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How about "Due to budget and space restraints we were unable to invite everyone we wanted to. I am so sorry but we hadn't planned on the girls coming. If it wasn't for money being so tight and this economy we would have been able to invite everyone. This all just makes me so sad. There were so many people I wanted to invite." sniff
I would just tell her that, unfortunately, the girls were not invited simply because you are trying to keep the guest list small. I would let her know that she and her husband are more than welcome to come and you hope they are still able to make it to the wedding. If she argues, just stay firm and stress words like "close family" and "look forward to seeing you" and "limited space in the venue" and "fire codes". If all else fails, get FI to talk to the uncle.
@secondchances: Depending on the person, if you stress finances she might offer to pay for them to show up. BE CAREFUL!!!!!
I'd be very careful with family of not inviting children under 18.
I don't see how you can do it without being offensive unless you didn't invite any other children under 18.
@Future Mrs K: I would say just suck it up - it's only going to be one extra person since your uncle can't come and you were planning on two to begin with, now it's three. Fair enough that your uncle and aunt are recently married and the girls aren't really a part of the family yet, but don't you think this would be a good way for them to get to be a part of the family?
I know you mentioned concerns with the 15 yr old's behaviour but ultimately, that's not going to be your problem. It will be up to her mother to ensure she behaves herself and as for alcohol, just alert the bartenders that there will be underage kids at the wedding. Part of their job is being vigilant to make sure they are not serving underage kids - especially a 15 yr old as I have yet to see a 15 yr old that could easily pass for 35 (which is the age when they're supposed to stop carding you!)
For the sake of family peace, I'd let it go.
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Ok so we sent out our save the dates in November and will be sending out our invites at the end of this month for our April wedding. We addressed the envelopes to the people who are invited, this includes FIs Uncle and his Uncles wife, but we did not invite her kids from a previous relationship. They have not been married that long and the kids are not really a part of the family, they don’t really come to family events. The older girl has some real issues with drugs, she is also 15 and a smoker. We did not want them to be at our event because we did not want to have to worry about her getting in to the alcohol, or worse..... Here's the problem, I got an email from the Uncles wife today saying she lost the information and asking for the hotel and wedding info so that she could get a place for her and the girls to say, FIs Uncle cannot make it. What do we do?? What do we tell her?? The two girls were not on our list, we don’t really want them to come, plus we are trying to keep the guest list at 75........Is there a way to say they aren’t invited without being rude? or do we just suck it up and let it go?