- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
Hi Bees- I really need help here… I’ve spoken about this breifly in previous postings, but tonight it happened again. I had another fight with my mother.
This whole thing blew up in August, when we were on our annual family vacation to the beaches in Delaware.
A little background: I have a younger sister. She is a size 0, tall, gorgeous girl. She has always known this and has always felt free to tell me this. Me? I’m 5’0 curvy (size 4, but curvy) and I wouldn’t say I’m ugly, but I do have bad acne and I’ve had issues with my weight in the past. My sister and mother LOVE to remind me about my weight/acne isses at any chance they get. Especially at the beach. Growing up, my dad and I did things together (we’re very close) and my mother and sister did things together.
So, we go to the beach. At this time, I have been living with FI (then BF) for 4 moths, and dating for 2 years. We are getting a 2nd dog. I text a picture of the dog to my mom while im in the car with my dad on the way to the beach house. She replies “No.” as in, “Nope, you’re not ALLOWED to get another dog.” (excuse me? I’m 25, financially independent, and you have no say over my life whatsoever.) <insert vent to dad here>.
We get there. Rude comments begin the second my bathing suit goes on <insert tank top on due to insecurities here> (mind you, my mother is 200+ lbs and has no place making fun of my 135lbs in a bikini)
Second to last day. I had obviously moved out, but had a bunch of college things and high school things left behind in my old room that my dad had asked me to clean out. I gladly made plans to do this on the night we returned from vacation. We are sitting in the living room, discussing plans on sleeping, driving, logistics. My sister (who is rennovating her room becuase there was a wasp nest at her window, it grew into her room, blah blah <insert her excuse for needed new furniture here>- she, at the time, is 22 and has a full time job. yet she contributes nothign to my parents and has no intentions of starting her own life or moving out)
She overhears our convo (I’ll sleep in my room, clean it all out, and dad will take me back to the city in the morning)… and she FLIPS. She says I have no idea how “hard this is” on her, not being able to sleep in her own room. That I can “go sleep on the couch” and “no one wants me there at all”. She calls me a bitch and some other names. Meanwhile, the push for me to clean out is so that her old furniture can be moved into my old room, and her brand new furniture (that my parents are buying) can be moved into her room.
So, I flip. The straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back. I call her all the names in the book- selfish, brat, bitch, you name it. Here I am trying to do something nice for her, and she is lashing out on me? oh hell, no.
SO, my mother decides that spraying me in the face with A WATER BOTTLE is appropriate. she does it about 6 times in a row. I almost hit her I was so angry. Verbal fighting ensues, and yes, my anger got the best of me and I called both of them names that I shouldn’t have. Some things that stick out to me though are:
-my sister’s intentions in this argument
Me to mom: “Mom, if you want me in your life at all, you will listen to what I’m trying to say to you”
Mom: “Kate, I really don’t care.” (my name is KatIE).
So we didn’t speak from august until after I got engaged in December (mom or sister). Before I got engaged, they were always calling me over sensitive, a brat, you name it. I never relpied and went on with my life (oh, and we got our gorgeous new dog!!) However, when I did get engaged, all of a sudden she and my sister became victims. I was a bitch for not telling them, and not including them (my sister is not a BM). It was like overnight they went from “haha, katie is so dumb” to ” OMG how could katie be so hurtful!!?”
After I got engaged, I called my dad as we have always been on good terms and are very close. After a month or so, he asked me to try to mend things. I sat down with my mom who denies ever saying anything hurtful, but was very liberal with the finger-pointing in my direction. I apologized for blowing up, and for calling names. She, apologized for nothing as she believes she did nothing wrong.
I tried to speak with my sister. she repleied “YOU ruined this family. F*%& off”.
I have taken the most epic deep breath of all deep breaths on this planet and have TRIED SO SO SO hard to be civil with my mother. We just got into another fight again. The subject of my sister not being a BM came up again, and lets just say she was defensive (of her) and bitchy to me again. I lost it on her. She tried to say I never apologized for august and that she was “done” hearing my insults (I swear, I did NOT say anything insulting, just recalled facts.) and hung up on me.
WTF do I do!? I am so lost and I just wish I had a mother that acutally cared about me. Sorry this was really long, thanks for reading it all.