(Closed) Need my annoyance validated or invalidated, please

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee

 I definitely think you’re right to be annoyed. Bridesmaids don’t need to change their outfit. 

Post # 4
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m not saying there is a right or wrong in this (don’t really think there is) but in the end, it’s your wedding, and if she’s REALLY having financial issues why the heck would she want to pay for two dresses?

I also agree that bridesmaids don’t get wardrobe changes, even if the bride does unless it’s necessary for the venue, etc. IMO. I mean, BMs change shoes between the two (I have, for comfort for dancing, and I suspect my BMs will) but a new dress? You’re right. It does seem attention stealing. :/ That idea just sucks. Lol

Post # 5
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Its a destination wedding so I really wouldn’t care if she changed. You seem to be trying to control every little thing, isn’t that the opposite of what a destination wedding is all about? If your only having 1 BM it is kind of hard to steal the thunder when there really wont be any. Should she be dressed like she is going to the club though? Probably not.

Post # 6
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t think a bridesmaid needs to change, but otoh, I think you’re way too sensitive about it.  It really depends what type of dress she’s thinking of for the second one – will it be more like a dress everyone else is wearing, or a second bridesmaid style dress?  I guess I am also of the theory that it doesn’t hurt for her to ask, all you need do is say no.  I suspect she was trying to be helpful and figured it’d be a way for a compromise – you get the pictures and ceremony in your style dress, she gets to enjoy the evening dancing and hitting on cuties in her style dress. 

Post # 8
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I do think it’s a little ridiculous that she wants two dresses–your feelings are validated there.  However, your post is overly emotional.  Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt that she isn’t intentionally trying to steal your thunder.  Did she even say that your picks were frumpy or are you putting words in her mouth?

In hindsight, you probably should have just picked a dress and paid for it (since she has to travel).  You have a specific vision for your wedding (nothing wrong with that) and you two have divergent tastes.  However, you already told her to do the legwork, so you are kind of stuck with her ideas.

I would just say to her, “I think just one dress for the wedding is sufficient.  I’m the bride and even I don’t have a reception dress.  I certainly don’t want you to spend any more money than absolutely necessary.”  Since she IS your friend, you probably don’t need to go into the “attention stealing” or what anyone has “the right to do” rants.

Post # 9
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

just play low, and say, if you dont need to buy a second dress, then dont, “i dont want you to spend extra money if you dont have to” then just drop it.  and probably she will not do the change!

 

good luck, and for god’s sake, enjoy your destination wedding, lucky you! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@suhseal: I think you are making it a bigger issue than it is. I have seen bridesmaids change along with the bride. It’s been done a few times on wedding shoes like “My Fair Wedding” Even if you aren’t changing, I still don’t think it’s a big deal for her to change if she wants to be comfortable for the reception. If she’s paying for it, then who cares. You won’t be taking a ton of formal photos at the reception of her and your guests aren’t going to focus all of their attention on her for changing.

Also, just because you think something would be/not be flattering on her, doesn’t mean she thinks the same way. She knows what looks good on her because it’s her body. If you have a certain vision for the wedding and you want to control everything and make her wear what you want her to wear, then pick a dress and tell her that this is the one you want because it’s your wedding.

Post # 12
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This is one of those instances in which you probably need to just pick her dress. If you question her tastes and if she is having a hard time with all the options she has, than this will only help her out. Pick a style that you think will flatter her, tell her why it’s going to be this way, and move on. 

This is unnecessary stress for you because it’s been extended way past the threshold of your patience as a bride. Nip it in the bud.

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