Post # 1
HI– my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together a year and a half. His lease is up in Oct. Im month to month so can move any time…If he plans on not renewing we need to tell our respective landlords in 15 days….
This past weekend, we were playing in West Elm. Out of no where he says ” My lease is up in Oct, guess Ill resign…not sure. What do YOU think”… does this mean he really wants to resign, or was this an opening to talk. He said he doesnt really have the money to move, and that next year we can talk about moving in together.
I told him that I want to live with him, am in no means pressuring him, but that if this is something we are going to consider we need to have the convo NOW. Told him that the money should not be an issue as I have been saving and my mom has money out aside for us…That was pretty much the end of the talk
As a side note, Im 31, hes 37. I would hope to be engaged shortly….
I want to talk about this tonight and have NO clue what to say!!!! Any suggestions?? I planned on just casually asking if he has given it any though, and telling him that we could be saving money if we lived together…
It sounds like he has been thinking about it….so why am I sooooo nervous to have this talk??
Post # 3
Not sure why you’re so nervous! I never really had a “talk,” after a little over a year together it was just kind of assumed that when my lease was up, I would move in with him (he had more stable housing at the time, had been in his house six years).
I guess just ask him if he’s considered moving up the timeline for moving in together and what he thinks that would mean for your relationship. Tell him you’re open to it, if you think you’re ready for that step?
I don’t know what to tell you other than just bite the bullet and do it. It’s not romantic. Leases are all logistics and timing and it’s a big part of life!
Post # 4
This is a tough one. Obviously living together deepens your relationship and saves money, and it might help him make a decision about whether he wants to marry you. The problem is that by living together you’re giving away an important bargaining chip – he may get comfortable and not see the need to propose because you’re already committed. Also if you live together it’s harder to leave if he doesn’t propose after a reasonable time period.
I can’t really comment because I live with my SO. We didn’t make a decision to live together though – it was for financial reasons. He’s definitely comfortable and will probably delay proposing for as long as possible – he might have proposed faster if I’d been in a position to insist that we couldn’t live together until we were engaged. I’ve given him a deadline of how long I’m willing to wait for a proposal, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to stick to it, for the simple reason that I can’t afford to move out.
So if you can afford to live independently, I suggest you don’t let him move in, and make it clear that he won’t be moving in until you’re engaged. Keep your options open until he makes a proper commitment!
Post # 5
@mrssoontobeh: My advice is that you need to be on the same page BEFORE you move in. I moved in with my ex and I thought that meant that we were headed towards marriage… I was wrong.
I am living with my bf and we talked about timelines, expectations, etc. before we moved in.
If you have to tiptoe around this, then you’re not ready to move in together. You need to make it clear to him that you would like this to be a big step towards marriage.
The worst that can happen is that he’ll say he isn’t ready, and then at least you’ll know and you won’t be pressuring him.
Post # 6
@canarydiamond: I agree.
If you want the ring before you move in or are expecting this relationship to head toward marriage, say it directly.
“So you asked my opinion about renewing your lease, is that because you’re considering us living together?”
Post # 7
I think it sounded like an opening to talk about it. I’d bring it up asking him why he wanted your opinion on it – is it because he is considering moving in together?
I know you want marriage so you must be on the same page about this before moving in. Before I moved in with Fiance (then BF) I told him I would not be a live-in gf for more than 6 months. I originally didn’t want to move in at all before being engaged, he wanted to live together for a few months before becoming engaged so this was our compromise. I told him he had 6 months to propose after moving in together or else I was going to move out. He delivered on that promise. Just make sure you are both on the same page about timeline and where things are headed before you move in. Moving in makes it harder to leave the relationship if it’s not going where you hoped it was.
Post # 8
We talked about it last night, and he promised that next year is the year. He is somewhat unstable at his current job and wants that to be straightened out 1st. Also, needs some money. Im fine with this, as it gives us a year to save up for a down payment. I just wish that I had some sort of a commitment. But its better knowing that we have a timeline on the moving in together part. Now, just need the ring too 🙂