(Closed) Need Input on Behaviour…parents of 5-6 year old children especially

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I would say try a timer. You get 8 minutes to get your clothes on. (Can you pick the clothes out the night before so that they are all laid out so he doesnt have to search). 

Is he like this only in the morning??? Or is this all day? Maybe he is just still half asleep in the morning. If it is all day I would suggest talking to his teacher or day care and see if he is like this, what strategies they use. If it is an all day perhaps talk to your doctor? 

I am sure it can be very frustrating especailly when you see your time frame. Just remember he is propably not doing it on purpose to make you mad! 

Post # 4
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

My stepson is right around the same age as yours. He can be painfully slow too. He’s an only child, so we sort of play into his need to be “first” and make things like getting boots and coat on into a race. So last one ready is a dirty rotten egg sort of thing. Or who can do this the fastest, can you beat me or Daddy? No one wants to be last 😉

He also doesn’t like change. Like if he’s in his PJs playing, and we say, okay go brush your teeth and get dressed and he doesn’t like it, then the answer is usually “Oh well, I guess you don’t want to do ____ /go _____, we’ll go without you then, it’s going to be so much fun! Too bad you don’t want to do it!” Then he’ll run and get ready.

I’ve also found if you give more than one or two step instructions, he doesn’t remember or if he can’t figure out step 3 or sees a reason why step 3 may be difficult, then why bother with step 1 & 2. I try to break things down into small one by one steps.

Also, he’s 5. He’s not stupid I know (believe me, I think my SS is smarter than some adults I know), but they’re so much in their own little bubbles, they seriously don’t realize when they’re being slow or dawdling. They’re just floating along. My stepson forgets to flush the toilet all.the.time. It makes me insane! It’s common sense and a routine, but seriously, he’s just in there doing his thing, singing, making up games, he gets distracted and forgets step one and moves onto step 2.

He may also not be much of a morning person. Maybe lay out his clothes together at night, so in the morning all he has to do is put on what’s laid out, no decisions needed. He might just be foggy headed, I can identify with that! LOL!

Post # 5
6021 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

my son is 6. i have to tell him stuff more than once sometimes. it can be very frustrating but i think this is normal to a certain point. a timer is good idea but i would not reward him for beating the timer. i would only punish him for taking longer than the period of time given. so basically the reward for doing things in a timely manner is a. you learn to do things from start to finish and b. you dont lose anything like access to video games or time outside or something. this way you arent exactly bribing him to get things done because there is no reward for doing things the right way but you are teaching him that if he doesnt there are consequences.

My son is now no a really good schedule but it was a struggle to get him there. And even now i have to sort of keep an eye on things to make sure he’s moving things along. he is not a morning person. Even under the best of circumstances. So He moves like molasses no matter what in the morning. His dad is the same way. It just takes them time to get with it. I am not like that. I pop out of bed and get moving immediately. its just how I am. They are the opposite. I wouldnt be too hard on him but for sure get something in place to start teaching him that things need to move along at a good pace when you are on a time schedule.

Post # 6
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

Unfortunately I think it’s pretty normal for a boy his age to be like that. =/

My DS is 7 & I still have “issues” with him promptly getting himself ready in the morning without MANY reminders.

Have you thought about giving him a task (get your clothes) & then telling him “I’m going to go brush my teeth, make breakfast, some task, & when I get back you need to be dressed.” giving him kind of a “time expectancy” of what he needs to do.

This works pretty good for DS bc he knows that he needs to do the task in x amount of time or he’ll get in trouble (well not really trouble but the morning won’t go as smooth as he’d like lol) this goes into our house rules of following instruction & not being deliberately disobedient.

Biggest thing I’ve learned is NOT to say “I already told you to…. 500 times” That usually just causes more frustration &  exacerbates our little ones, which I know none of us wants to do.

Also maybe making a “morning routine” chart with a little stick person so he can move his guy through the routine as he goes through it? Not a “reward” system but still makes it fun & engages him!

Really though don’t be too hard on yourself & don’t be too hard on him. It’s easy to forget but he’s only 5 once & you don’t want to get caught up in the little things. (reminder to myself too) 

Post # 7
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Really though don’t be too hard on yourself & don’t be too hard on him. It’s easy to forget but he’s only 5 once & you don’t want to get caught up in the little things. (reminder to myself too) 

Agree 100%.

 I think that his behaviour is normal for a 5 year old. Maybe you should wake him up earlier if you want him to be ready by a certain time.

And just TRY not to yell (another reminder to myself). I think back to when I was a child…. I would leave my clothes on the floor, I would forget to flush the toilet, I would take my sweet time to do things. Did I do them because I was a bad kid or to do evil? Nope. And when my parents would spank me or yell at me for it, it didnt make me a better person. 

Post # 9
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Take The Reins:  Oooohhhhh I feel ya. It can be really hard not to lose it. Feel free to PM any time hon. I know how hard it is to be a step parent, and it’s easy to feel like there isn’t anyone to talk to about it. I’m just happy he’s not 3 anymore. I hated 3. I’ll take dawdling over temper tantrums any day! LOL!!!

Post # 10
5758 posts
Bee Keeper

Yes, it’s normal. Yes, it’s frustrating. Yes, they all go through it and some never grow out of it.

Comparing how YOU move and are able to get yourself together quickly to that of a small child will only drive you crazy. He may have to start getting up earlier than normal to get things done, but you gotta do what you gotta do. You can  try games and incentives and even punishments for being late, but a child of that age is only capable of doing one thing at a time…no multi-tasking until they are much older. They don’t understand TIME or even what a MINUTE is, so you have to give him a break and know he isn’t doing it deliberately to test your patience.

Each stage of life will present its challenges, and this is one of them that with some encouragement and understanding on your part will help his days to start out on a good note. Who wants to get yelled at as soon as they open their eyes?

Talk with his Dr. and see if they have any ideas for you, or ask some of the other Moms what they do to get their kids up and running in the morning. I’ll bet you’ll be surprised at how many of them go through the exact same thing you do.

Post # 11
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My SD used to be a slow poke. Sometimes she just dances in front of the mirror for ten minutes in the bathroom. I don’t think kids feel the rush rush rush need to be on time thing that we grown ups feel. I’m almost jealous in a way… She’s older now and only requires minimal nagging. (As long as the tv is off)

I bet he just likes his morning time at home with you. Try to make it more positive when he does well and surprise him with a reward. As in don’t say “please get ready I promise I’ll get you a video game” maybe try “you got ready so quickly we have time to get a donut before school!” kind of thing. Or maybe tell him to hurry up and get ready so you guys can watch a little tv together before you leave or something.

I just don’t think punishing him first thing in the morning is going to make him go any faster, there’s not really any incentive once he’s already lost a priviledge. I don’t think he means anything by it, he just wants to hang around at the house and not go to school, and who can blame him? 😉 The whole “I’m leaving without you” thing won’t work in this case because he’d probably be like ok! sounds good! haha

Post # 12
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I feel for you Frown. Parenting is HARD.  But I’m sure you know that!! lol  My son has ALWAYS been “slow to get going”.  Actually, reading your post, I felt you were describing my son exactly -especially in the morning.  Being a first-time parent, when he was that age, 6, I thought something was possibly wrong with him.  He was the exact same way at school also. 

I tried everything, and I can honestly say, that nothing has worked permanently.   The only thing that happened is that I would get frustrated, and he started to feel like he was not good enough.  Same thing happened at school, although he’s very intelligent, his confidence went way down because he was constantly reminded about how “slow” he was to get organized.  I was determined to find a way to “cure” him, or to teach him how to be better organized.  Well, long story short, he is still VERY slow to get going and organzized Smile.

He’s 13 now, and he’s learned that it’s a bad thing that “he’s slow getting things done” (although he’s a very intelligent young man).  I am working hard to break the negative impact it had on him.  I wish I could go back sometimes, and instead of getting impatient with him, I would spend more time reminding him of his strenghts. But nobody is a perfect parent, and I did the best I could.

From what I was told by professionals, structure and reward systems work best to help them learn routine.  However, I’ve also learned not to expect miracles.  My son is 13, and we still have to organize his school bag and make sure his homework is done etc.  I try to let him do most of it, but it’s a hard balance. 

Also, to only give them 1 instruction at a time is best.  For example, “time to brush your teeth”.  And not, “put your socks, then when you’re done, go brush your teeth, and don’t forget to put your toothbrush away”.  That’ll just confuse my son, and I’ll find him standing in the washroom doing nothing because he forgot what he was there to do.  When he has 1 thing to do at a time, it’s better. 

Another important thing I’ve realized, is that no matter what, he WILL grow up and become a responsible adult. As long as he’s a compassionate person and respects others, and that he is relatively happy/content, I’m ok with that.  The best parenting book I’ve ever read is “A Parent’s Guide to Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Your Child Roots and Wings” by Kenneth Ginsburg.  My whole perception about where I want to put my energy as a parent changed after I read this book.

Post # 13
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My kids are like this also they have no concept of time they must think school begins when they arrive.  I go through this most mornings.  I am going to start a reward program with them if they complete there chore or getting ready within an acceptable amount of tme they get a star once they get a certain amount of stars I will then take them to the movies

Post # 16
3847 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I would suggest setting a timer and there being consequences for not getting things done in time.  My children don’t act this way but they are girls so that might be part of it.  I would say though that when the consequences become uncomfortable enough he will change.

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