Post # 1
FI and I have been discussing this and frustrated about this since the day after we got engaged 🙁
We had always planned on using my great uncle to marry us, he married my parents, my aunts and uncles, and will be marrying my cousin. There was never an issue. He is very experienced, does an amazing job, and it has a little sentimental value knowing he married all of these other successful couples as well. He no longer is in a church, but is a Methodist minister.
Then FI’s friend almost jokinly told us he would marry us when we announced our engagement. He had been ordained online and had married his mom and step dad in a non-religious ceremony on the beach.
I grew up in a Christian home and having a religious ceremony is very important to me. FI did not, but he is a Christian, but is new to the faith and doesn’t really “get” how important it is for us to have a religious ceremony. He thinks us getting married in a church is enough. I’m not sure if FI’s friend is even a Christian, so having him read a prayer and scripture without him believing it doesn’t seem right.
I’m also worried because I would basically have to write the entire ceremony if FI’s friend officiated, something I wouldn’t have to worry about with my great uncle.
It was mentioned to use both, but I’m not sure how to incorporate both of them in the ceremony, and FI didn’t seem like he liked the idea. I’m leaning more towards my uncle, and FI is getting upset that we can’t use his friend. I don’t know what to do
Post # 3
I would have your Uncle perform the ceremony and have your FI’s friend do a reading during the ceremony.
Post # 4
This seems like a bigger issue than how to involve people. He doesn’t understand the big deal? And you want a family member, who understands your faith?
I think you probably need to have a major discussion about what faith means to both of you, in ceremony and in regular life. This just raises a flag that a bigger conversation than who officiates needs to happen, for the sake of your long term happiness.
Post # 5
That is hard. It seems that you have had several conversations about this too, so it’s not like you could just let some time pass. I’m also sure you’ve explained to him what it would mean to you, right?
Have you asked him why he’s so against your uncle? I wish I had more. I hope this works out for the best.
Post # 6
… this sounds like it’s really important to you. Have you sat down and explained why its important? If he’s a “new” Christian, alot of things can be overwhelming to him, and alot of things might not make a whole lot of sense. Alot of people have been asking us “well, why doesn’t someone important to you do your ceremony in Atlanta?” when it’s really important for Mr. KM’s mentor (an ordained minister) do the service. I get where you’re coming from and you are more than welcome to PM me. Mr. KM is a minister and might be able to explain it better than either one of us can. Much love!
Post # 7
You girls are so great, thank you!
I am going to try to talk to him again. I talked to my mom this evening about it, too and hopefully I can help him understand my side on it. I actually found out my parents had 2 officiants so they may be able to give me more advice if we decide to go that way.
And KM, I might take you up on that offer if this effort doesn’t work and PM you for your husband’s advice. Thanks so much!
Post # 8
I agree with @noritake22, have your FI’s friend do a reading of sorts.
One of my best friends got married two summers ago, and they had two people play major roles in officiating. One prayed over them and conducted the wedding vows, the other did a reading, and led the congregation in a prayer while the couple did communion.