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I think all you can do is sit down with them (or have a conference call if that's not possible) and tell them that you need to come up with a solution to this. You either need to have a double wedding or find a way to find different dates.
I'd be so angry! I'd punch her in the face. No but really, you need to talk to her about this and discuss something. Have her change her date. Tell her that YOU told her previously that you wanted this date and that you already have EVERYTHING booked (lie if you have to). You had invitations made, videographer, dj, venue, photographer booked and there is NO way you can change it.
@shawndy: Firstly could you clarify the date? She posted that she was pushing the date back to the 29th but yours is the 13? (Or 11th... your profile says the 11th)
That aside, my first piece of advice is to not tell your FSIL anything about your wedding planning. She doesn't need to know your colors or flowers or anything until that day.
Secondly, how do they plan to have the same people in two different places at once? It's not like you're second cousins, you're siblings- your immediate family is going to have to choose one of you? That seems really odd... after she set the date did you remind her that it was your wedding date? One of you will have to change the date if you're planning on having your family at both, and it sounds like you have money invested already.
She did push her date back to the 29th of October, an posted all over the web via facebook about how much of an inconvience it was to push her date back...sshes only been engaged 2 and a half days now >< its 15days after my wedding da...it still really bothers me that they have to over shadow me ...My brother couldn't just let me have this one thing in my life all to my self...now its going to put even more of a financial strain on our family because not only are they going to be helping with my wedding and trying to make it out for my wedding now they have to do that with theirs too...and now we dont get a honeymoon because we have to spend that lil bit of money to fly out to idaho for their wedding :(
You said that she had already pushed her wedding back to the 29th.
Is this still a problem for you?
If your wedding is first and she copies the same color scheme, it will be obvious that you chose the colors first.
get your invites out at least one month before her bwah ha ha!
I am so sorry! First off I would talk to them and tell them that they need to change it. 2nd doesn't sound like your brother even wants to marry her... Talk to him he probably just feels pressured
oh just saw she changed her date! im sorry this situation still sucks. She sounds like a brat.
Maybe she forgot your wedding date? Considering how self-centred she sounds, that's what my money's on. : / I know it's frustrating, but I guess now that she's changed her date it's not so bad anymore...is it?
@julies1949:Her changing her date makes me feel a smidge better, but it still bothers me that she HAS to have it so close to my wedding. when originally she wanted it at the end of summer.
This girl is very drama oriented andd conflict oriented where as im very much the opposite i dont liek drama i dont like arguements or conflict of the sort.
I very much see her as using my wedding as a "see, your family doesn't care bout you, because they cant fly all the way out here for our wedding,but can make it to your sisters wedding" i very much forsee this being a big big blow out, because our family lives in the inland empire in so cal and things arent financially the greatest for all of us out here. plane tickes run from $300-$500 there and back ...We have not seen my brother in 4yrs since hes been with this girl. :(
@shawndy: Can you not make your honeymoon trip revolve around a trip to your brother's wedding?
They will also have expenses coming to your wedding just before theirs.
It is unfortunate that neither one of them have the sense to pick a date further from yours , but sometimes we just have to cope with the situation we find ourselves in.
@julies1949:They where very much making excuses from day one that they werent going to make it out to my wedding and now im absolutely positive they arent coming. It's such a hassle to come out for my wedding, and how they are are sooo strapped for $$$, but yet they talk about all this stuff that they are able to buy ALL THE TIME for their lil cosplay costumes and anime stuff/conventions.
I'm very much feeling like none of this stress is worth it and i know its going to cause a big drama within the family. I tried talking to my fiance about it. I very much rather let her have it, all of it, the wedding, the family, the dress which is very similar to my second choice dress if i cant get my first choice thats 2 seasons old, the day, the colors, the theme, all of it. I have honestly lost all the excitement in planning our special day/ our once in a lifetime moment.
My brother swore and vowed up and down that he would never get married again and shes been pushing for it for yrs and ever since my engagement shes doubled her efforts and finally got him to give in...with the way things are going i pray to God that he's much more lucky on his 2nd marriage than he was on his first.
i'm trying to get my fiance to realize how much this hurts my feelings that my brother would allow for this to happen and condone this behavior. he hasnt once said anything about his engagement never even announced it...she has.
i feel like i should just give up and let her have it all since she seems to making such a deal about all of it all ready. i'm thinking about asking the fiance to just elope then send out cards to everyone telling them we got engaged that way there is not conflict of intrest, no having to pick and choose, and no strained budgets, and no more hurt feelings
As much as this sucks... and it really does, I'm sorry you have to deal with it... but do not let this heffa take away your special day! Keep planning and just don't tell her any more details of your wedding. It sucks that their date is close to yours, but whatever. Can't control what other people do, no matter how stupid it is. I think that you should plan your wedding just as if none of this ever happened. You deserve the day of your dreams...
I am so sorry this lady...if she can be called one...is ruining your special day. You should not allow it to...if your brother and her drama affect your wedding then you have let them win...plan your wedding, have your beautiful day w/ or w/o them....it's YOUR day don't let them ruin it....it's your day, make it about you and your Fiance not the drama.
You need to talk with your brother, just the two fo you. Its really messed up, but guess what? You don't HAVE To go their wedding, especially if they aren't coming to yours! And why do your parents feel the need to help with their wedding financially? Doesn't seem to make sense, its his second wedding, and your first, your the daughter and he's the son...
Really, it's not a big deal.... she moved her day so that avoids family clashes, plus they probably aren't coming to your wedding, as you said, so they probably forgot. Just don't share a single detail more with either of them - or with any family members can't keep their mouths shut, just in case they are copying you.
@MrsSl82be: I agree! I wouldnt go if he isnt coming to hers and as for your parents...they sound like mine. They helped my sis but not me. Sorry:(
She moved her day , as PP said it will be evident that she is copying you . She is obviously a little cray cray so I would tread lightly but def have convo with her or your brother about some of the issues
What we know:
-She pushed her day back within 72 hours of being engaged.
-she loves drama
Not that I'm wishing for more drama for your brother, but I have a feeling she's not done. Continue with your planning. Watch the roller coaster from afar, but refuse to ride. I bet she has more crazy changes to come.
@Jeannine @ Small Chic: This.
Do you and don't worry what they do hear on out. If they were already making excuses about not coming to your wedding, to me thats a blessing. I know you miss your brother but he hasn't made the effort to see you in 4 years, thats not her fault, its on him.
I'd be really, really upset. I feel like a lot of people have tried to overshadow my big day, but no one has come that close to my date! Take my advice and the advice another person gave: DO NOT share ANY information regarding your planning with you FSIL. If someone in your family is a threat to spilling the beans, don't let them in on the planning either. Keep everything a secret. Consider changing your colors without telling her. Browse around on the Bee for awesome tips to make your wedding memorable and special. Whatever you do, don't let your brother and FSIL know what you're up to. She obviously is an attention whore.
@Pinksapphire:Thank you so much for the advice but me and the FI decided to push out date out another year to make it easier on everybody. we just found out his sister will be getting deployed in october sometime so instead of being short one bridesmaid we are just going to wait another yr ...i knew everything was too good to be true...sigh just bummed becuase i know the likely hood of us actually having a real WEDDING isi very very minimal at this point and i was finally getting rly excited to start planning because we are...sigh, where at our yr count down mark
Reading this makes me sooo angry!!! I can't believe some people! How does your family feel about this?!
[statement edited to remove personal attack by Mrs. DG] If you want to get married in 2012, then have it earlier than October! No one is stopping you from having it in September (or July or August, etc) of 2012 and his sister will still be here. If you rather wait until 2013 to save up more money or whatnot have it then. But you need to stop playing the martyr card.
Sorry to be so blunt. You just remind me of my mom and this trait drives me cray-cray.
@Leeluu: Wow, was that really necessary? No need to be rude. OP was venting. She's already invested money in her date, she was engaged and planning first, and you're suggesting she should just change everything for her brother and his fiancee? It's a sucky situation and certainly not OP's fault.
No, she doesn't need to change anything at all! She can keep her date if she wants, or change it so that she can keep her fiance's sister in the wedding. Thats the point! Do what you want, OP! Dont't let other people get you so down that you go all "I dont even want a wedding" or "Fine, we'll just push our wedding back, poor me I don't want to though!"
@Galloqay111: You may think its rude, I think of it as tough love. Its what someone should tell her. Because honestly, what will make her happier? People telling her oh poor you, this sucks, or saying hey change your viewpoint and don't let other people affect your own happiness?
Okay, getting off soapbox now and to sleep!
@shawndy: wait, so you were going to have this crazy lady in your wedding? Go ahead and have YOUR day when YOU and your FI wanted to! She'll likely change her mind on something else. If you move your date I would put money that so would she. heck, move it back to when she's deployed hehehehe but I'm evil like that.
Please don't move your date and secretly resent you brother GF later on. If you change, it own it! It won't be fair to put this on her later like some kinda badge 'OMG i moved the date just cause of her.
So many things can happen within a years time, personally I would simply keep my original date. So in a way I kinda agree with @Leeluu: when she says she doesn't need to change anything at all! She can keep her date if she wants, or change it so that she can keep her fiance's sister in the wedding. Thats the point! Do what you want, OP!
ok first u need to breathe and second go take a nice long bubble bath and then plan ur wedding on the date u want to and make it the best day and most special day of ur life
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So let me start from the begining,
I've been best friends with my fiance for a 5yrs and i'v known him for 11yrs in total. We have been together for a lil over a yr now. We moved in together 3months into our relationship and got engaged 7months into our relatiionship. literall a week after we got engaged we picked our wedding date and let family know.
Well having conversations with my brothers gf right after i got engaged she made it very clear that she wanted my brother to marry her.they have been together for 4yrs and my brother has made it very clear that he would never get married again. She started putting the grind on him about getting married and bam three months later on their 4yr anni he told her fine lets get married if thats what will make you happy.
She then states that she wants to get married at the end of summer next yr and then decides that they are getting married on MY wedding day >< so naturally this made me very upset. Especially considdering that her and my brother where the first people we told that we had picked our wedding date and when it was becuase they are in Idaho and we are in California and that it was very very important to me that my brother will be by my side on my wedding day. After i let her know that that was my wedding date she posts all over her fb "Omg sooo many weddings in october i had to push my wedding date back to the end of october on the 29th. Have i mentioned that they have only been engaged for a day and a half at this point and she has been posting pictures of her dress and purse and commenting on how she finally decided on a dress, a purse, and my brothers ring and on and on the list goes??? I'm very frustrated.
This is my first and only marriage and have had my wedding date and started planning for my october 13th wedding since the beginning of July. We have our wedding colors picked out our venue our flower girl dresses and our bridesmaids dresses picked out and all our bridal party ready and excited about our wedding day. We are also having to work our wedding day around my future sister in law and her work sched/training (shes in the USMC) :) My Brother and his gf are being very insensitive to the fact that this is my first wedding and that i feel as though they are over shadowing my most important and special day in my life. My brother has always over shadowed me my entire life.She has even anounced that shes going to have the same wedding colors....This entire situation makes me very sad.
I would really appriciate any advice on how to handle this situation.