Post # 1
We are planning a small, family only beach wedding for the end of Feb. 2013. My parents are paying for half and FI is paying for half. We are renting a beach house about an hour from where I live for 3 nights. FI is inviting his family to stay at his house for a few days before we take over the beach house. His family will be coming from all over the south. He has a large family with A LOT of small children. I have a small family. I am inviting 5 people to the wedding, including my parents and my daughter. He is inviting approx 30, half of them are children.
I have been concerned about disagreeing with anything because I don’t want to be selfish or “bride-zilla”. However, it is really bothering me that he wants his entire family to stay over at the beach house. There are 5 bedrooms. I wasn’t going to say anything but I have told this to 2 people now and they both commented on the logistics of getting everything done and setup with that many people staying in the house and how it seems like more of a vacation for them than it does our wedding. There obviously wont be room for anyone in my family to stay and when I commented on the fact that there wouldn’t be enough room for his entire family, he said they can just sleep on the floor and in sleeping bags or it will be first come first serve and the rest will stay back at his house.
We will have the house thurs, fri, and sat night and will get married in an evening beach ceremony on sat. then have our reception right there in the beach house. When I asked if his family would be staying there on our wedding night, he said that we will just pack up and leave and go stay somewhere else and they will stay at the beach house.
Does this seem weird to anyone else? Just for the record, no one in his family is strapped for money in any way so that is not an issue.
Post # 3
It does sound weird and a bit cramped! It’s not going to be comfortable with having so many people in the beach house and I am sure you will need ample room for the wedding stuff. How about having your parents (daughter, of course) and FI’s paents stay at the beach house with you both and let everyone else either stay at the other house and the remaining getting hotel rooms? You can offer to do a block which will offer a lower rate. It might entice FI to suggest it to his family even if they can afford it.
Post # 4
I say don’t allow the house to be overcrowded with people sleeping on the floor! With a bunch of kids, I’m sure clean up at the house in time for the reception will be slow going. And it’s a bummer that none of your family gets to stay there. I’m sorry. I don’t think it’s weird though that you and your FI stay somewhere else on your wedding night. That’s what we’re doing for my wedding. We rented a house where the reception will be and 90% of both immediate families are staying there. We are staying at a separate house so we can get away when we want to. The next day we’ll come back to the house for breakfast 🙂
Post # 5
This is a disaster waiting to happen. You don’t need to be responsible for where everyone sleeps and allocating rooms on a first come first served basis is a TERRIBLE idea. What about organizing a second house nearby where his family can stay and do their own room allocation? This will still be very cost effective and give them the chance to stay together while giving you all some space. Particuarly since the wedding is at your rental you don’t want everyone crashing there. Even for a beach house with extra beds, 30 people in 5 bed rooms is too many. I’m sure the house owner would not approve and the septic tank probably can’t handle that many people either. use these facts to reason with your FI. I like the PP’s idea that you reserve a bedroom for each of your paretns and your daughter. I would consider using the last bedroom as a staging area as I imagine you will have lots of wedding things and the less people you have to worry about the better. Maybe you could invite the whole family to join you back at your rental for breakfast on the beach the next day but make sure they sleep some where else.
Post # 6
This just doesn’t make sense. Thirty people for a five bedroom house. Not enough bathrooms or space it won’t work. They need to find other places.
Post # 7
The logistics of doing a reception in a house that’s been ransacked by that many people would be a nightmare. Encourage him to move them elsewhere or move the reception. That just doesn’t sound doable!
Post # 8
@cupcakeFL: We almost did the same thing you’re describing. But I told my FI that no way did I want anyone else staying with us at our beach house, either before the wedding, during it, or after. Even though it sleeps 12 – it’s our wedding and wedding night, people!
So, in the end we opted to have our wedding locally, in a garden that is convenient for his entire family, and afterwards we’re heading to our honeymoon beach house for a week – alone! 😉
So, to answer your question – you need to speak up about this – it’s your wedding.
Post # 9
yikes sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. I’d plan ahead and let everyone stay in the house and you guys get your own place! I think it will be worth the extra $ in the end!
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
This isn’t a college spring break trip to Cancun, this is your wedding. 30 people in a 5-bedroom? NO way- considering that it’s probably designed for 12 people max to stay there. Sounds like you need to rent two more houses!
Post # 11
Thank you so much to all the responses, it’s been weighing on me but I felt like if I said anything that he would see me as being difficult and unwelcoming to his family. I have made subtle comments about the setup once but he quickly brushed it off with “what? of course my family will be staying at the beach house.” Now that I have seen your responses though, I’m even more set in the opinion that it’s not going to work. I sent him an email, he is visiting his parents with his sons out of town, expressing my discomfort with the situation so I’m sure we will talk about it today. 🙂
Post # 12
@cupcakeFL: Could you and he rent two beach houses total? One for you two, and one for them? Or ask that his family rent a separate house?
Post # 13
We discussed renting two beach houses but he didn’t want to spend that much money. He has a good income but is frugal. His family is used to staying in small places on vacation and just packing in tight to save money. I think they actually like it. I don’t think he would feel comfortable asking his family to rent another house and I’ve never met any of them so I’m not. He has a nice large house of his own for them to stay at that is about 45 minutes from the beach house, I’m hoping to convince him to just have everyone stay there. 🙂 Or we could just elope
Post # 14
Definately say something.
Post # 15
Southern folk got their own way, probably just really laid back people, but if you aren’t happy don’t be afraid to speak your mind, if they’re fine sleeping on the floor, they’ll be fine sleeping somewhere else too.