Post # 1
I am sorry this is going to be long, thank you to anyone who reads this.
To start off I have been with my DH for about 9 years (married 7 months). I became very close with his parents early in our relationship and always felt comfortable being with them/joking around; and we would often do fun things with them. MIL is very anxious, but focuses on and worried about the smallest things; I have really never seen anyone like that and I work in the mental health field! Anyway, she is either very anxious and worrying or she is completely laid back. She only has 2 sons so sometimes when I would try to talk to her about girly things or just random things in genral, she would not really listen or respond and it was rude-I kept telling myself it was because she isnt use to having a daughter that likes to talk alot. Anyway, more so in the last 2 years she started being rude to me on random occassions. Like she would come over and barely say hi-kinda hard to explain-but I figured it was because her anxiety and stress made her that way. Although she would only do it to me. My family has noticed it and I always let it go. Back in Sept she was really rude to me one night but i did not say anything and things have mostly been fine since then with little things here and there.
Soo anyway, last night DH went out to a bar in the town we grew up in to meet friends and his parents were there too. The last two weeks my family and I have been waiting for biopsy results for my dad to find out if he has cancer (thank god he does not :)) but she knows how worried i Have been about it. When we walked into to the bar I thought and assumed the first thing she would say to was “I am so happy your dad is ok” but no she barely says hi to me. i tried to make small talk with her and she was being such a bitch! I started to get pissed because I dont deserve this. So FIL then says to me “I am so happy to hear that your dad is ok-great news” and she was right there and heard and STILL did not say anything. I was so angry. Is that not rude?? So the rest of the night she was so cold to me, barely responding to anything I said.
DH knows about all this, but claims he has never heard her speak to me that away, but believes it. I dont know what to do!! I am seriously fuming thinking about it. I dont want to waste my energy and be upset about it but i am. DH doesnt want to say anything because he didnt hear it. I dont feel comfortable saying anything. I dont know what to do. Any advice? I hope it does not sound like I am over reacting. this sucks!! ok rant done!!
Post # 3
It sounds like she is upset with you. Can you think of any reason why she might be upset?
Post # 4
@vanilla44: I say let her have her space. If she comes around great, if not, live your life.
Post # 5
@vanilla44: I’m sorry you’re feeling distressed about this relationship.
I tend to be a very direct person. Given that you’ve known her and been a part of the family for so long, why not just ask her? Make time to go see her or call her. If it were me, I’d begin with something like “I used to enjoy having such a close friendship with you. I’ve noticed a shift in that lately. Is there something I’ve done that’s bothering you? If so, I’d feel better knowing, so I/we can make repairs if needed” etc etc….
The worst that can come of it is she blows your hair back venting about a million things you had NO idea about. Then, you pick it apart, apologize where and if needed and move on. Or, she says she thinks you’re crazy and has “no idea” what you’re talking about. Then, at least you’d have the satisfaction of knowing you did the right thing to try to appeal to her and make things right.
Just a suggestion based on what I would do. I simply cannot stand having strife in my relationships, and it’s better to get a hold on it earlier than later.
Best of luck to you dear!
Post # 6
Okay first of all, I’m REALLY happy that your dad is fine. A biopsy is such a huge scare. About your MIL, she sounds totally weird. I mean, I can understand her being pissed with you for some arcane reason but at least she could have confided in her son. And irrespective of her own feelings towards you, she should at least have the courtesy of commenting on your dad’s biopsy. Like it or lump it, you belong to her family and your worries should be something of her concern. My advice? Just blow her off. Don’t pay any attention to her and be as cold and indifferent as she is. If she asks you or tells your husband, let them know that you are pissed about her lack of comment on your father’s health issue. If she has a problem let her come to you with it. Don’t go asking for more snarkiness. That is my point of view.
Post # 7
thanks for the input! a bit of an update-this morning she texted me happy thanksgiving and asked me how my pie was coming along. she also was making polite convo with me over text and then apologized for not commenting on my dad. i dont know if she realized she was rude last night or just decided to be nice today. just got take her how she is and deal with it the next time she is rude because i know it will happen again! happy thanksgiving!
Post # 8
@vanilla44: Yay! I hope today is a turn for you and her! Family life is so important, and can be Difficult to maintain 😉
I forgot to mention earlier, congratulations for your fathers good news. Have a wonderful thanksgiving today!!!
Post # 9
@vanilla44: Yay, for as long as she stays cordial with you! Hopefully forever. Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!
Post # 10
Man if I worried about every shitty thing my MIL has said to me or every time she’s been rude, you’d be watching over me in the psych ward! She’s prob pissed about SOMETHING since she’s been ok with you previously, but act casual like everything is all good.
She’ll either come around on her own and realize she’s being a dumbass OR she’ll hold a grudge forever, either way live your live without worry in the mean time and be cool as long as she is civil.
Post # 11
My MIL is very cold to other people. We make a point to never separate when we’re around her so that my husband always hears what she says. If she gets weird or cold he can redirect The conversation or say, “Mom that’s not appropriate.”
ETA: My MIL is somewhat subtle with her rudeness. It took a while for my husband to see what she is doing. Once he did notice it he realized she has done the same thing to her step daughter, niece, and countless others. She’s probably not just being this way to you.