- 3 years ago
We have been together 1.5 years and I’m in my late 20s, he his early 30s. We have talked about marriage, kids, etc.. We don’t discuss finances too in depth because we are not engaged and he has said he doesn’t find it appropriate to discuss finances until we are engaged.
We have talked about getting engaged and one of his major concerns was the money, that he felt like he wanted to wait until he had more money, about a year away. Okay that sounds fine, except he is now considering taking a job with a $20,000 annual pay CUT. He hasn’t even been upfront with me about the extent of the pay cut because he doesn’t tell me how much he earns now. I just know because he leaves his paycheck stubs out all the time and I saw them. The job he is considering published the salary with the job posting and he showed it to me, so that’s how I know.
Things I wanted, like traveling, aren’t important to him if he takes this job because there is a lot of travel involved in the job. He said he wants to travel with me, but can’t afford to. So this makes me wonder again, why consider the pay cut?
The travel of this new job is extensive, sometimes for months at a time and there isn’t a lot of notice given. Because of the travel, if we had kids, obviously he wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with them. He says “it’s not ideal, but people make it work all the time.” This is true, but I’m worried about balancing my career and taking care of kids by myself while he’s gone. He just feels like its something we would have to figure out and deal with, but really it’s something I would have to figure out and deal with.
He says with the new job he would still want us to get married. He also is very unhappy with the job he is in now, and I definitely don’t want him to stay in that position. I’m just not sure how to feel about this. On one hand, I want to support him in taking a job that will make him happy. On the other hand, I don’t see how giving up salary, vacations with me, and spending time with our future kids is a good idea. But maybe I’m getting way ahead of myself.
I’m not even sure what conversation I need to have with him to gain more information. I want to talk to him about it, but I realize I can easily come off like I am not supportive of this new job, which I haven’t made up mind on if I am or not- but I know it will sound like I’m not supportive of him and I don’t want that.
I guess I’m looking for objective insight.
- This topic was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by CaliforniaLovin.