Need opinions please-lousy first anniversary :(

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@lorie:  🙁 sorry you’re going through this.  I hate that pit-in-the-stomach feeling when you don’t know what is going on.  I’d ask him for some time (alone) to sit down and talk.  All you can do is state the facts, use your “I-statements” and let him know how you feel.  Maybe there is a reason for all of this, or he might be stressed.  I know when my guy is stressed about stuff, the intimacy is usually the 1st thing to go.

Post # 4
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

That’s pretty much what I’m expecting on our first anniversary!

I don’t think it’s a bad reflection on you or your marriage. Men just try way less after they know they have it on lock!

Post # 5
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@lorie:  We took our dog to the vet and grabbed Burger King on the way home. That was our 1st anniversary on July 6. Still an awesome day.

If things have felt off I don’t think a romantic evening would have pacified you anyway. I believe him when he says he feels like he can’t do anything right lately. I think that was YOUR opportunity to ask him what was up and get to the root of a deeper issue, but instead you choose to be upset over the lack of a grand anniversary. Perhaps you need to have a talk with him about what you both are and are not getting from this marriage WITHOUT mentioning the lack of a gift on your anniversary.

Post # 6
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t know…we always just go out to dinner for anniversaries…and birthdays…we only give gifts at xmas, and not always even…so sounds like a typical anniversary to me in our world *shrug* 

Post # 7
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We went to the Indy 500 for our anniversary.  Spent the actual day of our 1st anniversary at my in-laws house.  Meh.  But it was a great weekend.

Sounds like you guys need some time to talk about what’s up.  Without mentioning specifically that he didn’t get you a present.  “I feel like you are trying as hard anymore” is valid but “you didn’t get me a present” when you didn’t specifically tell him you wanted one isn’t. 

Post # 8
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m sorry it was so crappy for you. I was kind of expecting the same thing from my DH, so the day before our anniversary, I told him that I was going to wash the floors, so could he please go to the mall and pick up an anniversary gift while he was out.

I told him it was the ‘paper’ anniversary, so he could just get a card, he came back with a beautiful gold necklace.

I know if I didn’t prod him and send him out the door like that, I would have ended up dissapointed too.

Unfortunately, as nice as it was, he ended the day with, “don’t expect this every year, I’m not doing anything again until it’s a “big” anniversary.”

Guess I just have to quelch my expectations to avoid feeling let down.


Post # 10
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@lorie:  Did you get him anything?  Or maybe you could be the one to book a nice dinner?  Sometimes I think there is a lot of pressure on men to always make all of the romantic gestures. I don’t know all the details, but it doesn’t sound like anything that can’t be fixed with a little work.  I hope it turns out ok for you!

Post # 11
1637 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I wouldn’t worry about it, every year is different. Every occassion is different. My DH does that thing sometimes too, where I will tell him one upcoming event is important to me (ie: our last Valentines before we were married) and he will do absolutely nothing on that day for me and come home from work late for no reason. If there is some sense of feeling underappreciated then by all means, feel that way, but I doubt that’s what’s motivating his actions or lack thereof.

I don’t think it has anything to do with the age gap, or him being younger, or him being bored of you. It’s just that every individual person is different and has their own unique ways of marking special dates or showing their partner love.

Post # 12
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@lorie:  There are a couple of things on this Earth that men just don’t understand…Valentine’s Day, Anniversaries and facials…..I’ve spent a lot of time thinking on these things and I’ve come to the conclusion that men, at least most of them, live in the moment primarily, and resist remembering the past, looking ahead and minimizing pores….

We were engaged on Valentine’s Day, so on the one year anniversary of that momentous day, I totally outdid myself and nearly offed my husband, our dogs and his kids in a rage of jilted fury when he neglected to do so much as the dishes for me after I stuffed them to the gills with fried chicken and all the trimmings….either way, he learned that ANY effort is better than nothing and I learned that if I have something I want to have happen….I’ll have to plan it, because his mind just doesn’t work that way, but if I initiate it, he’s more than happy to join in, give input and gets excited, because we’re doing it together and there’s no angst…it also reminds him to find some way to show me that another year later, I’m still the one he wants…however he chooses to show me.


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