Need help with being patient

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@ms_citygirl:  He has the ring, he knows the timeline. Do you have any reason to believe he won’t propose within the timeline. If not, you’re golden. You are in a really good place. You are pre-engaged. Awesome. I think it’s really helpful in this stage to manage anxiety is to think about what exactly will change after the proposal. People will stop bugging you about whether you are engaged but they’ll start bugging you about a wedding date and plans. You can start planning your wedding more seriously, but there’s nothing really preventing you from starting it now. So in many ways, not a lot will change right? And you don’t want to pressure him into a proposal right? These thoughts really helped me when my DH had purchased the ring. 

All you can really do is sit back and try to appreciate your relationship for what it is now and work to improve it in small ways to ensure you have a strong marriage. Instead of focusing on what he hasn’t done in terms of engagement/wedding enthusiams, think about what he has done. What does he bring into your life? What are you sure he will do for your future?

As for dealing with other people, there is no need to make excuses. Just tell others, “it will happen when the time is right”. And perhaps that will serve as a good mantra for you and saying it out load will help foster more patience. 

Post # 4
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@ms_citygirl:  Welcome to the HIVE!

UGH I am sorry to hear about your frustrations.  I know that waiting is the HARDEST thing I’ve had to mentally work through in a while. 

I am steps back from you!!  NO ring, NO end of the year proposal, just frustrated and waiting Yell  I would take comfort in the fact that you know it’s coming and by the end of the year, all of your dreams will be coming true!!

Post # 5
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@ms_citygirl:  He has until the end of the year to propose, which was stated in your timeline and agreed upon with him. And hey, he has the ring so he has no excuse to really be dragging his feet, right? Perhaps he is planning the right moment, and it may not be a big fancy date or in time for Christmas to show it off to everyone. Just be patient. If the deadline comes and goes, then it’s go-time.

Post # 6
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Only 36 possible waiting days left! You can do it!

Post # 7
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hi @kenziemt:  You are on track.

You shared your LIFE PLAN… he shared his.  You picked out a ring.  He bought it.  You have a timeline.

Now you are just waiting on one formality… him to organize The Proposal.

I get that it can be frustrating this kind of waiting… cause you know it is just within reach.

But guys, most guys, well they like to make sure The Proposal goes well.  We gals, we tend to be all about The Wedding… it is a dream for us.  The Proposal that is guy territory… many actually day dream about it, and how it will happen… it is a BIG DEAL for most men.

So ya, unfortunately, you are waiting… BUT you are waiting in a very finite timefame… between now and December 31st (36 Days as my good friend BrandNewBride:  has pointed out)

In reality that is just a wee blip in the timeline of FOREVER.  It will go by relatively fast… and as you’ve asked him not to propose on an Occasion Day… you can pretty much scratch December 31st off the list anyhow (so now we are down to 35 Days = 5 Weeks)

Mr TTR and I are and older couple too… and Encores.

We have been married almost a year now.

My situation was similar to yours…

When we were coming up on our Date-iversary at the end of 2011, I told him that I wanted to UPDATE MY LIFE PLAN with him… I had decided that I was ready to be married again (prior to that we were quite content both just dating and being SOs).

I told him I wanted to be married before the end of 2012… he agreed.  He said he’d organize The Proposal.  I told him the only thing I wanted was that we’d shop for The ERing together, as I had very distinct tastes.  He agreed.

And then I patiently waited.  I didn’t know if I was waiting on The Proposal or if I was waiting on The Ring (us going shopping together).  I was however very secure in my wait knowing that we had agreed on our Wedding Timeline.

Lol, that didn’t mean it wasn’t driving me a little crazy too… as I watched the many “significant” dates on the Calendar pass on by… Knowing that most men Propose between US Thanksgiving & Valentines…

There was Our Anniversary – His Birthday – Our Christmas Getaway – Christmas Eve – Christmas Day – Boxing Day – New Years Eve – New Years Day – Valentines – My Birthday – and even St Patricks Day

Lol, not to mention, looking back now I can also say… Robbie Burns Day – Ground Hog Day – Mardi Gras – Leap Year Day – Lent – and even April Fools

Somewhere along the way, I pretty much realized that this was out of my control.  This was indeed HIS MOMENT, his event… and I needed to just relax and let it happen the way he envisioned it to be

So by the time we went on our Easter Vacation to Myrtle Beach, I really wasn’t that focussed on his proposing… I was being far more realistic and just focusing on the great relationship we had together, and another wonderful vacation we were going to have in one of our favourite Destinations.

And then he asked.  He asked in the most unique way… low key… but sooo US.  It could not have been better.  It was truly wonderful.

And he had put some thought into this marrying thing in those 4+ months… he had A PLAN… a very detailed plan with ideas on the Wedding itself.  I hadn’t done a lot of planning because well I didn’t have A Proposal, A Ring, or A Date.  And for the 4+ months, I didn’t talk a whole lot about the Proposal / Engagement cause I KNEW IT WAS COMING… and that we had agreed TOGETHER that he’d take care of it… so it made no sense to bring it up.  I trusted him, so I had to trust he’d do it his way.

So immediately after he Proposed (during a walk along the beach) we spent the rest of our walk talking marriage plans… CONCRETE MARRIAGE PLANS (we’d come back to MB and marry over Christmas… wedding on the beach, etc)

So perhaps your man, it might look like he is slow moving… but perhaps it is because he has a well thought out plan underway.

Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if it happens sometime after Thanksgiving… he may very well use that occasion to ask your Mom for her Blessing (again he may have very distinct thoughts on how the Proposal process should go)

Mr TTR after he asked me to marry him, and we returned home… he got together with my Dad for a Meal here in our Home… (I didn’t have a ring yet) and to my surprise he asked for my Dad’s Blessing.  Mr TTR took my hand in his, and told My Dad how much he loved me, and how special I was… and that he couldn’t live without me, etc.  It caught me totally off guard… and is one of the sweetest things to ever happen in my entire life… these 2 grown men… one in his 60s and one in his 80s talking about ME the woman they BOTH love so dearly… I tear up every.single.time I think about it.

So ya, hang in there.  Cause the best is yet to come.

Promise

Hope this helps,

PS… If you haven’t you might want to check out Mr Bee’s Plan (sticky at the top of the Waiting Board here on WBee).  And do know that you can always come to WBee just to chat or pass the time too.  Nothing wrong with taking the time you have to do some reading / research on Weddings… or start a Pinterest Board with ideas.

Because the one thing I’ve discovered about a man in love… is when they make up their minds… and get thru The Proposal they tend to want to get married as soon as possible.  And planning a Wedding (even an Elopement like Mr TTR & I did) takes some time and organization… so no harm in getting your ideas sorted out into some sort of logical order.

 

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