Need closure from EX before Wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Quite honestly (and this is just me) but I don’t believe in finding closure. This isn’t a romantic movie. A breakup is the goodbye. A breakup is the closure. I could understand if god forbid he passed away, and you didn’t ever breakup, etc. That scenario will probably leave you with all sorts of feelings of non-closure.

To me, it sounds like you haven’t moved on from the relationship. I understand it was your first love, but that’s all it was, and now it’s time to build your life with the man you want to spend your life with.

Does your FI know about these feelings your having? Do you talk to him about this? How would you feel if he was doing this with his ex? 

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, I’m not trying to belitte your emotions, or negate what you’re feeling, but I think you really need some tough love here.

Post # 3
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t understand….he’s not dying. You can talk to him any time. Why do you need to “say goodbye”? Why not just…..talk to him when/if you see him again, even if you are married?

Post # 4
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You haven’t spoken to him in 3 years and, in that time, had a baby and got engaged.  What is there to close?  You both walked away and you both have new lives.  The closure ship sailed a long time ago.

Post # 5
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I agree with the above poster.  You’re looking for trouble, not closure.  Closure is from the movies.

 

You want his approval….and thats very inappropriate.

Post # 6
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

Yea, I also don’t understand your need for closure.  Meeting someone else and moving on is your closure, it’s better than closure, it’s a new and better path forward.  For me, I can definitely tell you that I have no need to ever see or speak to an ex again.  If I accidentally crossed paths with one, I would probably only want to punch him in the face for not giving me true love like my FI and for allowing me to disrespect myself by settling for less than I deserve, even if only for a short period of time.

Post # 7
Member
4640 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Closure happens when you break up. You’re engaged.. Stop looking for trouble. What exactly do you need from your ex to move forward with marrying your FI?…. His approval?

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
1947 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

“The last time we saw each other- as friends- it was assumed we would speak again or see each other and we haven’t”<br /><br />

I agree with you, the people I’ve had serious relationships with will always mean something to me.  Now that I’m married – it means we shared a special relationship in the past, but I still care about previous boyfriends.  

But, there is nothing to stop you from speaking again after you are married!  Why don’t you just email sometime after the wedding or next time he is in town and have lunch with him with your new husband?  You don’t need to cut off communication with your ex’es because you are getting married (as long as you are open about it with your new husband).

Post # 10
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

searock: This. You said yourself in your post that you had no reason to contact him. Like searock said, it’s not appropriate. 

Post # 11
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee

ALittleMouse:  Only you two understand your relationship and only you can deem it necessary for a “goodbye” although it would be weird to have this talk with him and then remain FB friends where you can communicate on the regular.

I get where you are coming from. I really do. i debated doing it once (to someone who was getting married) i wanted to apologize for the way things went down between us and that i wished him a lifetime of happiness – but honestly in the end, what good would it do? We had both obviously moved on and i griping it all up again is unecessary.

I think it may also give him the wrong impression if you reach out to him – that maybe you are geting cold feet or having 2nd thoughts or are just not 100% happy in your relationship (even if you swear to the stars you are happy). Also, would your FI feel OK about this?

Post # 13
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t think you are fully over your ex. If you were you wouldn’t feel this way. It’s natural to look back an appreciate someone who was in your life so long but you are broken up for a reason. There isint anything that says you can’t remaim cordial, wish each other a happy birthday, like a Facebook picture of him on occasion etc. but you shouldn’t suddenly feel the need to sit down and contact him.  I don’t understand need “closure” after such a long period of time. You only really need closure when there are still feelings behind it, to help you move on which you claim to have already done. Are you having cold feet about your wedding or wondering what if? 

Post # 14
Member
44 posts
Newbee

 

WOW we are like … an EX twin LOL. nearly EXACTLY the same situation. first love, six year, military, oversea, never said good bye (which actually really mattered to me for a while), dreamed of him comming to me again, now enagaged with FI.

i literally wrote him an e-mail in tears, but deleted it when finished writing.

i TOTALLY understand you !!!!!

 

but girl… look forward, don’t look back. your EX probably wont even expect any word from you, and is doing very fine, enjoying his own life oversea. i hope you get this point here lol

 

i respect military people with my utmost respect, a million times more to their spouses.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  lilblackbee.
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