Need help, may not be attending my sisters wedding.

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@MsRocky:  Dang, what an awful situation. But your step mother wants to hurt you and push you away, don’t let her have that satisfaction. You have gone years letting her hurt defeat you, never telling your father, just slowly disappearing from lives in silence.

Do you love this sister? Then don’t let yourself be pushed from her life. Your step mother probably told some stupid lie about you or something. I would call this sister, congratulate her, then out and out ask why you hadn’t heard anything about it until now. I think this is a relationship worth preserving, but you cannot preserve it without fighting for it, sounds like.

Post # 5
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@MsRocky:  I agree with PP. It’s hard to say what you should do. Trust yourself. What do you want? Fight for it. 

ETA: Sorry just saw your new post! I am so sorry. I don’t honestly know what I would do. At least you have your new famliy to lean on. I hope they support you!

Post # 6
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@MsRocky:  Wow, that is a very tacky, hurtful respnose from her, in my opinion. “That’s so cute”? Very condescending. 

If you distance yourself from your father’s family now, will you ever have closure? Will you be able to leave without resentment and hurt following you forever? 

I think you need to confront your stepmother at some point. Maybe not before the wedding, I don’t know. But it needs to happen in some form. It probably won’t change anything, but people who hurt others should at least have to face the fact that they did so. 

With your sister, if you decide to not go to her wedding, I would let her know why, for the same reason above of people hurting others. If this isn’t “her” you have to assume she has been being fed some weird information. I would tell you “you are acting completely different than you used to. You are like an entirely different person. You would never have been that rude and cruel before, what has caused this change in you?”

Post # 7
Member
7406 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Honestly you suck it up and you and be happy for your sister and attend the parties. Ultimately it is her wedding and she gets to choose who stands up for her. Of course it might be hard for you and hurt your feelings but she shouldn’t have to pick you to be her BM to spare your feelings or out of obligation. You admit that you are no longer close so this is probably the big reason why she didn’t include you. You also seem a little jealous over her relationship with her other sister.

I also think you need to stop projecting and blaming this onto your step mother. It is your sisters choice, no one elses. If she chooses to listen to her mother that is her choice.

Post # 8
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@MsRocky:  I am so sorry.  You are clearly in pain.  Did you say that you are 12 yrs. older that the sister that is getting married?  Perhaps she thinks that you are “too old” to be a bridesmaid? I don’t know if you are married, what do you think of telling her that you’d love to be a Matron of Honor?  Maybe she thinks you are not as invested in “their” family because you have your own? Perhaps it would help if she knew the truth?  

Post # 11
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@MsRocky:  I’m sorry hun.  I think that with you pulling away from them, you may have made her feel as though she/they aren’t as important to you.  I don’t know if her tone was hurtful, but if not, I would let her know how special she is to you, and how much you really do love her, and want to be more involved in her life.  Now is the time to do it.  She can’t be close to you when you pull away.  If you don’t go to her wedding, I think she will just think she is not important to you, and I don’t know if you could ever mend that.  Good luck.

Post # 15
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

The whole situation sounds horrible *hugs*

That being said, you were once very close to this sister, and other than her not inviting you to be in the bridal party and her ridiculous response when you mentioned it (although to be fair, what should she have said to that??) it doesn’t sound like she personally has done much other than been distant.

I think due to your past relationship and the fact that she is your half-sister, I would still definitely go to the wedding.  Doesn’t mean you have to talk to your evil stepmother though 🙂

Post # 16
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MsRocky:  Im so sorry about your situation. Do you and your sister speak on the phone? Did you put her in your wedding? Im just trying to get mor background…

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