Post # 1
I feel like an addict when it comes to marriage and future talk. I cannot stop bringing up the future and in the last month, I’ve started a few looooong conversations with the SO about it.
I’ve known some girls who were super serene the whole time they were waiting and didn’t really think much of it until it happened. These were girls who knew they were getting rings in the next three months! I’m a 1-2 years out from a proposal and it’s not even funny how unready as a couple we are (finances, living situation etc.). I want to be that girl who is so zen about it that girls like me look up to.
Any advice on how to stop bringing it up? Any tales of willpower success? I’ve tried bribing myself and it just doesn’t work.
Post # 3
I don’t think not bringing up the future is a good idea. My FI and I used to talk about the future a lot when I was waiting, and it was a good thing, because it made me even more sure that he and I will make it in the long term.
That being said, if you are bringing it up everyday, then you might want to cut back. But if it’s a few times a month and it’s about things like handling finances together, future children (values, how to deal with certain situations, etc), living situations…then I think the more you talk about it, the better.
Post # 4
Yeah, my friend just called me this morning to tell me she got engaged. She’s been dating her FI a shorter amount of time than me and I am a little bitter. The timing for me is horrible because I had a frustrating talk with my BF last night about the future and how he has no idea when he’ll be ready.
So, I decided to go the mall during lunch and treat myself because this is an emergency. Don’t worry, I can afford it 🙂
Post # 5
Sometimes I think I’m obsessing about it. So I have to sit back and just pull out my crocheting or my sudoku book. Or if its not 104 degrees outside like it is now, I’ll take the dog for a walk on my own. Remove myself from him.
I had to do this last night, we were in the car watching fireworks after the baseball game. And we recently had been talking about everything, and he said that it’s coming.. end of summer. So I laid back off of it. And last night, I said something how we had been together 7 years, and he was like I have no clue where you get that from. And I told him, because that’s how long we have been together. And counted it out, and he just told me I was flat out wrong. I almost made him call a cab home. I was furious. I woke up still mad this morning, and we’ll talk about it tomorrow. Because I don’t want to be to mad bringing it up.
You could try writing it all down too.
Post # 6
@wanttobemrsb – Make no mistake about it, it’s hard not to bring up something that you want so much. I was that girl at one point too. I used to say to myself, “Okay it’s “date x” I’m not going to bring up anything related to marriage talk for one month.” I failed EVERY TIME. After a couple of huge blow ups because all I could do was talk about marriage, I just stopped. I realized that the bottom line was I loved him and I was sick of driving myself crazy about this and ruining our relationship in the process. It’s just not worth it. Now Mr. C brings about engagement, marriage, etc. all the time now. So I guess my advice is just try to enjoy your relationship every day. Be thankful that you found the person that you will spend the rest of your life with. As long as you do that, everything else will take care of itself.
Post # 7
@wanttobemrsb: This reminds me of “Not Quite Engaged Anonymous” : ) Well…I TOTALLY understand how you feel. It’s normal to want to talk about the future. I have noticed though that depending on your guy, he may get annoyed or feel pressured if its brought up too often, esp. in long conversations. This is how my SO was. Of course it drove me crazy to have to try not to bring things up.
I am one of thos serene, happy waiting bees now bc he has a deposit on a ring that I got to pick out. So I KNOW for a fact i’m 6 months or less out from being engaged. That is the ONLY reason I am sane, bc we have actual dates for everything. Hang in there! I know its tough with so much time left. Maybe find another focus? I decided to work on a master’s to help me wait and its helped!