Need child custody advice please

posted 2 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

boogiewoogies:  I think your brother will get joint custody unless there is a glaring reason not to (which it doesn’t seem like there is). This is a sucky situation and unfortunately there isn’t much he can do legally to make her stop acting like a bitch, but he’s doing the right thing by getting custody so she can’t just move away with their daughter or something.


Post # 3
1363 posts
Bumble bee

boogiewoogies:  My brother has a job but his psycho gf does not. She left him one day when he wasn’t home and moved three states away. We called the cops but there was nothing they could do because it wasn’t considered kidnapping because there was no legal paperwork.

The only thing he can do is go through the court system. I’m afraid to say he will probably get join and the crazy ex gf will get half as well. My brother filed 6 months ago, and the judged orderd him a 3 week go pick up your kid thing and then next month the judge will decide who will get the kid.

But really this is just one part of a long never ending journey. It won’t end until your brother’s daughter is 18.

Post # 4
4649 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

boogiewoogies:  No real advice except that there are laws that a parent can’t just up and move the kid a certain # of miles away. So you might have that on your side in that she HAS to move closer or make arrangements to bring the baby every weekend or whatever custody he gets. Sorry you’re going through this. It’s gross when people use their kids like that.

Post # 5
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My sister just today settled a custody battle that’s been going on for a YEAR.  Only in her case it was her deadbeat ex trying to get partial custody (that didn’t happen).  

She’s in Indiana, so take this with a grain of salt, but I think the basics would apply no matter what state you’re in.

My first piece of advice is your brother MUST get a good lawyer.  Preferably one who specializes in fathers’ rights.  My second piece of advice is Document. Everything.  EVERYTHING.  Every email, text, anything.  Written evidence is best, so have him try to communicate that way.  He needs a dossier.  He’s trying to prove that he’s awesome and she’s less than awesome.  Her not having a job or a stable living situation (family is good, living in the living room is not) is going to go a long way toward him making his case.  

I expect that things will not change with regard to visitation until the court decides something.  The mother has custody by default right now, so she can pretty much do what she wants.  He should definitely document every time he TRIES to see her, even if the mom won’t let him.  He should ask ALL THE TIME.  The more he asks and tries, the more favorable he looks to the court.  

Just so you know, the court will likely encourage (or even require) them to use mediation.  If they can work things out themselves it’s a much better outcome (and less legal fees).  If they do mediation though, get your brother’s attorney to recommend the best one in your area – it can make a huge difference.  None of this is going to be cheap, but he has to get his ducks in a row and come out swinging.  Let me know if you have any other questions – I have unintentionally become pretty knowledgable about this subject!

Post # 8
2813 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m not an expert, but I think frequently the judge will at least order interim visitation rights for your brother, pending the outcome of the case. Unless she makes some serious accusations about him, I’d be surprised if he wasn’t at least granted temporary vistation while the case is ongoing. I agree with the PP who said a great lawyer is key!

Post # 9
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012


boogiewoogies:  I don’t have any advice, but I did want to say you are a good sister and aunt for helping your brother and the baby! I wish your family luck!

Post # 10
1363 posts
Bumble bee

KatieBklyn:  True. But if there is no papework filed that he was evil(and I’m sure he was not) Then the judge doesnt look at it.  I know my bros crazy pycho ex gf said he abused her and that things were awful and she “feared for her life.” The court asked if there was papework and if he had been arrested, or if there was a restraining order. Or if child services had come.  None of theses things had happened so the judge was like um…..???

Judges have seen and heard it all and can usually see through people. Thankfully!

boogiewoogies:  I know its hard. Its horrible your bro has to go through this. But stay the course. He’s doing what he should be. The wheels of justice move slowly….

Post # 12
1355 posts
Bumble bee

I have seen a similar situation where the first hearing came up pretty quickly and there was a a temporary order put in place for the Dad to get visitation.  The official parenting plan took time after a mediation and some back and forth.  I would tell him yes though to keep contacting her (not excessively) to ask for visitation.  It will look better than if she comes to court and says, hey, he hasn’t even asked to see her in six months, why should he get 50/50 custody? Also, the unfortunate thing to be prepared for is as long as the child is safe it is likely Mom will get more custody time, especially since that is the status quo for the whole first year, that Mom had primary custody.

Post # 13
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I assume your brother is on the birth certificate, and if he isnt, he needs a DNA test pronto. Has he been giving the mother any sort of financial help? If he has been contributing without a child support order, that money could later be considered a gift and, possibly, the mother could get retroactive support in addition to what he has already paid. I don’t live in California, but I think they are pretty progressive with regards to fathers’ rights (meaning they don’t always assume the child should only be with the mother). The custody case could be strung out for a year or more depending on how willing both parties are to cooperate. Even if your brother does get joint custody, there is a chance he will still have to pay child support. In the state I live, child support is used to “equalize” money support for the child on both sides of the coin (hence why your brother might still have to pay even though he has 50/50 custody).

My advice would be for your brother to file asap.

ETA: I just saw that your brother is serving the mother with papers. That is good. I think his best course of action would be to log all contact he has with the mother.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  TheMrsTulip.
Post # 14
2787 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

oneofthesethings:  I agree with you documentation is KEY. Also showing that extra effort of trying to be with the daughter cannot be stressed enough. 

boogiewoogies:  OP I hatte to say this, but baby mama is going to try to play dirty and make up lies in court to get her way. So it’s vital that your brother can prove without a reasonable doubt that he is able , ready and WILLING to take care of the child. Father’s have to work harder in court to get custodym even 50%. Sad to say, but this is one of those few things in life where women have the upper hand, but unfortunately it’s not always for the better. I say this because my father faught for custody and it took years, and even though he could prove my mom was unfit (she was in fact) he had to over proove that he was fit more so then her.


 Your bro will have to prove everything he is saying to the court. So make sure that his emotions or “nice guyness” gets in the way, and unfortunately a little cunning would be needed in this (not dishonesty, but cunning)

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  KingsDaughter.
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