Need help with my SO being shady…Advice Please

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
42082 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999


slpsmp:  Obviously the two of you need to talk.

Post # 3
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Let me first start off saying I am sorry.  This is never an easy thing.  While I don’t have this situation giong on currently with my wonderful hubby.  I did have this happen with the last guy I was engaged too.  Only I busted him with the woman.  We decided to work it out, and as you can see, it didnt work out.

Each situation is different, but you first have to decide is the relationshp worth working it out.  Second he has to want to work it out and be totally transparent about what he has done and why he did it and seek help so he doesnt do it again.

It is very hard to re-establish trust once it has been broken. 

You are a nice lady, because I probably would have knocked him in the head with one of my cast iron skillets had I seen that.  But I don’t recommend doing this, this could land you in jail… (hope that made you smile and gave you a little chuckle)

Serioiuslly, in my 45 years of life and having two cheaters, one of which I was engaged too and both were long term relationshps, 8 years each to be excact.  With both of them, I busted them and they really had no desire to stop doing what they were doing, so I moved on.  and thank God I did because I have been blessed with someone who truly values marriage.

Wishing you all the best whatever you decide to do.

Post # 4
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

slpsmp:  well…. womens intuition told you long before you had any concrete evidence and you waited until you had something substantial and now you do. So now what? Do you want to be with a cheater or do you want to be alone?

These situations are tough but I always say go with your gut. You have to decide what is most important to you. If you think you can discuss it and move past it then do that. If you think you will forever have to worry then I say you save yourself the trouble. I know I would have to swallow some pretty big insecurities to continue to be with a man who finds pleasure in other women. Sorry you’re going through this.

Post # 7
35 posts

slpsmp:  was it porn, or an actual text convo with someone else? has he contacted you? you should atleast hear what he has to say. im surprised you didnt rip the phone from his hand and look, lol. an ex long long ago would text this girl he talked to in one of our break up periods. when i saw i started texting back, as him. ahahahha. terrible.

Post # 9
61 posts
Worker bee

I agree with trusting your gut on this one.   Obviously something isn’t right, and a woman’s gut usually tells her all she needs to know.  Talk to him,then decide what your next steps will be.  But if he changing passwords, and entertaining himself to other naked women via text, something is way off.  I hope things work out for you!

Post # 11
2113 posts
Buzzing bee

slpsmp:  Are you sure it just wasn’t p*rn or something?

I have caught messages before, and yes had subtle hints before that that i would brush off or chose to ignore. I had some suspicions before over emails i found, but i stupidly let him talk me out of leaving. A few months later I finally read the text messages myself and it all came together. I threw his phone at him and i told him to get his stuff and leave – he laughed and rolled over to go back to sleep!!! Can you believe that?

The next day he tried to say it was just an old friend and they were just talking, then he didnt talk to me for a couple weeks then came full force apologies saying how sorry he was, he was stupid, he wanted to talk to me but thought i was too mad etc. I am pretty sure the girl didnt want to talk to him anymore or was perhaps in a relationships herself who knows. Point is he came running back and i didnt take him. 

It just isn’t worth it without trust. 

Post # 12
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Wow, what a jerk. He has some serious explaining to do. You need to hear what he has to say.

Post # 14
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Thats awful. If it was a pic message that is absolutely cheating IMO. If it was porn thats not as bad but its still shitty..I mean he had his lady getting naked in the shower and he chooses to get off to porn?? wtf

Has he tried to conact you>

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