Post # 1
Hi, so… I’m freaking out. My SO just found out he was accepted to a masters program 15 hours away. I had known this was a possibility, it’s not like he went behind my back or anything, but I’m kind of freaking out. I (luckily) applied to teachers college at the same school, but its 31 days until I find out if I got in, and if I didn’t… I just can’t handle it.
I’m getting really anxious, and I don’t know how I’m going to deal with the next month when it’s just a possibility let alone the fact that I might not get in, and then we will be 15 hours away from each other for approximately 2 years. He’ll be able to come back for summer, but he wont be visiting, because travel to that particular location is extremely expensive…
I am so proud of him, and happy for him, but obviously this affects our relationship in a big way, so it’s freaking me out…
Also, we have a family event tonight (his family) and I know they’re all going to be asking us what we are going to do next year (like with our relationship) so… I don’t know how I’m going to make it through tonight, let alone the next 31 days.
Post # 3
Awe, this is a really big deal; it’s great and scary at the same time. Before/when he applied, did you guys talk ab the “what ifs?”
-what if he gets in and you don’t, vice versa? If so, what was the outcome of those talks?
I think the best thing to do now, if you haven’t had those talks already, is to sit down and figure out what the plan is if you are accepted and if you aren’t.
As for tonight: I know it will be tough. Let your FI know before you go to the event that you’re concerned ab people’s questions, and you’d like him to have your back.
Don’t borrow trouble from tomorrow 🙂 I know the next 31 days will be killer while you wait, but try not to stress too much. Use this time to figure out a plan for whatever the answer is. 🙂
Post # 4
@MrsHalpert: Thanks Mrs. Halpert! That’s all really good advice. I spoke to my SO about ten minutes ago and asked him to be ready to divert attention. It’s kind of stressful, I don’t like answering those questions, because I’m not 100% sure how it will work out.
SO and I have disucssed that if he gets in and I do not, I will be pursuing other academic avenues closer to home (I’ve been accepted to 3 post-grad programs which are not teachers college) – So I will hopefully be very busy for the first year, and then maybe the second year wont feel so bad, or maybe I’ll move up there then, if that’s what it takes.
I’m committed to making it work, but sometimes it all just seems so impossible…
Any coping techniques other than “get a hobby” are really appreciated from anyone. 🙂
Post # 5
@peachykeener: skype, FaceTime all of those really help in long distance relationships, to be honest it sounds like it will be hard because you will both be in stressful school programs and apart so if one of you is stressed and distance you might take it personal. Remember the long term goal. When my FI and I lived in different citys we actually grew a lot. we didn’t have the phyical intimacy so we really had to talk and work through things. Even now that we live together I think because that was how we started dating we both are great about the little I live you check ins and even when he’s going to be super late with work we FaceTime because we now know how important keeping in contact matters.
you guys need to have a heart to heart after you find out, try to get through the next31 days an then see what your opintions are
Post # 6
@peachykeener: well, as far as coping goes I dont know how helpful I’ll be (never been long distance, especially not in your situation) but I will try! Get a hobby is so frustrating to hear bc there will be days when you’re just like, fuck this hobby. Lol
the thing I tell my students, who get overwhelmed at having to complete a 1500 hour program, is to think weekly. If they complete 30/30 hours in a week, it seems less overwhelming than 30/1500.
Also, use your time to immerse yourself in your program, and focus on your success. Your FI wants that for you too I’m sure. Set up times to Skype, and make sure you guys have each other’s address so you can send care packages! one thing my BFF did when her husband was deployed (on a sub, no contact for 6-10 weeks) was she’d workout every day with her girlfriends. She could release frustration and she got in bangin’ shape for that welcome home sexy time!
Post # 7
We’re long distance now (it’s been mostly an hr distance for 3 years and now this fourth year is super long distance) and I knew even before my SO got all his decision letters back that he’d be going far away. He’s in Tennessee now and it’s been rough, there are days when I miss him so bad I want to cry. However it has also helped our relationship SO MUCH. I have always been one to “lose myself” in a relationship and just absorb my partner’s personality. Being that he’s like a million miles away and I see him once every 4 months I can’t really do that. I have started to devote myself to working out more and connecting with the other people in my life. I’m moving to Pitt in September for grad school so we’ll at least both be busy.
I like to look at it, as, in the grand scheme of our lifetime together this will be a blot on the radar. It also helps to make skype dates and we both have upped the amount of mail we sent. Nothing makes me feel closer to him then to get a postcard from him!
I won’t lie. It SUCKS and there will be days that will test the strength of your relationship but if you can get through this you know you have a strong bond! I know it seems impossible at the beginning but trust me, if it happens you WILL get through it. 🙂 Good luck (and I’m pulling for that acceptance letter for you at his school!!!)
Post # 8
@Allyg: Those are great ideas, thank you 🙂 I’m really looking forward to the positive things that come out of this, but I suffer from a bit of anxiety. My brain looks for the worst case scenario as soon as it’s even a minute possibility and tries to glom onto my insecurities too. I’m really looking forward to more ‘me time’, or more family time, and to reconnect with some old friends and stuff. I’m really hoping we won’t end up taking our frustrations out on each other… But I’ll have to wait and see I guess. You’re right! A heart-to-heart- is a good idea. I’ll have to find a way to pencil that in 🙂
@MrsHalpert: THANK YOU! Finally someone who understands the hobby thing. It drives me nuts, because honestly… my #1 hobby is reading (I’m a lit major) but sometimes that makes me feel worse, b/c if I read a novel with a happy/romantic type ending it’ll make me miss him more. I can disappear for days inside a book, but I don’t really have any other hobbies, and I don’t know that I really want them either. 90% of the time, I’m happy working, going to school, reading a bit, watching some netflix, and falling asleep with a book on my chest. Trying new things makes me uncomfortable, honestly, so when people say that so flippantly, like it’s nothing, it makes me really peeved, haha.
I also really like your 30/30 vs. 30/1500 idea. I think I need to start training myself to think about everything like this. Last summer SO went away for a job and it felt like the end of the world that he was going to be gone for 4 months, because he didn’t say when he’d be coming home to visit or anything like that. It never ended up being more than 3 weeks. 3 weeks is obviously a lot easier than 4 months. Hindsight is 20/20, you know? Haha – I’m looking forward to more time to work out too!
@FEDORAble: Wow, that sounds rough! I hope it turns out okay though! The busy thing is totally what I’m looking forward too, I’m just dreading weekends and stuff, and how I’m going to fill up that extra time, you know? I’ll have to figure it out as I go along and adapt, but I’m not so good at that… My mom calls me “allergic to change” sometimes. Thank you for your honesty though! It’s tough when people want to paint a rosy picture and pretend everything is awesome. It’s not. You’re going to miss your partner, you have to, if you don’t why are you together at all, you know? And thank you for rooting for me! I’m really looking forward to/dreading April.
Post # 9
I have a question, I’m kind of asking for your opinion, because I’m wondering if I’m delusional or not.
A few times recently, SO has been saying “I wish I was a few years older than you so that I would be ready to get married, because I know you really want that.”
Is it just me (it probably is) but doesn’t that sound kind of like he is ready? To me it does… If you were wishing you were ready, and seeming ernest, not like you’re joking, so that I could be happy… I dunno, to me that sounds like the kind of selflessness that marriage takes.
My major take away from it is to give him a few years, and let him come to the conclusion himself, but honestly… deep down in my heart, it tells me he’s already ready and just not willing to admit it to himself because, for whatever reason, he’s scared…
Am I crazy?