- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
I am having a really difficult time deciding who to have in my wedding party. First, my fiance has 8 groomsmen – I know it’s a lot, but he has his heart set on having all of them. I had originally had 6 in mind, and I was at peace with having an uneven number, but now I have thought of someone else I’d also like to have, but I just can’t get comfortable with 7 and 8 – especially when I do have other friends I’d love to have as the 8th. The problem for me is, with my group of friends, if I had 8, I would be leaving out just 2 girls that I’ve been close with all my life. I almost feel like it’s better/less hurtful to have a smaller party, so the majority of them aren’t in the wedding party and it doesn’t feel like a slap in the face to the minority who are not in the wedding party.
To explain in more detail, the 5 definites include my sister, 2 cousins, and 2 friends that I am currently very close with.
My sixth (who I guess I”m now second-guessing) is my childhood best friend; we’ll call her Sue. We grew up together, lived on the same street, the whole nine yards. In college we did drift apart (we’re in our late 20’s now) and it hasn’t quite been the same ever since, but we have still remained what I would consider close. We don’t see each other often and don’t talk all the time, but when we do, there is still that comfort and closeness there. However, what bothers me about the friendship is that it seems like she rarely wants to make plans and stick to them – when we do make plans for dinner and lunch, it seems that something always comes up and it doesn’t actually happen. In fact, my fiance has only met her once, and we’ve been dating for over 2 years. This is frustrating to me, because I have friends who live out of state that I see more often than her simply because we make it a priority to get together when we can. So I do fear a bit that Sue is unreliable and wouldn’t be the best bridesmaid; however, she’s someone that I almost consider to be like family.When I first told her about the wedding, she automatically assumed to be in the wedding party (She said, “I’m just so excited, we’ve been dreaming of our weddings all of our lives ever since we promised we’d be each other’s maid of honor when we were little!” and I feel even worse because I basically led her on to believe that she would be in the wedding – I didn’t object or say, yes,but that was a long time ago, or we haven’t decided on the wedding party yet.) I guess I should also point out that there is a little bit of competition between Sue and Leigh (see next paragraph) because the 3 of us grew up together and they both kind of have fought to be “closer” to me over the years (I’m talking high school years – they had a bit of a falling out in the college years and no longer associate w/ each other). I don’t want to sound like I’m putting Sue down; she has been one of the people that I’ve most closely bonded with in my whole entire life. She was like a sister to me growing up, and when my parents split up I practically lived at her house (as a teenager). Her parents were amazing to me and treated me as one of their family – her mom still sends me Christmas and birthday cards/presents and invites me to their holiday celebrations. Every time Sue and I get together, it is like we pick up right where we left off – when you share that close of a bond w/ someone, time will not erode that.
The other friend that I’m considering asking is Leigh. She is also a childhood friend that I’ve remained close with; probably even more so than Sue, although Sue and I were much closer growing up. Leigh and I stay in closer contact than Sue and I do; Although Sue is not married and works in a restaurant about 15 min. away from my house, we rarely see each other, but Leigh has a husband and infant and travels for work, and we still squeeze in coffee, happy hour, etc. Also, Leigh’s hubby and my fiance get along really well, so the 4 of us hang out often. Leigh asked me to be in her wedding, but then she and her hubby ended up nixing the big cermony and just had a quickie wedding without a wedding party. I know it doesn’t matter to most about reciprocating when it comes to bridal parties, but I just wanted to point out that she obviously feels close enough to me that I was going to be in her wedding party. When she found out that we were engaged, she took me to happy hour and said “I have been running around like a crazy lady at work telling everyone that my best friend just got engaged!” Sue and I were supposed to get together to celebrate and chat about the engagement, but of course it didn’t happen.
Another point to mention is that Sue is not friends w/ the rest of the girls in the wedding party. We all went to high school together and she and the other girls had a falling out. I guess that doesn’t matter, but I’m just trying to provide all of the info.
So, if the easy answer is to have both of them, I’d have 7 bridesmaids. I just feel like I might as well have an 8th, especially because I do have other friends I’d love to include in the wedding party.
The 8th friend would be Shannon. Shannon is someone I”m very close with currently; she is also in the high school group. She didn’t have me in her wedding because we weren’t as close then (3 years ago) but now we spend a lot of time together. I feel less of a strong bond w/ her than what I do w/ Sue and Leigh since Sue and Leigh and I have just been through more and were closer growing up. I would legitimately love to have Sue, Leigh, and Shannon in my wedding party – it would be so much fun! However, I’m just worried about the cost adding up and the thought of hurting my other friends’ feelings.
Now the problem with asking Shannon is that I only have 2 other friends left in this group that would be excluded – Caitlin and Lexi. Caitlin and Lexi, I think, would be extremely offended if I had all of our group of friends in the wedding party and not them. I am also very close with them, in fact, the whole group of us (minus Sue of course) are very close and get together a few times a month. So I do feel bad to exclude them and they’d be alone w/ just the 2 of them on the wedding day while the rest of us ride in the limo, get pictures, etc. I guess I just think it’s less of a slap in the face to not be asked to be in the wedding party when *more* of the group isn’t in the wedding party, versus being just 2 girls who aren’t included.
So the alternative to asking Shannon would be asking an 8th from the family. I could ask my cousin (but I really cannot stand her) or my aunt (i was a jr. bridesmaid in her wedding) to eliminate hurting friends’ feelings, but honestly i’d rather ask shannon than this aunt or cousin.
I know I shouldn’t base my choices on hurting others’ feelings, but that is a part of my decisionmaking process b/c I don’t want to destroy any friendships. I will also add that we are doing our wedding on a smaller budget, so price is a bit of a factor. I know I’m being picky but ideally I’d love for the # of bridesmaids and groomsmen to match.
So would you
A. Just have the first 5 girls (no Sue or Leigh)
B. Have 6 girls (including Sue, but not Leigh)
C. Have 6 girls (including Leigh, but not Sue)
D. Have 7 girls (including Leigh and Sue)
E. Have 8 girls (including Leigh, Sue, and Shannon)
F. Have 8 girls (including Leigh, Sue, and cousin/aunt)