(Closed) Need some advice from you bees! Moving in…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Many people contribute a % of their income to cover house hold costs. So he would be paying more in actual dollars, but you would both be paying the same % of your income.

so if he makes 20% more than you, he would pay 60% of the rent.

Post # 4
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have never done 50/50 with my FI….I make considerably less than him, and need to save money for the summer when I’m laid off (at least 3 pay periods worth)…..

I give him x amount and he uses it for rent, etc…..it’s never been a bone of contention (for the most part) and since he’s almost out of debt, he can then start putting more onto our mortgage…

he knew going into our relationship that I would not make much more than i do unless I go back to school…but more student loans would not be optimal at this point since we are comfortable with both our incomes….His goal is so that I don’t HAVE to work if I don’t want to….which would be awesome…..but of course I would…but it would be gravy to us….

Post # 5
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

When I moved in with my FI, he still pays the mortgage like he did before I came. But I buy our groceries, and pay at times when we go out to eat, etc. Just talk to him and figure out something you’re both comfortable with.

Post # 7
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Yup, you split as a % of your incomes. Otherwise wouldn’t be fair.

Post # 8
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@allyouneedislove: One reason (among many) that supports this is if you were living by yourself or living with a roommate where you had to pay 50% of things, then you would likely live in a cheaper location. When you pool two incomes, it allows for a bit nicer place.

Post # 9
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I should also mention that when I DID get a raise we decided to put the money into a savings account….then we had a bit of an emergency fund if we needed it…it’s now part of our wedding fund as well…

Post # 10
Member
578 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I definitely agree that a percentage is more fair than splitting 50/50.  You can open a joint account and each contribute a percentage of your salary, and use it for rent, bills, groceries, dinners out, saving for vacations together, etc.  

I also moved in with my husband (boyfriend at the time) directly from being a LDR and had very different salaries.  We decided to combine our finances right away because we felt that was the easiest thing to do and we had no doubt we would be getting engaged and married within a year or two.  We opened a joint account and combined our paychecks, and we consider all expenses to be shared and all money to be “ours”.  I am a big advocate of combining finances because I feel it was the best thing for our relationship– it requires a lot of communication, alignment of values, and planning for the future.  My husband said that “financial intimacy” was an important aspect of our relationship.  He is a huge nerd.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck and congratulations on moving in together!  

Post # 11
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

we don’t combine our incomes….I give him x amount to pay stuff then I have my own expenses come out of my account….groceries etc also come out of my account…

I just like being independent….and I think it will stay this way even after being married….I’m on FI’s account for ease if anything happens….

Changing accounts is a pain…I have so many direct withdrawals that i would be a chore….

Post # 12
Member
4583 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t really have any advice on how to bring up the topic, sorry! But personally, I agree with you that you shouldn’t be expected to split everything 50/50.

I moved in with DH a year before we even got engaged and I make WAY less than him at my PT job, so it was understood that he would continue to pay the mortgage and household bills and I would pitch in for groceries and otherwise help by doing most of the shopping, errands and household chores since I have more free time. This just made sense because, like you, it was not simply a roommate situation – we knew at that point that we were headed in the direction of marriage.

I hope you figure out a plan that you can both be happy with.

Post # 13
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I like the comment above about “financial intimacy”. When my DH and I moved in together we had the following issues: He doesn’t manage money well but has a good income; I manage well but my income is based soley on commission so very erratic. From day one (prior to engagement by 2 years) we opened joint checking & savings accounts and he had his paycheck directly deposited into it. I manage all our income, pay all our bills and keep us solvent and happy. I own my own business and have a small amount of debt. He is not at all interested in who contributes what amount of money. Although I make far less income, I keep us together financially and that has value.

Personally, I’d hesitate to move in with someone who expected me to go halves on expenses he already covered. Obviously I’d contribute with whatever I could, but I wouldn’t want a dollar amount as an expectation. Some couples live on the higher income and use the lower income towards savings and/or fun money. You’re not a roommate – you’re a partner.

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