(Closed) Need bridesmaid advice

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Oooh. That’s sticky. Depending on how much money it is, I would grin and bear it. If it’s an amount that would kind of hurt you guys, I might consider talking to your MOH about an alternative solution. Here are some things to consider:

1. The BM probably just wants to be supportive and stand by you on your big day. That should make you smile!

2. Money is money. Friends are really valuable.

3. Those two things being the case, follow your gut. If you sense she is manipulating the situation, call her on it nicely, or ask MOH how to handle it.

 

I hope that helps!

 

 

Post # 4
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Is your FI uncomfortable having been asked?

I’m kind of one of those people who wouldn’t mind chipping in for whatever party, just so it would be awesome. BUT I’m not real big on 1) following formal etiquette rules 2) being treated like some kinda princess just because I’m getting married.

Sounds like they wanna give you a great party; why not let them?

Post # 5
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Maybe this is how they feel it “should” be done and that you’re only offering a simple party to be…polite?

In some circles, an at-home, potlucked bridal shower is almost unheard of. After hearing about elaborate ones online, I was surprised to find that around here, most showers ARE thrown in in someone’s home!

Just make sure the bachelorette party doesn’t get out of hand. I mean, if they want to throw you a nice shower…how much money could it possibly cost between all the bridesmaids and your FI? $20? $50? When it’s all said and done, I doubt it’ll be anything grossly expensive

Post # 6
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

What a sticky situation. Is it breaking the bank for you guys to help out? I’m not so sure that was even the MOH’s intention is bringing it up … perhaps FI just offered? Maybe your friends just want to see you have the party you deserve. And they seem like great, well-intentioned friends … so if it’s not causing a hardship … I think this is one thing I might just let go.

Post # 8
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

For the most part, I’d say let it pass.  I’m wondering if the Bm with $ issues, is trying to go with the flow of wha others want, not trying to be difficult.  Perhaps she got in over her eads and with so much already planned, doesn’t want to rock the boat at this point.  She might also be embarassed to come forth with “I don’t have the money.”  And sometimes people can be judgy, like, “You knew about this.  Why didn’t you save more money.?” 

I’m sure there were some ways for this to have been avoided, but what’s done is done.  Unless this is an upsurd amount of money, or you truly think this BM is bluffing, I wouldn’t do anything.  It also sounds like, you aren’t supposedto know about it, since they went to your FI. (Like, we’re trying to keep kaanai in the dark about her shower.)  So they might be even more disappointed if you brought it up, since that would mean you know.

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