Need Friendship/Frenemy Advice

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

You did the right thing.

There’s only so much time one can spend around someone like that without it taking a toll. You’ve said what you had to say, you’ve tried to help, and she has made it clear that she’s ok with how things are going for her. 

It appears that you ended this friendship in a good way, so don’t feel bad about it. You did what you had to do. 

Post # 4
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

She’s not good for your life, and she doesn’t want to change. You made the right decision!

Post # 5
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You did the right thing. This girl is a time-suck. She won’t change, and there’s nothing you can do about it. And she doesn’t have to see your side, because it’s her life. Your best bet is to walk away.

Post # 6
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@iloverocks:  We all grow at different paces…and it seems that perhaps you have outpaced her.  

I think you handled it very well Smile

PS–You asked: Maybe it is because I spend a lot of time around opinionated people who have their lives together?

YES.  I do believe there is some truth to ‘birds of the feather flock together…’ and ‘you are the company you keep’.  If your friend was trying to change, then I would support the friendship because it’s possible she could be more on your level.  Otherwise, (judgement based only on your post!) I would be afraid that you might be hanging out with her and get in trouble with the law by association.  YIKES.  

Post # 7
Member
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You most definitely did the right thing. 

Post # 8
Member
724 posts
Busy bee

You can’t have friendship without respect, and from what you have to say about her it’s pretty clear that it isn’t there.

It really, really sucks when those long term friendships fall by the wayside, but that’s just the way it goes sometimes. One way or another, it’s for the best.

Post # 9
Member
324 posts
Helper bee

@iloverocks:  I think that you made the right decision. I know that must have been hard for you, but it’s healthier for you to cut out this toxic relationship. It sounds like you’ve been a dedicated friend for years; unfortunately there has to be a limit. I think you conducted yourself very well 🙂 Hopefully you’ll feel better about all of this soon! Try going for an ice cream date with some of your good friends 🙂

Post # 11
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@iloverocks:  Yeah, I agree with the PP’s.  You did the right thing, and you handled it much more maturely and with more grace than I think I could have managed.  There’s not really a way to have that conversation properly, but I think you did far better than most would in that situation.  It takes real strength of character to make a change to kindly and compassionately remove toxic people from our lives when it would be far easier to keep things the way they are or worse, build up resentment.

Post # 12
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

You completely did the right thing.  I have kept my distance lately from a similar situation with a friend who also has never had to grow up.  She has it “so hard” yet her facebook is constantly filled with vacations, comic conventions etc.   Her parents do everything for her so she’s never known what it’s like to work a real job, be independent, etc. It’s frustrating so finally I just started to distance myself – not text her as much etc. Sucks but oh well…

Post # 13
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

It sounds like you were attempting an intervention by confronting her. Trying to open her eyes to the error of her ways and get her to change. However, you can’t do that alone. If you want to hold an intervention for her, you need her parents, other friends, and family to be in on it, too. And you should get a professional to help. Someone who can arrange rehab, counseling, and put together a plan to address her addictions.

If you are just sick of it and don’t want to deal with her shit anymore, then drop her as a friend. Don’t respond to messages, make plans to hang out, or call her. Some people are toxic friends (and we have all had them) and maybe it is best that the two of you move on.

Post # 14
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

You did the right thing! Friends are suppose to lift you up, support you, and understand you.  If she doesn’t value your friendship or your opinion, let her be.  Best of luck to her.

I recently had to let a friend go as well. Several mutual friends and I have done an intervention with her but she did not listen to us.  Honestly, I feel way less stressed out about it now, good riddance. 

Post # 16
Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

Sounds like you’re doing the right thing by putting distance between youself and her, and you should also be finding some real friends, people more on your wavelength.

Sounds like you’ve done some growing up and she hasn’t. You can’t force her to catch up to you. You also shouldn’t try to stunt your own growth. Having her around is just going to pull you away from growing even more and being the very best you you can possibly be. Because that will be even more different from who she is right now.

Gently let her go, and if necessary, be more firm about it, but until and unless she matures herself, she can only burden your life, and pull you down to where she is stubbornly stalling.

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