Post # 1
So my boyfriend and I have been together for four years now, and we have both openly stated that we want to be married someday. About two years ago we talked about when we would want to be married by. I stated that I have always dreamed of a winter wedding and that January of 2014 would be a good time. He agreed and soon asked how long I would like to be engaged. I told him a year, so he then stated that he would propose by the end of 2012 (meaning that we would be engaged for 13 or less months). It is now one month until the end of 2012 and I am at my wits end. I have seen no evidance of him even thinking about a ring or so on. I love him to death but he is a bit of a procrastinator. Every single anniversary we have had he waits until the hour before we celebrate organize anything.
Fortunately, my father is a master jeweler and can make my ring and get my boyfriend a great deal. But having been in the business my entire life, I know that it can take up to a month to find a diamond that is up to your exact standards and price. I do not want him to wait til last minute to find something, and have to settle with something that is more expensive. Diamonds are only getting more expensive as time goes by.
I am scared that he has forgotten his statement from two years ago. I have mentioned subtedly to him the topic, but soon change the subject because i dont want to nag. Unfortunately, because I think that it is only a month away. All I can think about is a wedding, and in essence that is really all I want to talk about.
I try to just talk to my friends about it, but they are all single (unwillingly), and wedding stuff is the last thing they want to discuss. How do I keep from nagging, or keep the anticipation off my mind?
Post # 3
The million dollar question- how not to nag?! Haha.
I am in the same boat as you- a waiting bee- I know that it’s coming this year and I literally cannot get anything done!!
Firstly, isn’t it conceivable that your SO has spoken to your dad already and set things in motion? If you’re quite sure he hasn’t and it’s getting to you – is a gentle nudge out of the question? How much does he know about the ring that you want?
I have been determined to STOP bringing it up and have failed miserably about 10 times now. My last slipup was this morning and I’m determined that it was the final one. When I feel the urge to ask I have been bringing up ideas for our next holiday- something that is also exciting and distracting!
I do think that there are ways to bring it up without nagging..
Post # 4
@katy13: I would get busy with holiday things or another hobby till after NYE. If he doesn’t propose by then, I would consider moving on with my life.
Post # 5
If you guys aren’t openly discussing ring plans etc I would just try to relax and hope for a new years proposal. If he doesn’t propose by then you’ll have a bigger issue at hand but dont cross that bridge til you get there.
Maybe drop some hints of “oh look at this pretty ring on Pinterest/ Facebook whatever” to gauge his reaction.
Post # 6
Just occupy yourself with holiday/Christmas/New Year’s festivities. Try not to think abt it at all. I know, it’s easier said than done. But try!
Then if nothing happens like early to mid-January, ask him abt it. Maybe something unexpected happened.
Post # 7
Am I the only one here who says whatever she thinks? lol
I’d just straight up go “HEY boyfriend!…you know it takes a while to find a nice diamond right? You know they’re getting more and more expensive right? Get off your ass and get me one like you said you would!”
If he’s a procrastinator, he’s going to need a lil naggin.
ETA: I just saw the part about you thinking it might be a month away? Maybe hold tight til after the holidays then….’tis the season (to get engaged) after all!
But seriously Jan 2 I’d start warming up my wagging finger
Post # 8
@Sasha2011: I agree.
P.s. we are women, nagging is in our nature! We don’t stop till we get what we want!
Post # 9
@sydneygal444: He knows exactly what type of ring I want. And I would think that it could be possible that he has spoken to my dad, but very unlikely. In the summers I work with my dad, and we also live three hours away from our parents. So unless he has talked to him over the phone I would think that it is unlikely.
I have dropped hints here and there and we are celebrating our anniversary this next weekend. but I really doubt it will be this soon. He has had project after project to do I know he really hasn’t had much time to do anything else that including sleep.
Thank you guys for your advise. I am just going to “wait” it out and hope for the best! I will try to keep busy and inevitably drop hints now and then. I probably won’t have the big talk until the middle of January if he has not already popped the question. I told him I wanted to be engaged for a year and the middle of January would be exactly that.
I know that he told mit two years ago that it would be by the en of this year, but maybe he is waiting until the Christmas break to be with family so that he can ask permission etc. I would love a New Years engagement with all of our family and friends around. But a girl can dream right! Haha.
Thank you again Bee’s!
Post # 10
@katy13: Sounds more like you just want to know he’s doing something. Honestly? Have an open, honest conversation and then drop it. Simply remind him that it may take him longer than he thinks to find a diamond if he hasn’t already started. Once he knows that, I’d leave it alone until after New Year’s and then mention to him that venues fill up fast and you’d best get started to nudge him into gear. You have a little leeway cause most weddings don’t take place in winter, so it’s possible you could not get engaged until spring and still be able to get everything done. So don’t freak out just yet! 🙂
Post # 11
@Sasha2011: yes, this! I’d give him a chance. And maybe he is intimidated by the thought of asking your dad?
Post # 12
@kerensa: I honestly think that he is more scared to tell his parents than to ask my dad. lol. His parents always made it clear that he should be in his late twenties before he gets married and we are 22. He does not believe what his parents taught him, but I think the thought of talking to them about it, sresses him out.
Post # 13
@katy13: Please don’t get me wrong here, you should get married whenever you BOTH want to.
You need to sit down and have a serious conversation about if its going to happen in 2014, or if its going to happen later.
Nothing wrong with being a young bride, there is nothing wrong with waiting until school or whatever is over either. Or saving for a house payement. As amazing as weddings are, something they are not in the financial cards just yet.
Talk about it. Don’t “nag” there is a big difference.
And on the “nagging” thing. What happened to having adult conversations? Our men are not children. They can handle being spoken to like adults.
Post # 14
Lol I suppose I wouldn’t be much help because I wasn’t very subtle. About 6 months into my relationship with my now FI he asked me if I would marry him — if and when he officially asked. I said yes but it had to be after we had been together for awhile longer. I think once that subject has been opened you tend to start thinking about it a lot more then if the subject had not been discussed. So forward another 2 years . . . I am waiting for the official ‘proposal’ but like your man mine forgets and procrastinates. So I just flat out asked him when he was going to propose. Subtle right? He said soon. About two months later he did, very romantic I might add, and that was a year ago. So now we are planning our wedding which is next year in May. He knew he wanted to marry me in the very beginning and I knew I would marry him too but I think when you start getting comfortable with how the relationship is (especially if you live together) you feel like you are already married lol.
Post # 15
Well you guys tonight his parents came into town, and when I was alone with his mom for a little she kept metioning wedding stuff. Not a wedding pertaining to me, but just wedding (not on any one person either). She has done this to me once before and I did not think anything of it. But tonight I was flabbergasted. I did not know what to say to her, or even know what to add to the conversation. Because of what they have always told my SO about age and marriage, but now she seems excited about the topic.
So on with my story. I used this talk with his mom as a perfect way to ask my SO about all of it.
I asked him why he thinks his mom would bring the topic up. Obviously his answer was IDK and maybe that she just wanted to have something to talk about.
So I then ask if they(his parents) know what our wedding plan is. And then asked if he knew when he wants to be married. And he said January of 2014!!!
I was beyond excited and tried so hard to keep it in. As far as his answer to if his parents know our plans is that he “thinks” they know.
So anyways, I had to share some of the good news, that at least he hasnt forgotten when we would like to be married. Now I just hope he remembers the one year engagement! 🙂
Thank you Bee’s for your advise I am beyond excited to at least hear the words wedding in January 2014 from his lips again since the last time was two years ago.
It is so nice to know that he does listen sometimes. 😛
I HOPE to have a ring to post in the next month! Yay!