need help dealing with bridesmaids

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Don’t let this woman control your wedding.

If she doesn’t like it, she’s just got to deal with it.

Doesn’t like where she’s standing for photos? Suck it up.

Sending you swathes of annoying emails? Ignore them, you have better things to do. 

Can’t make a certain event? Well, it never killed anyone and you’d probably have more fun without her anyway. 

Has a tanty and quits the wedding party? Everyone wins. 



Well, try talking to her about it first. If that doesn’t work, please feel free to take the approach above. 

Post # 3
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m confused-What’s the issue with the planning of the bachelorette party? Did this BM get upset that you emailed everyone or something?

Post # 4
8 posts

This is your wedding not hers.  I would not change anything just to accomodate her, maybe perhaps it there is a good reason behind it.  You’ve done enoough with paying for her hotel and half of her dress. I think she’s being really unappreciative, as far as her “suggestions” I would be like “ok, sure I’ll keep in mind” or “yeah thats a good idea” to keept the peace but stick to YOUR ideas.  Or someone needs to tell her what her job a a bridesmaid is.  Good luck!

Post # 5
3646 posts
Sugar bee

I’d cancel her hotel room, re-imburse her for the 1/2 of the dress she paid for, and invite her as a regular guest. She’s obviously wants the world and your wedding to revolve around her. That’s toxic and you’re better off without her.

Post # 6
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

bridetobee649:  I agree with PP, you need to stop caring so much about this woman’s feelings. Maybe you can have a in-person convo (or phone convo if she lives far) and position it like this: “I appreciate all your feedback on the wedding! I wish I could accommodate everyone’s wishes but that is just not possible. If this means you do not want to a be a bridesmaid, then please let me know now.”

Reading this again, this might be TOO soft but at least it allows you to gracefully tell her to shut it up!

Post # 7
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

 younglady:  This. 

If she continues with her lists of complaints, tell her straightforwardly: “Unfortunately, I can not accomodate  (whatever). Please feel free to offer me solutions; complaints are simply not helpful and at this point in the wedding planning process, are also added stressors. I’m sure you’ll understand if I continue planning my wedding in my own way, accomodating myself and/or the majority of guests as opposed to one person.”

Post # 8
1653 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

PABride:  +1  


OP-I speak from personal experience of having an always negative and complaining bridesmaid who treated my wedding like it was a chore-complained about dress color choice, having to wear a certain color shoes (style choice was hers), complained about the money she had to pay for my shower/bach…the list goes on.   My advice-take care of it now.  I say give her an out, but if not..really have a heart to heart and put it all out there.  Unfortunately, I waited until after my wedding to voice my hurtfulness, while I did receive an apology…our friendship hasn’t been and will probably never be the same.  You don’t need that kind of behavior and negativity bringing you down.  

Post # 11
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

bridetobee649:  The next time she brings up something to complain about, politely suggest that, since you don’t want your wedding to cause her too much stress, that if she is unhappy being a part of it, she is welcome to attend as a guest.

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