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@polkadotbridetobe: It sounds like a poem but not a poem in some parts. It reads funny to me. I would include a picture with the invite if you can...
@polkadotbridetobe: I love your idea of incorporating everyone in your brooch bouquet! I agree with Captain that you should include a picture in the invite rather then directing them to the website - it's more personal and immediate and I think you'd get better results ya know? And I think that the line that is making it sound poemy without truly being a poem is this one "Old or new, blingy or broken, just a small token." Maybe change it to "Old or new, blingy or broken, whatever you've got!"
Honestly, though I'm offering a suggestion, I don't have a problem with it the way it is, so it's really up to you! :)
Billie has decided to carry a Brooch bouquet on her special day!
Her wedding is soon to approach
please be a dear and bring a brooch
help build her bouquet that she will love & display
For all to see on her special day
Old or new, blingy or broken, just a small token.That way, when Billie walks down the aisle she carries a little piece of everyone with her!
This is a combination of your wording and a bit of a poem in the middle. I think it's important to keep the line about "old or new etc" so guests know that you are not necessarily asking them to go out and purchase something.
If she has a color scheme in mind for the brooch bouquet, I would depend on word of mouth to get that information out.
I was creating a poem to include on my invites as well and I was going to post on the boards to ask for help...and came across this post. So, I hope you don't mind, but I used some of your wording to help with mine. I wanted to share it with anyone else who may be looking for ideas, but also to say thanks!! I'm still picking at it a bit, so if you have feedback, I'm definitely open to hearing your thoughts. :)
Jayme will be making a “brooch bouquet”
To walk down the aisle on her wedding day
So, if you could please be a dear and bring a brooch
As 11.11.11 is soon to approach
Silver, Crystal, Pearls or Gold
Fancy, plain, new or old
All will compliment the bouquet
That she will love & display
For all to see on her wedding day
Trying to let them know that those are the only colors I want to include…but it got a little wordy at the bottom. Thoughts?
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Hi Bees,
My mom and I are working on shower invitations and we are using the RSVP card to ask people to bring a brooch for my brooch bouquet. Here is the wording we have...what do you think? Any changes we should make??
THANKS!
Forget the Bag & Bow
Bring a Brooch Instead
Billie has decided to carry a Brooch bouquet on her special day!
To make the bouquet even more meaningful, we are asking
for your help. Old or new, blingy or broken, just a small token.
That way, when Billie walks down the aisle
she carries a little piece of everyone with her!
To see examples visit Billie’s wedding website at
www.weddingwire.com/XXXXX