Post # 1
My fiance and I are having some issues figuring out what to do when it comes to inviting kids to our wedding next summer. He has a HUGE family (67 people, composed only of aunts, uncles, and first cousins..), and after a lot of discussion I’ve finally just agreed that it’s best to invite them all and make our guest list a little (or a lot) bigger than I was originally hoping it would be. BUT of those 67 people almost 20 of them are kids. A few of them are a little older and I definitely wouldn’t have any issues having them at our wedding, but about 15 of them still range from infant age to 10 years old which I am not quite as down for. I’ve never really enjoyed kids at weddings and don’t really want any kids in that age range there (let alone 15 of them, especially given that most of them are not that well behaved), but I don’t want to make people feel like they can’t come if their kids aren’t invited. We were thinking of doing a 12 and over only rule, but we’re still pretty concerned that that would prevent a lot of people from being able to come. The venue is a farm in the mountains and is pretty far away for pretty much everybody (at least 1-1.5hr drive, but more for most people), but they will provide child care (which I’ll have to pay for) if we need it. Would it be offensive if I addressed invitations to parents only but then included an insert or something that basically says “kids aren’t invited, but if you can’t find a babysitter we can provide childcare” (in much nicer words, of course)? Also, because this venue is pretty child friendly (I just personally don’t like kids at weddings) should I try to come up with some sort of explanation as to why kids aren’t invited to seem more polite when wording this potential invitation insert? Or should I just straight up say that kids aren’t invited and have that be it? Thank you!!!!
Post # 3
Kids are definitely one of those “you know your family best” situations. We drew the line at 21 – our reception is at a microbrewery so it just seems appropriate.
We included a note on our wedding website (in the FAQ section) that said “due to the nature of our venue, we unfortunately will not be allowed to invite those under the age of 21. If you need assistance in locating chlid care, please contact us”. If someone actually contacts us I have no effing clue what we’ll do, ha!
Also word of mouth has been very helpful.
I do think it would be a little impolite to specifically not invite someone in your invitation.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Don’t invite them if you don’t want them there.
If you want to go the insert route, I’d include an insert that indicates you are providing childcare if parents would like to bring their child 12 or under. I would not phrase it with the conditional about finding a babysitter. Just extend the service and request confirmation if someone needs the childcare.
I agree with PP that to specifically say that children aren’t invited is rude.
Post # 5
Our invitation says “adult reception immediately following”…our guests shouldnt need further explanation. Butttt I’m sure we wil get a question or two. It’s one night and we have a budget…that’s the bottom line.
Post # 6
Thanks for the input! Think it might be better to just go with my original thought of “no one under 12” rather than trying to accomodate everyone? It would certainly save us some money on the child care!
Post # 7
it depends on what’s most important to you – not wanting kids there or wanting people to be able to come.
I know a lot of people who would be offended/not able to make it if their kids weren’t allowed. They’re part of the family too, and weddings are family events traditionally. Yes, it is your day and you can do what you want, but that’s the reality of how many people will feel.
So if you’re ok with people who won’t be able to make it, go for it. Otherwise I’d offer childcare.
Post # 8
@krm1259: Fi and I are in the same situation, and the only kids we’re having are grandkids (who are all teeenagers or infants). We don’t have the space for kids. In addition, we both have huge families, so although we are inviting all of the aunts and uncles, we are only inviting cousins that we actually have regular contact with (if we invited all of our first cousins, that would be an additional 60+ people). Finally, most of my friends with small kids don’t want to bring them anyway, and the one person who tries to drag her kids everywhere has little hellions, so I have no problem telling her that we’re only inviting adults.
Post # 9
Our venue is at a Casino, everyone knows its a 19+ venue. We are having it in a kids friendly section of the venue but we’ve made it an Adult Only Reception. Everyone we have told so far has said “Yes! a night out for the adults, can’t wait to get a babysitter and party”. Even adults need time out without the kids and its one night. They love their kids, but most mom’s have said its been a while since they’ve had a night out and are actually excitied.
Your venue is offering child care services which is great. If you don’t want kids there than don’t. Its your wedding, your day and if you want a 12+ wedding than do that.
Post # 10
In my experience of receiving invites, if you dont write “and family” on the invite, that means that the Mr. and Mrs are only invited. So for example if you write “Mr. and Mrs Smith” only, it automatically says that the children are not invited. If you want to invite one child you can go as “Mr. and Mrs Smith and Tom” for example.
Post # 11
@Mez03: I’ve seen a lot of people react this way, so hopefully we’ll get lucky and most people will prefer the night out without the kids rather than wanting to drag them along. We’ll have to see!
@rosiedee: Dealing with these kids! Super fun, right :)? Deciding to give in and invite all 60 family members was hard enough, but adding 20 kids to the mix? I feel like if they all come they’d pretty much overwhelm the child care available.
@Moraz: The tough thing is that all of these people aren’t close with me, but are cousins of my fiance. I like them all and I’d obviously love it if they could come, but it’s really not going to be a huge deal to me if they can’t make it because their kids can’t come. For me, not having kids at the wedding is more important, but for my fiance, it’s the opposite. And every time we try to talk it over we can’t ever make a solid decision that makes everyone happy. Tough stuff!
I think that what I really need to do is talk with all these moms and try to get a feel for if they’d still be willing to come without kids, or if they’d need the child care. The weird thing is that ALL of the kids belong to cousins of my fiance, so I’d really prefer he talk with them since I’m not as close with any of them. But he’s not the best with words…plus since he doesn’t really feel as strongly about the kid thing as I do he’s not really into the idea of talking to all these moms about it. The joys of wedding planning! Thank you guys again for all your help with this. I really appreciate all the help/ideas I can get!
Post # 12
It’s your wedding and you can invite (or not invite) whoever you want. Don’t worry about offending people – someone is always going to be upset about SOMETHING. You can’t please everyone and it’s not worth trying to do so.
If you have a “cut off” age, just state on the invite (or an insert):
“Children ages 12 and older are welcome at the ceremony and reception. Child care for those who are younger will be provided at X place.”
Or if you don’t want any kids there at all, just state:
“The bride and groom have requested that all guests be over the age of 18 (or 21). Child care will be available for children ranging in ages from ? – ? at X place.”
Post # 13
It took longer, but well worth it. Our RSVP cards are as follows:
Will Attend Will Not Attend Beef Chicken Vegan
TThs wording makes it clear who is invited and invitations are NOT Transferable
Post # 14
This is your wedding and it completely up to you. I know this has been a hot button topic in the past. We are not having children there and we have add at the bottom of our invitations “we wish your children sweet dreams on our wedding night” to pleasantly let people know that we do love their children but do not feel that tehy should be at our wedding. I really just don’t want a toddler screaming as a walk down the aisle or to have little kids picking the cneterpieces that I spent lots of money on or making a mess of the table clothes and chair covers because if tehy are stained I have to pay for them.