Post # 1
Hi guys–looking for your thoughts.
I have friend from growing up who over the years we’ve grown apart (distance and things in common)–normal. We used to typically talk about monthly, always on holidays and we’ve vacationed together a few times. Every time we are together she has a special way of getting under my skin with unnecessary comments that are intended to hurt me. I think she’s jealous for one reason or another. For that reason, I made the conscious decision to not ask her to be in my bridal party. I don’t know if she was expecting to be? Based on the reaction, I’m guessing she was. But we’re truly not that close so in my opinion that’s a huge expectation. I figured if she did expect it and was upset she’d call me (she’s not one to shy away from controversy). I had my answer prepared—“You live about a 4 hour plane ride away. You just finished grad school and have a new job. Being in a wedding is a big commitment, financial/time, etc and it would be more of a hassle for you given recent life changes. I would like you to be there, a reader perhaps? Etc.etc.). Instead she entirely stopped talking to me. I called her on Christmas (crickets), texted her for New Years (crickets), she did not call or send a card, text, fb message for my birthday, being the better person I sent a card and fb message for her birthday (crickets). I sent her an invitation to the wedding and she did not RSVP (again crickets). So now what should I do? My wedding is in a week. We are still friends on fb. Should I unfriend her? I know that sounds stupid, but part of me doesn’t want her to see my pictures. Then the other part says look at the pictures—look what you missed!! I don’t know? What would you do? Anyone else have any similar drama?
Post # 3
This might come out sounding harsh, I don’t mean it to… but I wouldn’t bother unfriending her… if she doesn’t care enough to reply, she likely doesn’t care enough to check out the pictures either… Besides! By not doing anything, you’re being the bigger person. It really really sucks that you have to go through this (I’ve had friends like this in the past) but the sad truth is, some people are immature (her) and feel entitled to things they don’t necessarily have business being part of.
Your reasons were completely understandable, fair, and reasonable. You didn’t cut her out of your special day completely, and she over reacted… don’t let it get you down!
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
I don’t think you need to unfriend her (although you are perfectly justified to)… but I would stop trying so actively to contact her. Friendship is a two way street and your friend obviously isn’t reciprocating.
Post # 5
If she didn’t rsvp, I would treat her like any other invited guest. I would send her an email saying that unless we heard back from her by ___, we were going to have to assume that she is unable to make the wedding and we will miss her.
Post # 6
@jennycro: You already have your answer – you said in your opinion you weren’t that close to each other anyway. If you don’t want her to see your wedding pics, unfriend her on FB. (Ugh. Sorry, I hate FB). She is no longer your friend and obviously doesn’t want to be since she’s been ignoring you for quite awhile. I wouldn’t have kept pursuing someone for the past six months who kept ignoring me – she is sending you a message loud and clear that she is over it (your friendship). So now you need to move past it, too.
Post # 7
I would just leave it alone and move on. She obviously is too immature and not a friend in the first place if she is acting the way she is. You have done what you can and so I would have someone else fill in the place you had meant for her. I know what you mean about the defriending on fb and feeling stupid to even say that, but I would keep her as a friend, but just stop trying to talk to her. If she wants to talk to you then she can.
Post # 8
Thanks guys for your support! I agree. The opposite of love isn’t hate it’s indifference. So by doing nothing, it should speak volumes. Thanks for the encouragement!!
@mayflowerbride13: You are 100% right, she’s not worth the effort of unfriending
Post # 9
Hi, just a 2c from me! I think she would actually look at the photos, b/c she obviously has some sort of issue (her issue, not yours) with you and this is evident by her non-contact. I agree with the bees that she’s not worth any conscious effort over, but you cld put her in a select group (“limited group”) where she doesn’t see any albums you upload to FB (i.e. use the “everyone except limited group” setting) and also make the limited group not able to see pics ppl tag of you.
This way you cld ensure she doesn’t see any pics of the wedding, but she wouldn’t know this or that you made any changes. So you can stop her seeing pics but she wld just have to assume that noone uploaded any (ha ha, but she cld never prove this limited gp b/c no other changes to the page).
Thought I wld just let you know as this might be a mid-way solution too. 🙂 Good luck for your big day!!
Post # 10
@TinaJade: I agree with TinaJade. Don’t unfriend her, because that’s more likely to start even more drama (e.g. “Jennycro deleted me just because I didn’t go to her wedding!”) Just continue to ignore her and adjust your facebook settings so she can’t see the wedding photos when you upload them.
OR, you could upload them and let her see what she missed out on (if you wanna be really mean, tag her in your favourite ones and say “I’m really sorry you couldn’t make it! We’re glad you could be with us in spirit though!”)