(Closed) Need some advice bees – My Mom keeps telling everyone how much our wedding costs

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Sorry you have to suffer through this. What’s really unfortunate is the fact that it’s your parents who are paying for a lot of it, so if your mom wants to tell the world what she is spending her money on then I guess she has that right. That being said, the one thing you can do it talk to her about how you feel when she does this. I suggest you do it in the least confrontational way as possible. I would start off by saying something like this, “Mom, I notice that the past few time people have asked about (venue, dress, whatever), you tend to tell them how much it costs. How come? (Don’t say “Why?” Saying “why” often triggers flight or flight in people, so they tend to get defensive). Be genuine when you ask her “how come?” as you would be when asking someone anything you are interested in. Hopefully this will open up as to why she is doing it so you can genuinely understand. Then let her know that you understand her AND that at the same time when she does this it makes you really uncomfortable. Ask her to help you, “Mom, I need your help. Can you please not do that anymore? (or at least not at the wedding). Most importantly, no matter what you say keep calm! It sounds like your mom is emotionally reactive to confrontation, so smile and ask her to help you. Hopefully she won’t read your request as accusation. Good luck!

Post # 4
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I agree with PP. Tell her that it makes you feel bad when she says things like this, especially since you are so appreciative that your parents are paying for it. Comments like this put you on the spot.

She may not realize how hurtful the comments are, but I’m sure once you say something non-confrontational, she’ll curb it.

Post # 5
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Agree, focus on how it makes you feel and that you worry that guests will be adding everything up at the wedding ha, if you stay non confrontational and just say ” please for me don’t do this anymore” maybe she’ll comply.

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