Post # 1
Hi y’all… This is my first time posting and I am looking for some advice…. My wedding is not till next summer, but we are putting together our final guest list so we can send out the STD. My FH’s parents and grandparents are paying for the majority of the wedding. My parents do not have much money and my mom is pretty sick…I wanted a small, simple wedding and have both our parents contribute a small amount of money (around 2k) so the contribution my parents could give would not seem so tiny and we figure out the rest…. My generous MIL and GMIL said that they would like to contribute about 15k together. We were shocked and it did take a lot of weight off of our shoulders. I feel like I made a deal with the devil. My MIL list of people that “must” be invited is literally three times my parents. She is constantly asking (and putting in her opinions) about details regarding colors, flowers, etc… which to be honest is the last thing on my mind. With a sick parent, wedding planning just kind of sucks all around and isn’t a priority (although I am being good about staying on my timeline). I am beginning to really resent her (MIL) as well as unfortunately my FH (I am trying not too, but am unsucessful). What to do???
Post # 3
Unfortunately, it is usually the case that whoever puts up the money for the event gets to have an opinion on everything, guest list included. I’m sorry that your mom is sick. Try talking to you FMIL and explain that while you appreciate her trying to help with planning, you want to take a small break from it so you can concentrate on your mom for a little while. It will all come together. Good luck sweetie – hugs.
Post # 4
@navyblueandyellow: first off, bee, big hugs for what you’re going through. working on a tight budget is tough enough without others trying to suffocate your day. secondly, it is YOUR (AND FH) day! i do believe if they’re paying for such a big chunk of the wedding, they should have that much of a say. BUT i also believe people should know their boundaries. i suggest you have a serious talk with your fiance- figure out what you want from this wedding and agree on goals and priorities. if you want to focus on a simple and intimate wedding you need to speak up! if your FI disagrees you need to come to a compromise. i believe this exercise is crucial for you to FOCUS especially on a budget.
after coming up with a plan as a team. with the support of FI confront MIL and GMIL. confront as in nicely, but firmly state to them your vision. tell them you hugely appreciate their monetary offer, but you feel pressured by them to deviate from your vision. if they insist on bombarding you with cash and their dreams, i would decline their support. my grandmother is a VERY VERY… opinionated person and my dad did little to tame her. i talk to my mom a lot and she always regrets not speaking up. the one thing she did stand up to was my grandma trying to add my dad’s cousins as BRIDESMAIDS! when those cousins got married they apologized to my mother bc they understood how frustrating that was.
ps. i would also be super upfront about your personal stress. it’s always easier to understand one’s actions when they put their thoughts and actions in context.