- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
I need help! I am incredibly confused about how to approach the situation my Fiance and I have found ourselves in. Apologies now for the long post…
We are of different cultural and religious backgrounds. My family+ friends are ~40, his is near 250. We’re paying for the wedding ourselves. Due to the sheer size of his family, we have opted to have a destination wedding, and invite exactly zero guests. We do not want anyone coming – with his family, if one comes, all want to come. If my family comes, his family will be insanely butthurt. It’s just easier not to have anyone, and it means we can stay financially stable. Good things.
After the wedding:
We weren’t planning to do anything. He isn’t close to his extended family and doesn’t want to have that sizable crowd of people he doesn’t like. I am NOT close to my family at all – I’d just as well none of them come for anything.
We’re being pressured (seriously pressured) to have some sort of acknowledgement from my side – a small party, a small “reception”, and even demands that we dress up and hold a mock ceremony afterword so they can attend.
Now, if we back down and do some sort of acknowledgement with my family, his family will absoflippinglutely flip about not being invited. Sounds like we’d be expected to go through this torture, again, on his side with way more people if we do something with my side.
My sister excitedly offered to plan a bridal shower, but right as we were getting ready to send invites, she decided she couldn’t throw us a shower if we weren’t doing any other ceremony/acknowledgement. She basically won’t proceed unless we concede and do some sort of reception.
So now we are:
– Not sure if we can have the wedding we want
– Feel like we’re being pressured into a reception we do not want to pay for, for people we don’t like enough to want to celebrate our wedding with
– Losing any chance for acknowledgement/bridal experience due to a shower planner’s sudden attitude shift.
I’m lost. I don’t know what to think, what to do, anything. Does anyone have any advice? We keep circling back to our strained family relationships being the cornerstone to WHY we don’t want a ceremony or reception in the first place, but also don’t want to have a mutiny on our hands…