Post # 1
I know this is a wedding board, but you always have helpful words…
My SO and I have been having a hard time lately. We got into a fight earlier in the week that I thought we could recover from but he has stated that he doesn’t want to be more than friends. So I sent this email:
I understand how you feel. And I know you need space but I feel like I need to tell you how I feel. This is my last conversation about this. I will respect your wishes after this email is sent.
When I think of us of never being anything more than friends I get a horrible lump in my throat. I know you are not in a place where you want anything serious. And that is fine. I also know that you are not a man that will sell empty promises. And I think you know I am not that type of woman either. But I think that there is more here than either you or I know. You go through friends faster than anyone I know. I don’t let anyone close to me. There is a reason we are still here after almost 8 years. I know we are having a rough time now. And that happens. But I feel that we hit rock bottom a while ago and are digging back out. But it is not always easy. There are going to be some slips along the way.
I feel like we could be missing out on something great if we are just friends. I know it could take quite some time (if ever) for us to progress to the next step. And that is okay too. We need to take things slow. I have some fears myself and don’t think I could take the next step now anyway. I am happy waiting. But it you truly feel that we will never be anything more than friends, I need to take other actions.
I am not looking for an answer today, or tomorrow, or even next week. I want you to take time and think and decide how you really feel when we are not in the middle of an argument or in the few days following. I told you in your apartment that I wanted to get back to where we were before my blood clot. And I told you then that I didn’t expect an answer. I just want the possibility. If you still decide we will never be anything more than friends, please do me the courtesy of telling me so I can have closure.
The email has been sent. Now I need to follow through and LEAVE THE MAN ALONE! This is going to be so hard.
Post # 3
I really wish you could fix typos in titles… *sigh*
Post # 4
I feel for you because I’ve sent emails like that before.
Before I go on, did your SO leave you because of a medical condition?
If so, please just let the jerk go. You deserve far better.
If not, if there’s more to it, you can’t make him love you. I’m sorry because I know that’s hard to hear. Don’t run after him. I’m a firm believer that if he states something like you will only ever be just friends, then you should dissapear entirely because I’m pretty sure he knows he broke your heart.
Post # 5
Yes, it will be VERY difficult, but as you already know, the BEST thing for both of you. Here are some ‘tips’, if it helps you at all:
* Write a million more emails, or letters, but never send them. It will help you vent your feelings or thoughts without ever actually reaching out.
* Every time you get the urge to call, text, or write, ask yourself why, What is the point of me doing this?? In searching for the answer, I hope the urge goes away.
* Make a list of those in your life who YOU can call, vent to, make small talk with, and reach out to them instead. I know they may not be the people you actually want to be communicating with, but still a great distraction.
* Vent on this website.
In time, it will get easier 🙂 Stay strong!!!
Post # 6
@Just_Squeeze: No, he did not leave because of my medical condition. Things were going great right up until I was diagnosed with the blood clot (3 years ago). We were on track to get married. I strongly believe if the blood clot never happened, I would be his wife and have several babies by now. I have posted my issues before but basically my health was bad for a long time. All my issues finally resulted in estrogen dominance. It lead to depression, and anger. Mostly anger. I took it out on him. He left in feburary/March and I finally found a doctor that figured it all out. I have been getting treated and things improved greatly. SO and I started talking again and were friends, but a little bit more, KWIM? Then this fight this week.
I know the best thing is no contact and wait to see where everything falls. I really put myself out there and laid everything out. This is truly the make it or break it time. I know I will recover from this and I know I need to let myself have feelings. Time can be your worst enemy sometimes…
Post # 7
@Sunflower–girl: I’m glad to hear you are better!
You sent the email. Now wait. I completely understand feeling the need to write him because like I said, I have done this before too.
But now, try as best as you might to not contact him again. It will be a long hard wait but if he dosen’t reply at all…you have your answer.
I am hoping it works out for the best for you.
Post # 8
I’ve done this before, also. Just to get my feelings out one last time. I then started a journal and wrote more letters, but they never were sent b/c they were in my journal. I also deleted the phone number, so if he called, I could answer, but I couldn’t call him. In time, if he does not respond and is serious about not being together, your sadness will fade. In the meantime, write as many un-sent letters as you want…and do things that make you happy.
Post # 9
After I sent that email to him on Thursday he emails me back to ask for my resume – he met the CEO of a staffing company and wanted to send my resume to her. He knows I might be laid off at the end of this week. I sent the resume and that was it. No small talk, no asking if he read the other email, nothing.
I have a bad habit of never deleting texts but I deleted all of his. When I went to Twitter to unfollow him I saw that he tweeted that several of his married friends were the happiest guys he knows and it makes it seem worth it. Not sure what that was all about.
I know it will get easier. I have never made it more than a week with the no contact thing. But I need to this time. Either it is time for it to work or it is time to move on. I am letting go.
Post # 10
Deleting the texts is a good idea. You might want to delete the phone number(s) as well. That way he can only contact you. When you type those emails to vent like OUqal0004 suggested, do it in a Word document, not in an email. That way it doesn’t accidentally get sent.
Obviously you know the saying…
If you love something, Set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours, If it doesn’t, it never was.