- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 2014
I’m looking for advice, reassurance, confort, anything…
My pregnancy was a total surprise, me and my FI were using protection consistently because we both agreed that a baby was out of the question for at least 2 -3 years for multiple reasons. I’ve always wanted to be a mom and had baby fever for years but a pregnancy right now really wasn’t in our best interests.
After I found out I was pregnant, I got SO sick (Hyperemesis gravidarium) that I couldn’t think about the pregnancy/ the baby, I was miserable and all of my energy went to trying to recover. Now that I’m 4 months I feel sooo much better, and while I feel more attached to the baby (still not as much as I would have imagined) the reality that we’re having a real, tiny human that we’re totally responsible for in a few months is sinking in and it’s freaking me out.
Not because I think I won’t be a good mom (I honestly believe I will be), it’s mostly because right now I feel so unprepared. Besides of all the original reasons we had for NOT getting pregnant, other things that bother me are: I have no experience with babies/kids, both of our families live very far away from us, we have no space for a nursery/baby stuff, I haven’t bought anything at all, I don’t even know where to begin, I won’t have a baby shower because I don’t have many friends where we live (I would only have a handful of people to invite). I’m a researcher type of person, normally, at this point, I would have read most books/online resources on pregnancy/childbirth/life with a newborn, but because I’ve been so sick I haven’t read anything at all, I’m completely clueless and overwhelmed.
My mom tells me I’m over-analyzing things, that having a baby is the most natural thing in the world, that women have been doing it since the beginning of time, and even gives me the example of teen moms that are hardly well-equipped to take care of a baby but once they give birth, instinct takes over and they become amazing mothers. All of that conforts me a little bit, after all, I’m living in the US now where “first world problems” mentality sometimes extend to maternity as in ‘I need to have the absolute best brand of baby wipes warmer!’ Versus where I’m originally from, a developing country where women have babies under the most extreme circumstances and their babies not only survive but thrive and do great! Maybe I’m letting my new place of residence to influence me too much because oftentimes I read the pregnancy or baby blogs and forums and feel extreme anxiety and guilt at not being ready, not knowing, not having…!! (For sake of full disclosure, I do have an anxiety disorder)
Maybe this is not advice-seeking after all, maybe this is just venting… At the end of the day, this is truly my dream come true, I just didn’t expect that it would happen now and that I would have such mixed feelings about it as opposed to being in absolute bliss and focus as I had always assumed…