- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 2014
I’ve been lurking a while and this is my first post. It’s anon for obvious reasons. I’ll try to keep it short, blunt, and with just the facts.
A few years ago when I was living at my mom’s house, I caught my mother’s husband watching me through a crack in the bathroom door while I was showering. The first time I caught him I couldn’t determine if he was actually peeking, or if I was crazy. A few months went by and I caught him a second time. This time I confronted him. He confessed that he had been peeking that day and he had “a few” times before. I was in my mid-twenties at this point.
I moved out soon after. My mom chose to stay with him, and downplayed the whole situation. Soon after it happened, we were discussing the incident and I said something to the effect of that was why I knew I had to move away. Her response indicated that my choice to move out because of her perverted husband was an overreaction. Even my aunt and my sister (the only other people who supposedly know about this) act like it’s no big deal.
I still talk to mom and my sister on the phone, and occasionally to my mom’s husband if he’s around when I visit periodically for birthdays/Christmas/etc. Basically what I do is block out the squeamish feelings I have being around him, and try to ignore the fact that I think my mom and sister are crazy for ignoring his behavior. We all just pretend like nothing unusual happened.
I don’t hate him, and I do want him to be happy. But I don’t like him around me/hugging me/whatever. He and mom got together when I was 16, and though I always kept him at arm’s length, I guess I bonded with him some and care about his wellbeing. I am a Christian, so I think that helps with not hating him.
With my wedding coming up, I’ve been thinking more about how to handle the situation as a whole, and how to handle inviting my step-father to my wedding. My fiancée doesn’t know any of this because I don’t want him thinking poorly of my mom and sister.
If you’ve read this far, my questions are:
Would you invite him to the wedding?
If not, what would you say when people ask why he isn’t there?
Finally, what I’ve doubted myself about for years, am I wrong for thinking that a step-father playing peeping tom to his step-daughter is completely unacceptable and is it worth being upset about??