how to cook things we both liked. Learning how to split household chores. Additionally, we were both students so balancing a new marriage between work, school, and everything else was definitely a learning experience (not to mention that we immediately moved 800 miles from home).

I guess the best advice I can say is: get into the habit of serving each other. After the “honeymoon period” (I say that somewhat facetiously because I’m not sure it that’s a real thing- I can’t say that mine has ended. We disagree on occasion, but on Friday night date night I still feel like a giggly teenager), being in the habit of serving each other really strengthens your relationship and increases the love you have for each other. It makes the hard parts more bearable.

Post # 11
1022 posts
Bumble bee

Remember to appreciate eachother and appologize when you’re wrong. It is so easy to get caught up in everyday life and forget all the small (and sometimes big) things that you do for eachother.

Sometimes all the other person needs to hear from you is I”m sorry I was wrong. There doesn’t need to be a long dragged out fight, if people would be man/woman up and appologize.

As for after the wedding celebrations I’ll never forget I woke up beside my husband looked at him and said very enthusiastically “it’s over!!” we were both relieved. However after the honey moon I did get the post-wedding blues, which is totally normal. I found the easiest way to cope was just letting myself get excited over the next thing in our lives whether is was the holidays, house hunting, a fun weekend…. enjoy all the small moments as well as the big ones.

Post # 12
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@katherin788:  You continue to communicate and HAVE FUN! You learn to enjoy each other’s company.

We went from marital newlywed bliss, to nit-pick arguing and forgetting communication, and then back to communication and starting to understand each other like we always have, and then to getting a house, dog, and now pregnancy.

There is SO much to look forward to after the wedding planning stops. You will experience job opportunities, family events, hobbies both old and new, and much more.

Post # 13
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@katherin788:  I agree with PPs!  We’re 2 months past the wedding now and we are so glad to have life back to normal.  My stress levels are back to normal and we are just enjoying every minute we have to relax together.  


Honestly, being married doesn’t feel all that different.  We’d been living together already and sharing joint finances, but the novelty of being “husband and wife” is nice  🙂


I would say my best piece of advice is to remember that this is it, and you’re in it for the long haul.  Don’t argue about stupid things, because they don’t matter.  We try not to bicker or blow up over silly things, because there’s really no point.  We try our hardest to work on improving our communication skills and become better partners in this life we’re building together, one step at a time.


Good luck!

Post # 14
2785 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Honeymoon comes after the wedding ! haha

Honestly, for me adjusting to married life was new in itself….we didn’t live together so it was new territory. I am not sure if it will be much different if you already live together…but it is an adventure for sure. A grand one…I love it!

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