Post # 1
Our invites just went out (yay, right?)… not so much.
Back story. I designed the invites. I sent out mock ups a few months ago to get feed back, my FMIL didn’t reply. My parents are paying for 90% of the wedding, so they are “hosting”. His parents are hosting a cocktail reception the night before for the out of towners (majority of which are his family).
While designing the invites I took the traditional route and put just my parents names on them because my parents are paying for pretty much all of the wedding. I didn’t really even give it much thought because all the invites we have recieved from friends over the years have included just the brides parents. My mom did ask at one point if we should put the groom’s parents and I said I didn’t think it was neccesary. The invites were getting a bit wordy as is and I figured they would send out seperate invites for the cocktail hour with their names on it. The cocktail reception is going to be super nice and is not a small event so it seemed both sets of parents got something to attach their names to, it was decided and I didn’t give it another thought.
Fast forward a few months the invites have been ordered and are being assembled and FH mentions his mom said something about their names being on them. It is entirely too late and too expensive to do anything now. I told him I sent her a mock up months ago and she didn’t provide any feedback… he says she mentioned it to him but he totally forgot.
So fast forward to last night, she got the invite and is pissed. This women holds a grudge, I don’t even know how to go about fixing this… see below image to see what we are dealing with.
So now what?
She clearly isn’t above talking badly about my parents on a public forum, so I am so worried she is talking about this with everyone and the wedding is going to be super awkward.
Post # 3
I would just ignore it. Your FI has already addressed the issue.
Post # 4
She probably will, but she’ll get over it (or she won’t). It’s too late now, so maybe your FI can have a word with her about it?
I got some feedback from the SMOG too, since there were 3 sets of parents and we had only our names on them. No one contributed anything, but they thought since they were doing the RD, they would have their names on the invitations too. Sorry. RD is a seperate event in my book.
Post # 5
I personally will be ignoring it because FI has forbade me from getting involved (my version of damage control usually makes things worse)…
The problem is I am really not ok with her talking trash about my parents to all her friends. Yes my mom can be incredibly passive-aggresive, that is actually my mom to a T. BUT… she is my mom and I can say that, FMIL has met her 3 times for a few hours each time. She can think what she wants but to be telling people these things is just incredibly rude. In this case it isn’t even my parents faults I made the call, I am 100% responsible, it was a stupid mistake and honestly if I had known they cared I would have put their names on them.
Basically I just want her to keep her opinions about my family to herself at least until after Nov 26th!!! Is that too much to ask?
Post # 6
Wow, I’m so sorry about all that. I can’t believe that would talk that way in such a public forum. We went the traditional route as well and had the wedding invites from my parents and the Rehearsal Dinner invites stating his parents were inviting, since that’s how people paid.
Hopefully she’ll get over it!
Post # 7
So the image is blocked on my work computer so maybe I’m not 100% sure what’s going on but honestly it seems like you did all the right things. If you sent a mockup and she didnt provide feedback, then whose fault is that? And I am sure your FI was involved in the design process and at least saw teh invites a few times before they went to press, he could have stepped in as well so it’s not just you she should be mad at.
If she is the type of person to trash talk adn hold grudges I am sure those who know her know she’s like that and take the things she says with a grain of salt. I would just be honest with her, ask her to refrain from talking about your parnets b/c they had nothing to do iwth it, and tell her the nxt time this type of thing comes up you would appreciate if she could you know, actually look at the mockup.
Also if your rents are paying 90% why should her name be on there anyway lol
Post # 8
Oh I would NOT leave this one alone. I would seriously give her a call and give her a piece of my mind. It is one thing to have a problem or be upset. It is QUITE another to bad mouth your parents where any one can see it. I would demand an apology. You have followed the traditional outline for a wedding invitation, and you asked for her feedback and didn’t get it. You have done NOTHING wrong.
Post # 9
@Moose1209: I agree, but unfortunatly she doesn’t see it that way. She takes every little thing as a major slight against her.
She didn’t want to invite an uncle of FI because of an issue they had in January that she is still stewing about. I told her it would be best to be the bigger person and invite him, if he chose not to come then at least we did the right thing. She was mad at me the rest of the day because I wouldn’t entertain her stupid grudge.
So I can only imagine that this will continue to be an issue for the next few years… sigh.
Post # 10
Ahaha she is so busted! I feel like older people don’t understand how facebook works, lol.
I’d call her to clear it up as well. If she wants to hold a grudge forever, that’s her problem. You did what was right, IMO!
Post # 11
@Moose1209: agreed. I can’t stand IL’s who feel like they can treat their DIL’s and family like shit, but then act like they are all prim and proper. But, I would think that it would be better received coming from your FI instead of you. I would love to do it myself if I were you, but I just think that it won’t cause as much drama coming from him
Post # 12
So, while I think what she did on FB was appalling, I sort of think what you did was too. When we mocked up our invites, they looked like this:
Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents
request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter
Son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents
That way, you’re not obviously snubbing his parents. When I get an invitation from only the bride’s parents, I take it as a huge snub towards the groom’s parents. Did my husband’s parents give us any money towards our wedding? No…but that doesn’t mean that they still don’t have every right to be on the invite…especially if you all get along well. My parents did contribute a good amount towards our wedding which was why their names were first. Sorry…I think this was a mistake on your part and she has a right to be upset. Again…not the best way to show that you’re upset, but my feelings would be hurt as well if I were her.
Post # 13
Wow, that’s ridiculous. She needs to get over herself (and figure out how to use FB…it’s quite obvious when you’re talking shit on the wide open internet). I’d let your FI handle it though, she sounds like a big ol’ bunch of fun.
Post # 14
@2PeasinaPod: Disagree. It’s most certainly not “appalling” to not include the groom’s parents names on the invitation. It’s the traditional wording of a wedding invitation. My parents paid for (and therefore hosted) my entire wedding. They deserve to be listed on the invitations. My inlaws paid for and hosted the RD so their names were on that invitation. Everyone was perfectly happy with that arrangement.
Post # 15
@2PeasinaPod: Like I said if I could do it again I would put both names on. I figured since our wedding involves two big events and each set of parents is paying/hosting one they both send out invites and all is well. The cocktail reception the night before is basically another wedding reception, the wedding just won’t have happened yet. The entire guest list isn’t invited but at least half is. It is at the same location as our wedding reception (different room though), has the same caterers (buffet instead of plated meal) and a full bar. It will even last almost as long as the reception. There would be zero reason to put my parents name on that invite as they aren’t contributing to any of it and have provided no input. In the same sense my FILs haven’t contributed or provided input to the actual wedding day (they did give us personally some money to use for the wedding/honeymoon but it was never said it was specifically for the wedding day, it was more like a “gift” (with major strings attached apparently)).
So while I definitely understand why she is upset and prior to the FB rant was actually pretty concerned about upsetting them, I still don’t think her level of anger is appropriate and now I don’t really feel as bad.
Post # 16
Maybe you could explain, or better yet, have FI explain to his mother the thinking behind it. Each parent gets and event with their names attached to it. She may think better of the whole situation.