- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2012
We are only having one person each in our bridal party–best man and maid of honor. I did not relinquish total control of picking her dress, just told her that she could send me suggestions and I can veto them or not. I do want something flattering on her and something that won’t cost a lot of money–which was my concern because I was already asking her to accompany me on a destination wedding and I know her financial situation isn’t exactly ideal.
We have different tastes–I like more clean lines, timeless, sophisticated, think Jackie O or J Crew and she likes a little more trendier styles. A lot of the “standard” BM dresses out there that I like don’t really flatter her figure, so as it is I’m a little “flustered” that this task wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be and I “can’t have the vision” I want/like.
She sent me an email about a friend of a friend who is a seamstress and could probably make a dress if we decide on a style and we pick out the fabric. I was totally okay with it and told her if it were cheaper to go that route, then why not? Then, she sent me an email saying that her sister could get her in touch with a student fashion designer who could also make a dress. She said that if it were cheap enough, then maybe she could get two dresses made, one for the ceremony and one for the reception.
I was a little appauled and offended by that notion. And please tell me if I’m wrong in feeling that way!
Since when does the only bridesmaid get a wardrobe change? Has anyone ever heard of that or any/all of bridesmaids get a wardrobe change? I could completely understand this if for instance the bride was doing it, or EVERYONE in the bridal party was doing it. Also, I would not have any qualms if the BRIDE wanted that to happen for everyone.
I had alluded at the beginning of my wedding dress shopping experience that i was not going to change into a reception dress after the ceremony. Would it make sense that of the four people in the ceremony, that someone other than the bride change their outfit?
If one of her sisters tried to pull that on her at her future wedding, even if I wasn’t the MOH or BM, I would still be the first one to object to the notion and try to put them into place: “This is not a fashion show venue for the bridesmaids! The BMs do not get to make ‘another entrance’ at the reception in a new dress, especially if the bride isn’t in a new dress. It sounds really ‘attention stealing’.”
Also, the dresses that I had so far “picked” for her were not unreasonable in any sense. They weren’t these god awful nightmare BM dresses that in 50 years, we’ll all look back and say “WTH were we thinking?!” nor were they any more uncomfortable than, oh, I don’t know, a heavy wedding gown.
My taste and style were a little insulted to think that she felt the “need” to have a “back up dress.” Perhaps because our styles are so different, she wanted what she thought would be “frumpy” (many people’s “normal”) for the ceremony only and do something a little more “scandelous” at the reception? Just because I’m not having a church ceremony doesn’t give anyone the right to wear a dress like you’re going to a club!
Of course, it also doesn’t make financial sense for her anyway to have two dresses. I know she’s strapped for cash and as it is, her and her SO are freaking out a little that they may not even be able to afford to go (pay for flights) and I feel guilty for that. So why bother buying a second dress?? Besides, the styles I’ve chosen are really simple and really only call for a seamstress, not a fashion designer.
What say you, Bees? Am I totally PMS-ing or being overly sensitive? Or would you be just as annoyed? Any insight into opposing views of my annoyance would be helpful.