need outside help

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

simone89:  what do the messages between them say, and what is his explanation for those messages since he supposedly cut her off 4 years ago?

Post # 4
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

simone89:  Is it possible with her being obsessed with your guy that she made that up in an effort to get you two to break up so she could make a move?

But, all in all, he did lie. He said he cut her out 4 years ago, but asked her to come over sometime in between there. I would probably be questioning that a bit.

Post # 5
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I do think you need to leave your home for a few weeks and spend time with family and friends.  When you are thinking more clearly and are less emotional, you will accept the evidence staring you in the face!  

All the evidence says that he is a liar and a cheater and his “love” for you is actually habit, convenience, and emotional dependence.  Somebody who truly loved would not be putting you through this situation 8 weeks before your wedding.  Someone who loves you would have cut this woman out of his life, and have been honest, respectful, and considerate towards you.  (Edit: a trustworthy man would not have communicated with her AT ALL and would have told you about it had she tried)  Do you have a screenshot of those FB messages? Read them when he is professing his “love” for you.  

Edit: It’s a pretty heavy coincidence if the dates he messaged her just magically happened to be dates when you were working.  She has zero access to your work schedule.  So it’s most definitely not a “he said she said” scenario.    

Post # 6
Member
5839 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

simone89:  Whether he did this or not, your trust has been shaken. I do think you need to postpone your wedding. Just until you can get to a happy place again. Please, please get into couple’s counseling ASAP. 

Post # 9
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If she sent you plaintext, it’s pretty easy to fake those. If she sent you screenshots of the text, it’s still possible to fake them, just a bit more difficult (fonts and spacing needs to match, colors need to be spot on, etc) so if she sent you text, I’d be less inclined to believe her.

Post # 10
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

Wow, facebook and relationships. Another thread where I have to say that blocking anyone and everyone on facebook from eachother’s pasts is the only way to avoid this crap. Also, I’m sorry for your loss 🙁 

 

If you believe him, have him message her to quit with the lies, view the message yourself and then watch him block her. If you don’t believe him, please postpone the wedding. You should also block her yourself.

Post # 12
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

simone89:  I completely agree. Technology has made it so much easier to cheat. However, it’s also made it easier to catch a cheater. It is a good sign he deactivated his account, though. Ask him how he would feel if your ex said something similar to him. Tell him you just want the truth and if he loves you, you are willing to work through it. Even if you’re not willing, he may break down and give you the truth. If he swears up and down that it’s just her that is psycho, it’s up to you what to do. Either way, he must never put the blame on you or get highly defensive. You are the “victim” and he should reassure you until he is blue in the face.

Post # 13
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

simone89:  Part of me thinks this other woman could have said that out of spite, until you said your friends and family don’t want you with him. If the people closest to you feel like he’s likely a liar, then he probably is.  If you have evidence that he actually contacted her that seems concrete enough to leave him.  Are you prepared for a lifetime with someone you can never fully trust?  I hope you can get it sorted.

Post # 14
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

simone89:  I can’t believe the terrible advice you’re getting here.  Finding out the truth isn’t rocket science.  Meet up with this woman and have her show you the facebook messages with “facebook.com” at the top.  Read any texts and call the number to see it if reaches his voicemail.  See if their supposed meetup matches your work schedule.  Have him show you his call records online. 

I know you want to believe him, but be kind to yourself and discover the real truth.  If you’re convinced he’s innocent, do it to give yourself peace of mind.  At least do it for your friends and family who are probably worreid sick right now.  

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