Post # 1
I’m looking to you for advice!
I’m Swedish, have lived in Canada for more than 5 years and I’m engaged to a Canadian. We’re getting married in Sweden this summer in a small ceremony (maximum 45 guests). My FI has one best man and I have two bridesmaids (no MOH, I love them equally). I’ve known my girls for more than 10 years, we’ve shared so much and I miss them constantly – they feel like the perfect choice and I couldn’t be happier. Since they’re both in Sweden I’ve told them they don’t have to worry about bachelorette parties etc, I’m just glad if I can talk ideas with them and have them with me the days leading up to the wedding. They’ve been great so far, and we’ve been discussing tons of dresses over Skype and WhatsApp. My problem is that I have to get the dress here in North America, and they can’t come here for it. I’ve tried to go to a few bridal stores myself, but it honestly feels very sad. I want someone with me – to give me advice and laugh!
So, here’s my question. My FI suggested I ask two good friends that I have in town if they want to come along. I would love to go dress shopping with them, but I’m worried that they will take that as an invitation to join the wedding party/be upset that they aren’t. As our wedding is so small, having 2 bridesmaids is already a little excessive, so it would feel strange to have any more than that (we don’t really do huge bridal parties at all in Sweden). What do you think? Can I ask them to come along, and if I do so – how can I make certain I don’t hurt their feelings?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
As long as you are clear about it from the get-go then you should be fine. Let your local friends know that due to your budget you are only having a few maids and that your maids live too far away to help you out and you would love for them to help you with dress shopping. They may decline and don’t be mad at them for doing so but I think asking them is the least you can do. Now I wouldn’t have them try on the bridesmaid dresses, that would be weird since they are not in the bridal party. You should try on the dresses yourself.
There is always hurt feelings involved when friends are not invited to be a part of the bridal party. I have never been asked even by people I considered to be close friends and yes, it hurts. Some friends will get over it and others will hold a grudge and you will have to deal with it to an extent.
Post # 4
@beachbride1216: Thanks for your advice, I feel better about asking them now! I really felt unsure about it, as I’ve understood that the bridal party is a much more emotional thing here than what I’m used to.
As for the bridesmaids dresses, no I wouldn’t ask my Canadian friends to try them out. That would be too weird. 🙂 I’ve actually given my Swedish bridesmaids the option to choose their own dresses (as long as they are blue and cover their shoulders) as we don’t have the same vendors as they.
Post # 5
If you let them know ahead of time your reasons for having a small bridal party, they will hopefully be understanding. I went wedding dress shopping with one of my best friends (she was one of my bridesmaids!) this weekend actually, and I’m not in her wedding party! She’s having a tiny destination wedding in Mexico, so she’s only having her sister stand up with her, which I 100% understand! I was still honored that she even ASKED me to go shopping with her and we had a blast.
Post # 6
Yeah, you’re totally fine! Phrase it like this: “Would you possibly want to go dress shopping with me? My bridesmaids are all in Sweden and I’d love to have someone to go with!”
Post # 7
Could you go with your FI’s family members (mom, sister?) for moral support?
Post # 8
@misspeanut: Ok, feel much better now! Have read so much wedding party drama here that I got all worried about offending them!
@jo.lee: I’ll memorise that line!
@Double_rainbow: I wish I could, but my FI’s sister is very political and a lesbian and not into weddings at all. So she might come along to be kind, but I don’t think she would like it. Don’t want to force it upon anyone that think it’s silly! As for his mum, well… we don’t get along, so that won’t work either. 🙁