Need Perspective…I Am Wrong?

posted 3 years ago in Holidays
Post # 3
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Meant2Bee:  In honesty I think it is really rude and presumptious to tell people to save for a present. That is just my opinion though (it is almost like asking for cash) 

Post # 4
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Meant2Bee:  It kinddddd of sounds like you’re asking for a money shower for Christmas.  It is her money and she can spend it as she’d like.  However, if you’ve already told her you two’s preference on gifts this Christmas she shouldn’t be asking you for ideas.  But hey, maybe she thought it was something you two could discuss and work on your relationship?

Post # 5
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Meant2Bee:  Let it go.  It’s rude to try and dictate what gift is given.  You’ve made your preference known and if your MIL wants to get you something non-wedding related then she is well within her rights to do so.

Post # 6
Member
3519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Meant2Bee:  I think it’s perfectly fine for you and your Fi to be saving for the wedding, but it is somewhat unreasonable to ask that others forgo gifts and help with wedding items as well. If they ask you what you want, however, and you answer something like, “Oh, a birdcage to use for cards at the wedding would be nice.” then that’s a different story.

As his mom, your FMIL has every right to buy her son gifts if she wants to and can afford it.  If she has that much money, she’ll probably end up chipping in for the wedding as well, right?

 

Post # 7
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Just let you FMIL get you guys gifts.  I’m surprised shes the only one thats gone against your request – since my family and my in-laws would never NOT give us anything for Christmas or our birthdays.  It may be something small, but they always give something.

Post # 8
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It is their money to with what they wish. To try to dictate otherwise is offensive and rude.

Post # 9
Member
6504 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Let it go. You can kindly say you don’t have any ideas but I don’t think you should get upset when people use their money to buy you a gift instead of just handing you cash or getting you something for the wedding. It’s like when you don’t want wedding gifts and prefer cash. You tell people you don’t have a registry and let them choose from there. I think you should just be happy that people give you anything and not get frustrated because they don’t give you exactly what you ask for.

Post # 10
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I do see your point.  FI and I want to do a very small christmas this year since we’re saving for the wedding too (Which is SUPER hard for me, bc i love going nuts buying everyone gifts for christmas LOL), but I think for this is sounds like a case of pick your fights.  I think regardless of what you and your FI tell your FMIL, she is going to buy gifts fo ryou.  I think you should just take a deep breath, and let her do what she wants.  Its not worth the extra stress to fight with her, especially since its a losing battle.  Just let her buy what she wants and smile and say thanks. LOL That way she will be happy and it will save stress and arguments for you.

Post # 12
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Meant2Bee:  Unless you had something specific that she could purchase for the wedding… like a THING, not a service… I don’t see a way to tactfully ask for that. For instance, if I was planning to DIY a bunch of stuff I might need supplies, so maybe I’d ask for a Cricut to cut paper or paints or something. Or even a gift certificate to Joanns or Michaels. Maaaaybe you could get away with “He is so stressed about how he’ll pay for his tux…. maybe that would be a good gift”. But it sounds like you want people to give you the money they would have spent on the gift, which is not really something you can ask for polietly. 

Post # 13
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You are wrong.

Its her money, she can get you what she wants and she is trying to be NICE and get you/him a GIFT. 

If you just cannot accept a gift in the spirit in which its given, sell it after Christmas and save the cash for the wedding.

Post # 15
Member
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m sorry if you guys decide not to get gifts to save for your wedding it’s fine. But telling other people what they have to spend their money on, reeks of entitlement.

A gift is something someone willingly gives to another person. At that point with you making demands its not longer a gift.

 

Another thing is worth starting an arguement and causing issues and bad feelings with your inlaws over this.

 

 If she gives you gift accept it graciously. I think you are in the wrong here.

Post # 16
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Meant2Bee:  Rather than giving me a $50 gift card to a fabulous spa or even Walmart to shop for groceries, every year DH’s grandma spends that money on buying junky shit from the dollar store that we throw out when we get home. Think bad candy, loofahs, and one time a miniature boom box that had corrdoed batteries in it.

MIL spends at least $100 bucks on us, and she always asks what DH wants. I tell her, and she never buys it. She gets something he just doesn’t want or need, but because she is sentimental it means something to her. For instance, she always buys him these stupid German Shorthair dog plates because he used to have a GSH. A 28 year old man doesn’t want or need those, and he has yet to put them up or find a spot for them.

Can you tell them to stop spending that money? No. It is their’s. We just smile and say thank you. It would be rude or ungrateful of us to say otherwise.

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