Post # 1
I am in need of some bridesmaid advice. One of my bridesmaids has been my friends throughout college. When I asked her to be in the wedding I knew that she was a bit eccentric but I thought she had an “off switch.” But as the months have passed it turns out she really doesn’t have a filter for what leaves her mouth and has seriously offended some of my family members and also pretty much called my dress ugly among many other things. I have taken all of her comments in stride pretty well up until she started to act very childish… (This is a bit lengthy and I hope it’s not too confusing. I’m sorry!)
Basically here is what happened: Two weekends ago one of my other BM’s (we’ll call her BM2) family (mom and aunts) were in town to take her out before we graduated. My fiancé’s best man also drove into the city on a whim. So at the last minute the three of us also decided to go down town and ended up running into BM2 and her family. The next day BM2 posted group pictures on fb of me, her and her family. Later that night I got a text BM1 asking why she never gets invited to anything. I was a bit caught off guard by the question and just responded with I don’t know what you mean; to which she said never mind. I repeatedly asked her if she was ok, if she wanted to talk, and what she meant only to get no response. So at the same time I got in contact with BM2 to ask her if she knew what was bothering BM1 to which BM2 said she didn’t know but she wondered if it had to do with BM1’s status on fb. So I looked it up and it was a quite lengthy paragraph about her finding out that people she thought were her friends are “fake” friends and never really cared about her. She also took off a group that she had created to the BMs could keep in touch. So after talking BM2 and I decided to talk to BM1. I tried to call her and BM2 sent her a message apologizing that if BM1 felt left out because she didn’t invite her down town when her family was here and stating that it was not her intent at all. BM1 did not respond. During the week I sent BM1 a picture of me in my dress; she did not respond. This weekend we graduated together and I got the feeling she was avoiding me and wouldn’t even take pictures with me. I am just really hurt that she is being so childish about something that she hasn’t even talked to us about and we don’t even know what is bothering her we are just assuming. And we can’t find out if she keeps ignoring us.
Not only have I been worried all along that she will outrageously offend my family at the wedding but at this point I am also worried that she will continue to not talk to me and make the wedding day very awkward. With the situation aside, I don’t know if our relationship will continue because she has offended so many people I am close to as well as myself. I have experienced so much stress from BM1 that I am at the end of my rope and I kind of wish I could ask her to just step down. But what makes this whole situation worse is that her parents are supposed to be dj-ing our wedding. I am just at a complete loss of what to do. What to you all think? Any suggestions?
Post # 3
Oh my goodness, I thought my wedding planning was stressful enough before I formally asked my girls to be in my bridal party. I asked my best friend of a few years to be my MOH-it was a natural choice above my two sisters, my fiances sister, and others because we are the closest. Her mother is making us our cake for free, as well as making a few other odds and ends (flower girls basket, my veil, ring bearers pillow). However…MOH is turning out to be a monster. I formally asked my last 3 girls two days ago to be in my wedding party. Not 20 minutes later, she is swarming them with her phone number and email and asking when they are free to watch movies and go to lunch together. I let it go, and figured if they felt overwhelmed or weirded out, they would be big girls and speak up. But later on when I was showing the girls the two dresses my fiance and I had picked out for them, MOH turned green and contradicted everything that I said. She told my girls to make accounts on Alfred Angelo and add dresses to their favorites because she “has like 14 she can’t wait to try on” and saying my dress choices were ugly and to be swept under the rug. UM, HELLO I’m right behind you and I’m pretty sure I’m the one getting married!? These two instances are not the only problems we’ve encountered, but just the most recent. She is constantly in need of attention, and will do anything to make sure it is on her. Including an extremely similar situation to the one you’re in right now with her not feeling included. I feel like we’re dealing with the same girl!!
I’m seriously considering firing her as MOH and reinstating her as a BM..but I don’t know. At this point I’ve been trying to tolerate her overbearing and pushy attitude because I do not want to make her mom angry or frustrated with me and then get stuck with no veil, no cake, no basket, and no pillow. But at this point, I’m willing to take the loss and deal with a little less stress!
I would seriously try to explain the situation to her parents, and tell her that she is being way immature and out of control. If they get upset with you, then I think it’s best to give her the boot and try to find another girl and DJ to fill the holes before time runs out. Hope this helps!!
Post # 4
There are two issues here:
1. Your BM making rude comments to you and your family. You need to let her know how you feel, let her know that it hurts your feelings and give her examples of the things she has said and how it has made you feel.
2. Your BM is obviously jealous of your other friends and the time you spend with them (her perception of the time you spend with them). I would reach out to her via phone (no email or text or facebook) and try to talk to her in person. Explain the situation with graduation and running into the other friend’s family and explain it wasn’t intentional to leave her out.
Post # 5
Hey ladies! Thanks for the advice and sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you! I was waiting for BM1 to get back to me, which was quite a process. I did decide to just talk to her about her feelings of being left out and assured her that it was not intentional. However, I also decided to address her offending many members of my family. She did not respond well and it was decided it was best for her not to stand up in the wedding because she couldn’t be in the room with such “judgmental” people. I told her I respected where she was coming from because she grew up from a more liberal family where mine is much more traditional.
Long story short it was not a very fun night but now I am actually relieved that I will not have to be constantly stressed over what she will do on the wedding day.
Post # 6
Woohoo! Props to you for being brave and standing up! Everything will be much easier now without having to worry about this issue!