(Closed) need help – delusional mother!! (LONG!!, Sorry :( )

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Brazil Room

Sounds a lot like my grandmother (my sister and I were raised by her). She clung to my more attractive sister and made me feel like a real life Cinderella (before the prince part). The more dependent her son (my uncle – who also lived with her) or my sister were, the happier she was. That might be the case for your mom too. She might have a weird obsession with people dependent on her and resents you for not having that personality type.

Your sister will eventually try to gain some kind of adult life on her own and your mother will turn on her too. Your mom might even try and be buddy-buddy with you after she has a falling out with your sister. That happened to me anyway.

Best thing you can do is cut toxic people out of your life as much as possible. Good luck to you!

Post # 5
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I really feel for you in this tricky situation. The interesting thing about family, parents in particular, is that we tend to put up with a lot more crap than we would if it was someone else causing us this grief.

As you’ve described it, your relationship with you mother sounds incredibly fragile and volatile.

I’ve always lived by “if it’s causing more stress than happiness, it’s not worth it” – and I apply this to all scenarios in my life. Which works quite well.

My advice, do what you have to do to make YOU happy. If being around her, and having her in your life is causing nothing but stress, then what’s the point?

From what you have said, it sounds like your mother may need some form of therapy or counselling. However, as I’m sure you’re aware, you can’t help people that don’t want to help themselves. If your Mum refuses to see or admit there is a big problem, then any sort of intervention / counselling would be completely futile.

On another note, don’t let people guilt you into “making a mends” with her, just because she is your Mum, and (on the surface) it seems like the right thing to do. The right thing to do, would be treat your daughters equally from the beginning, and conduct yourself as a mother should, and maybe none of this ever would have occurred at all.

Keep your chin up, focus on the positives in your life – I’m sure there are plenty of them, surround yourself with people who make you happy and value you for who you are. Life is too short, have fun & enjoy 🙂

 

Best of Luck with everything!

 

 

Post # 6
Member
3645 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Cut them out of your life. You don’t need this at all. But try to keep the lines of communication open with your poor dad.

No one should be treated like this by anyone, ever. Just because she is your mother doesn’t mean she gets a pass. 

Post # 8
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@jasonkatie2014:  UGH!!! I am so so sorry. I know how painful it is when you are trying to remove someone toxic from your life and other people try to (good intentions or no) guilt you back into letting them in again (ie, giving them the ability to hurt you again)

Your mother and sister sound horrible. Just stop talking to them. Explain to your dad that you can’t deal with them while they are being irrational, resentful, and vicious, and that you can’t be asked to endure that any longer.

Post # 10
Member
3645 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@jasonkatie2014:  It almost makes you want to start wearing a hidden camera or recording device….

Just to show people what they obviously don’t understand. 

Post # 12
Member
11242 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Everdeen:  + a billion for this.

I cannot believe how much people are willing to put up with from family. It’s appalling. My mother is a terrible person, so I no longer speak to her unless I have to. Problem solved. Most people don’t understand, but it’s better for me this way.

Post # 13
Member
8001 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Cut them out of your life. You’re not mean, you’re not asking for anything from them, you’re not trying to provoke a response. You’re just done. Send that email to your Father, and stick to your guns. It’s hard to end even toxic relationships as we are always encouraged to relate to each other, so you will need to be very strong.

Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
7874 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i thought i had the most dysfunctional family in the world.  one time many years ago, my mom took my brother and me to her friend’s house for a holiday dinner.  she wanted to show me that there were other more dysfunctional people in the world.

i have a very close relationship with my mother, but i had a very toxic grandmother.  she was bi-polar. she made me cry every time i saw her. but she was one of the only relatives we had and my mother couldn’t cut ties from her mother, even though i asked and asked.

you are strong an independant and soon will be marrying the man of your dreams where you will start your own beautiful family.

Post # 15
Member
1823 posts
Buzzing bee

Take yourself straight to a counselor!  I am NOT kidding in the least.  You have toxic family members and you need a pro to break it down for you and to help you decide how and if you even want to deal with these people in the future.

They are toxic and they won’t change.  It isn’t your fault.  I had toxic family too and counseling was the BEST thing that ever happened to me.  It was freeing and a very loving thing to do to myself.  Please consider it.

 

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