Need encouraging words and comforting please. :(

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

Have you and your boyfriend sat down and had a discussion about when this engagement could happen?

I understand letting him take the wheel on this, to an extent, but seeing as how this is troubling you so much, a nice discussion about intentions and timing is probably necessary. 

 

Post # 4
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Relax. Take a deep breath. Your time will come when it’s right for the both of you. I just took a quick look at your previous posts and it seems like the two of you are on the same page – you want to get married. Getting a ring takes time, sometimes – he has to save up, pick out the ring, etc.

How long have you two been dating? Have you been ring shopping? Do you have a ring you want in mind?

Could you two start planning the wedding without a ring? Lot’s of people do that (I started before an official proposal) and end up getting a ring right before the wedding, just in time!

Post # 5
Member
2169 posts
Buzzing bee

OP, I agree with Ms. Butterfly–have y’all talked about engagement and a possible timeline?

@Rhopalocera:  I really love your name! Very creative 😉

Post # 6
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Keep being patient. But I know how you feel, and I know how hard it is to do that.

I was the same. My FI, then bf, and I had discussed marriage, kids, and had even discussed timeframes.

Then, nothing. When I brought up what’s your timeframe, his response was ‘I promise I’ll ask when I’m ready’ but he couldn’t tell me when that would be. I was starting to get scared and upset that he might never ready, and I’d lose a decade waiting, etc, etc.

The cheeky git had been to the jeweller that morning and I had no idea. It took months for the stone to get imported, the custom designed ring to be made, all the while I had no idea..

It will happen, and could be sooner than you think. 

Post # 9
Member
2089 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@foxtrot:  +1! It really could be sooner than you think! Not all guys take forever to get to that point of being ready to get engaged and it is a good sign that you already know in your heart that it will happen. My FI decided almost from the start that he wanted to marry me and it only took him 11 months to put a ring on my finger. Some men just make up their minds and do it! Have you two discussed a timeline?

Post # 12
Member
3271 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

I had some bad periods of waiting too, I know how you are feeling. For me, I felt inadequate. I didn’t understand why he wasn’t as anxious as I was. The more I stressed about it, the more insecure I got, until one day, I showed him some rings I liked and asked if we could go together to look. He needed that push. My husband loves me, this I know, but he takes his sweet time to get anything done. Anyways, that got the ball rolling and I felt much more sure of myself and sure of our relationship knowing that I had taken the reins. He proposed a month later.

Post # 13
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@katiecat08:  Well, seeing as things have changed, maybe you could ask for an update. “Are we still on track for an engagement?” or “Have you pushed back the date you were thinking of proposing by?” would likely be enough to bring you up to speed on his intentions. 

I understand not wanting to push him on this, but it makes no sense to me to be so uncertain about something that is very much your business. Asking simple questions about where your life is headed in the near future shouldn’t be a problem. 

If you need to ask him some questions, ask. If you trust him and believe what he said to you, try to keep yourself busy. 

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