Post # 1
So far, planning a wedding has been an easy thing. I’m very crafty so I didn’t need much help preparing centerpieces, bouquets, etc…but I at least expected my bridesmaids to offer assistance. If the shoe were on the other foot, I would offer help but that’s the kind of person I am. I’m suposed to buy gifts as a thank you for being in my weddding but I am not thankful for them. I didn’t even choose my bridesmaids. I finally feel miserable and defeated about the whole thing and I don’t even want to have a ceremony knowing they will be present at the alter with me. This day should be about me having fun and I can’t do that with people around me who could care less. Am I being self absorbed or do I have a reason to complain?
Signed, Sad Bride to Be in NYC
Post # 3
I’m sorry that you feel this way. My bridesmaids (namely my MOH) have been a massive help in mostly my decision-making process. Like you, I’m very crafty and have done pretty much everything on my own. And since all of my girls are anywhere from 500-6,000 miles away, I can only rely on them for things that can be done on the internet.
That is what your bridal party is there for. To support you and to stand by you on one of the most important days of your life.
I’m a bit confused, what do you mean that you didn’t choose your bridesmaids? Why didn’t you get to pick your own bridal party?
Post # 4
i think some people are glad to help but wait to be asked maybe?
im not sure it would necessarily occur to me to offer help unless you specifically said “so on saturday i need to make 100 bags of almonds and the tags…”
then i might say “im free, need a hand!”
Post # 5
Two of my BM’s are my fiance’ cousins, both of whom are children compared to me (17 and 18 respectively, I’m 28). At first it was an argument but I decided if I wanted the guy, I had to give him somthing. 1 BM is my cousin who pushed herself into the wedding and I couldn’t say no to her mother (she’s my fav aunt). I picked my MOH but she also is too involved with work to look up from the computer (she’s tied to her at home job)
Post # 6
I didn’t have any help from my BM’s either. I wanted my best friends to be there, they were. I gave them a gift thanking them for standing by my side, for being there for me and now DH, for being part of some of the biggest memories and best times of my life.
I don’t get what you mean about .. you not picking your bridesmaids. Sometimes people need to be asked to be helpful.
Post # 7
i see your point @newname 99. i always felt that being a BM is a privelege that people would enjoy. Mine are just going through the motions. Making my journey miserable
Post # 8
For me my memories will be the rest of my life with my husband. I could care less about a ceremony now. the thrill is gone. About choosing BM, see my post above. Thanks for your advice
Post # 9
That stinks! But atleast you handsome groom to console you/help you make 300 Jordan Almond favors!
Post # 10
so true…i just needed to hear from someone who knows my shoes
Post # 11
I’m sorry you didn’t get to pick your BM. You listed their ages of 17 and 18…They are teens. Is it possible no one has told them they need to be helping you? It wasn’t until I was in a wedding in my early 20’s that I realized how much support BM give a bride. I’m sure teens just think it’s about wearing a nice dress and showing up.
Have you considered asking for their help? Or asking their parents for their help? Also, is it too late to ask at least one friend to stand by you?
I keep seeing you write they are making your miserable. How is it that children (literally) are making you miserable? Are they being rude to you? What’s the real reason? Do you not feel supported? Are you resentful about something?
I am reading this book called Emotionally Engaged, which I highly suggest to any bride. It talks about expectations and how they can really get us down. I went through my share of that early on in our engagement.
You always have support on WB!!! Keep writing here! 🙂
Post # 12
Thank you @lichtetheway
I suppose its possible that they don’t know the role of a BM but they should have known what they were in for when they agreed. This isn’t their first go around, but I suppose it is being under 21 (learning new things). They would never have been my first choice but to please my fiance, I guess. If I chose them, my expectations might have been different.It feels forced and I hate to be pressured to please others, especially when they don’t make any efforts to please me. Their is only one person who serves as mother to them (one girl Mom is in another country). The “mother” is too pushy and long before any arrangments were made she demanded that her family (finance side) be equally represented. Now this wedding is turning into his family and only 32 out of 90 are my family. Funny thing, the BM’ personalities don’t make me miserable, they’ve haven’t said or done anything bad to me, they are just space fillers; they ignore my texts (thought kids liked that), emails, phone calls and when I do see them face to face they have nothing to say. I don’t feel supported and I really wanted my fiance and I’ wedding to be about us and not a showcase for everyone to critize. Its a long long story. Too bad elopment is out of the question, he won’t have that. I will check that book out…Thanks
Post # 13
They may not know how to help – you said you’re crafty and you’ve got the DIY situation under control. My MOH is across the country in Seattle, and one of my bridesmaids is in DC. So they’re helping by giving opinions, providing sanity/bridezilla checks and general emotional support. Try asking for some help getting things assembled, I’m sure they’d love to help. They’re not mind readers, give them some direction!