Post # 1
Hello All. I am a 22 (23 next month) year old woman who has been with my boyfriend since we were 15. In that time period we’ve both made it out of toxic house holds and live happily on our own since March. I had a major health crisis, went from 283lbs to 156 lbs in 2 years. He went from a stock boy at waldbaums to a NYC police officer etc etc. We both attended couples therapy to help deal with my emotionally abusive mother and his neglectful parents, but the therapist passed away recently.
This is where i need your assistance. She had full faith that our relationship was stable, healthy and long lasting. My new therapist who has met us 4 times even has full faith in us. BUT i keep googling and reading on weddingbee how people who marry young don’t last, have high divorce rates etc. I just need reassurance that my age does NOT add up to my life experience. That 23 is not too young to be engaged and 25 is not too young to marry my best friend and other half. Your words are appreciated!!
Post # 3
It depends on the couple, and if outside people notice that you two are perfect for each other, then go for it. I wish you all the best. 🙂
Post # 4
This is coming from someone who will be married at 24, but I don’t think that age has anything to do with whether you last in a marriage or not. I think it’s the level of committment and maturity. If people are saying that you two are healthy and stable, then that’s awesome! If you feel that you are stable and healthy, go for it! You can’t help when you meet the right person. (I have given this a lot of thought, and had the same thoughts as you are having right now.) If you feel like you guys will make it, then go for it. Waiting until you are 30 necessarily make it a better marriage.
With that said, you need to feel stable and secure too. If you feel like you need to wait, then wait. Express your concerns to your FI and talk them out. But I would go with whatever your gut is telling you.
Post # 5
Doesn’t sound like you need to worry about it. Age is just one of many variables, and if you’re in a good relationship (sounds like you are), it isn’t something to be worried about. Also, I don’t think 25 is that young to get married.
Post # 6
The chances of marrying young and it effecting the success of your marriage greatly depends on one factor… How committed are BOTH of you to making it work? I believe that has more importance than anyones age. There are absolutely no guarantees in life and I’d love to tell you that your marriage will last forever but I don’t think just being young is a putting you on the road to divorce.
It seems like you have done a lot of therapy as a couple and your therapist believes in your relationship. That says a lot. I would have faith in yourself, your FI and making your marriage a success. I was married at 19 and divorced after 17 years but I was married to a man who didn’t know how to be a husband and a father. He also didn’t think we had any problems and wouldn’t even think about therapy. I’m married now to a man who truly wants to make our marriage last until we breathe our last breath. The only advise I can give is communicate, communicate, communicate!!!!
Post # 7
I will be 21 when I get engaged and 23 when I get married. My SO and I have been together for 3 years and I have no doubts what so ever that we will beat all of the statics for young couples. Age has nothing to do with life experiences, maturity, or love. If you two are in a point in your life where marriage and starting a life together is right for you, then go for it!
Post # 8
I was 23 when I got married, my husband had just turned 22 a few months before we’re still going strong, everyone always tells us “you’re our favorite couple” and “I want a love like yours!”
Don’t pay attention to statistics, you’ll only drive yourself crazy.
Post # 9
My parents got married at 19 and 21 and are still going strong, 37 years later. I think it’s more about maturity than age. Some people are more like 30 year olds at 21, and vice Versa. It sounds like you have a solid foundation. I wish you many years of happiness!
Post # 10
You have two professional counselors telling you that you are ready. I think that’s the best endorsement you can get. Clearly you have a maturity level beyond your age to even seek couples therapy at your ages. You know the tools if you hit bumps down the road.
YES, do not question.
Post # 11
It sounds okay but are you feeling weird about due to your last post with the odd sexual behavior? Did you guys sort that out?
If you guys are solid theres no reason to worry. I personally cannot phathom your situation though. I knew I wanted to get some experience so I wouldn’t wonder. I did and by 22 I was all set and looking for the right one. If I had ended up with who I was dating at 15, I would be with a total loser.
You guys seemed to have grown together and what not so if you think this is love and not simply this is what I’m doing because I’ve always done it, or I’m too scared to go out there even though I’m not happy here then go ahead a proceed.
Even with FI I was a little worried I was staying with him because I was comfortable and we’d been through so much but no I really do love him and really could see myself being with him for a long time. In my head it was that way that we were just going to be together. With other guys I could see the end with FI I just didn’t want to, I was happier considering the possibilities within the relationship instead of the what ifs outside of it.
I think 23 is a fine age, I met FI when I was 22 and we got engaged when I was 25. Not to be a downer but divorce can happen at any age, and even in our relationship we have discussed what we would do if it came to that and what it would take to make us reach that decision. Your age isnt too young to be married and really any age isnt too young if thats truly what the two people are about and serious which two counselors have told you that you are mentally ready. So now its just up for your heart to decide.
Post # 12
i met my hubby at 16. It can work.. but marriage is can be a crazy shit storm. Its hard, but absolutley worth it, if your both willing to put in the effort and attention it needs. Anyone that tells you marriage is easy is either lying or really lucky. I love my husband more than anything. Im not going to lie. there have been time where ive wanted to leave. im sure as shit there has been times where he wanted to leave. But there have been those absolutly amazing times where there is no where i would rather be than with my husband. yes we do fight sometimes, and we have to handle huge obsticles, but we did it together. we make time for each other and we also make time for ourselves. You need to make sure you dont forget who you are or who he is. and work at it. Statistically speaking, you can manipulate any statistics to work in the favour of the rgument your presenting. If on average 50% of couples divorce, it can also be said that 50% of couples dont divorce! Glass half full!! you dont have to be the stastic they are representing!!
And seeing that your already in therapy for other reasons, then i dont see why you wouldnt use it if you needed to in your marriage.
GOOD LUCK! live the life you want!
Post # 13
For me, I take the 50% statistic as a positive. Half of all marriages LAST. The reason that people who marry younger have higher divorce statistics is because there are a lot of couples who get married for the wrong reasons, especially when they’re younger. There are still people getting married for the wrong reasons who are older, but with time there is more of a chance you’ll have experienced life and can understand the amount of work marriage takes.
I’m 21 and my husband is 30 and I am not scared at all about being able to work through anything because we’ve both been through difficult things in the past and have gotten through them, plus many challenges in our relationship (and past relationships) so we have no illusions that marriage will fix any problems we have or that it’s all going to be easy and that divorce will ever be a solution to any problem we have.
You guys have come through a lot. Therapy is also a huge help because it can give you tools to make a relationship and marriage last. Have faith in yourself and your boyfriend. Age is just a number. Maturity, commitment, love, trust, etc are the important things.
Post # 14
My coworker got married when she was 19 and she is now 77. She is still married and so much in love with her hubby. They have 4 children and amazing stories. I admire people that get married young b/c to me it seems that you are that commited and so mature that you would start your life with someone no matter how old you are and no matter what people have to say about it. Age doesn’t mean a thing. You could 40, get married and be divorced by 41 if you are not commited with each other.
I got married 5 months ago. I am 30 yrs old. I wish i would have met my husband as young as you know your FI so i could have started my life with him earlier.
Good luck and lots of happiness!!! :))
Post # 15
@Mrs Christopher: the odd behavior hasn’t happen since that night. i told him how i felt about it and explained why i was startled etc.
we do have this amazing ability to adapt and grow together and we’ve been thrown into some pretty rough circumstances. i’ve been through enough to know what i deserve and he exceeds it. the man works full time and still cleans the house!! hahaha but in all seriousness i have nothing in my gut telling me this is not right. it’s just random late night googling that i need to quit.
Also, i feel like how did i get this lucky to have found this and have this stable partner who feels the same way i do? it all just feels like the next natural step.
i appreciate everyones thoughts!!
Post # 16
I don’t think it is age, but maturity. Some 18 year Olds are 50 at heart and others are bridezillas. Joking! In all seriousness, my dh was married in his late twenties and his ex was thirty. They lasted a year. I am 25 and he is almost 31, and there isn’t a single issue yet.
I think you will be fine, if you feel your relationship is mature enough for marriage.