Need help getting friend out of an abusive marriage..

posted 3 years ago in Legal
Post # 3
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee

Oh I wish I knew how to tell you to help. Just be extremely careful sending any kind of messages back & forth. He’ll obviously look through her phone to find them and if he’s THAT unstable, I don’t even want to imagine what he might do. I can’t help, but i hope someone else can & you can help her ASAP!!

Post # 4
Member
11722 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Most importantly, go have her get a restraining order against him.

The National Network to End Domestic Violence may have some help, and state resources, to help you for the specific area you are in.  Find a women’s shelter she can go to, or open your home to her if you can.  Have her get a disposable cell phone with a new number that he doesn’t know.  See if she can change her work hours. 

Best of luck to her!

Post # 6
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@sablemuse:  I don’t think a shelter will be as safe a haven for her if he really is that crazy.  Is there no way that she can get to you and stay with you for even a few weeks?  If I were her, I’d want that extreme distance between myself and this man.

 

I applaud you for all that you’re doing, but I know if it were one of my friends, I’d insist on having them stay with me if family wasn’t an option.

Post # 9
Member
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@sablemuse:  I have to disagree with a restraining order.  I think she needs to leave first, then get a restraining order once she’s safe. I would have her notify the police first and foremost, and tell her her life is in imminent danger.

 

Post # 11
Member
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@sablemuse:  I’m sorry, I didn’t make that clear. 

@abbie017:   actually did, not you…but I was just noting that you should have her leave first before you do any paperwork.

Post # 12
Member
11722 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BellaDee:  I’m just noting that it’s important.  If he violates it, he goes to jail.  It’s a protective tool used in law enforcement.  People may be critical of its effectiveness, but it’s more than just “paperwork.”  Obviously she should leave and go somewhere safe immediately, but it should be a top priority to at least approach law enforcement.

Post # 13
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

i have to agree with BellaDee. she needs to leave first, and get as far as she can from him, then inform the police of the situation. maybe one say when she “goes to work” she can escape? then, she can file a restraining order, once she’s somewhere completely safe.

Post # 14
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

@BellaDee:  +1

She needs to be far away when this psycho finds out that she is placing a restraining order. She should contact the police for help but have a plan to be living somewhere else.

@sablemuse:  Wishing you and your friend the best of luck! If she can be away from work and live with you if she has no close family I think that would be in her best interest.

Post # 15
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee

Research womens’ shelters in the area – they can absolutely help her through this situation.  A good friend of mine worked at one and they do everything in their power to keep their location a secret to ensure the protection of their residents.  They may also be able to assist her in obtaining a restraining order, or at the very least coming forward to police.  She should also try to have a “bug out bag” with some essential items and changes of clothes if she needs to get out of the house urgently.  She could even try bringing items one at a time into work and keeping a bag there to avoid suspicion.

Post # 16
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@sablemuse:  Again, if her situation is as you describe it here, should she really be staying at that job?  He knows where she works, what’s to say he won’t camp out and wait for her to show up?  A restraining order will do nothing, it’s a piece of paper that will be too late to help her if he hurts her.  If she is smart and wants to save her live, she move far away and cut all ties to that area, and do so quickly.  Then when she is safe and has sought out professional help, she can seek a divorce.  I think she’s being naive to think she can remain living in that area and working at that same job without him coming after her.  No job is worth that, she can always find another one.

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