(Closed) need some advice on a disagreement me and my FI are having

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This is really strange – is he worried that you guys are going to be going out to strip joints or something like that?

I really don’t see why he can argue against it – it’s just some of your friends throwing a party for you getting married, which they totally didn’t have to do. Honestly, I would want him to explain why he’s not comfortable with this. Is he usually reluctant for you to go out with your girlfriends? Has he tried to stop you going on trips in the past?

Post # 4
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Maybe you should get him to focus on how nice it is that your friends are putting this together. If he can’t articulate a legitimate concern with the party, then he’s being unreasonable. If there’s certain aspects or activities he’s not comfortable with, you can compromise. But it’s unfair for him to have the power to nix the whole party without considering your feelings or trying compromise.

Post # 5
Hostess
3000 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

he might be worried your girlfriends would suggest inappropriate things or be bad influences.  But I don’t get why he is opposed to a joint party.  I love the idea of jack and jill bachelor/bachlorette parties, I have the most fun with my SO so I would want him to join the party!  Maybe say something like “I always have the best time with you and I think it would be awesome if you invited some of your guy friends and we just had a fun laid back party together before the big day….nothing crazy!”

 

Post # 6
Member
9063 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Pick your battles. You’re going to have lots of opportunities to have nights out with your girlfriends — is a bachelorette party any different?

If it were me, I wouldn’t fight it. Have a casual outing with friends at a later date.

Post # 7
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Is it possible that he thinks it will involve strippers and he has a problem with that?

Post # 8
Member
9230 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I wouldn’t be ok with my FI being so controlling and unreasonable about what should be a super fun and innocent part of my wedding experience!

Post # 10
Member
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Hyperventilate:  I’m with you on this one- it might not be worth the conflict and stress during the lead-up to the wedding.

It’s a little odd that he is so non-communicative about what his issue is- but if you really want to do it maybe try to talk more about it when the dust settles and see if you can find a compromise that he is more comfortable with. 

Post # 11
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I was against bacholor/bacholorette parties. I knew from movies and gossip that they stereotypicaly involved strippers and lots of alcohol. And I didn’t want my FI within a mile of one. I trust my FI… to a point. Once you have peer pressure, social expectations and some alcohol, you don’t always have it in you to behave in a way that respects your FI’s feelings, expecially if you think they are too harsh. And this was extremely hard to say to my FI without coming across as a mean, controlling, untrusting person. It took me a long time to work out how to say more than “I don’t want you to have one.” 

But he did understand. And he goes to bacholor parties now reminding me that he will leave if strippers turn up or people are getting drunk. He knows it makes it easier for me to sleep at night and that is important to him. 

Post # 12
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@imanw:  nope, it’s not enough that he simply doesn’t want you to have one. Marriage is about communication and understanding. It’s not typical for a FI to refuse a bachelorette party so he should explain himself. Wtf?!

Post # 13
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

If this were me, I would try to simplify things for him. He can make a choice – 

1. He tells you why he isn’t comfortable with it and you act in the same way. You two communicate and compromise by canceling or changing plans.

2. He continues to just say he doesn’t like it and you act in the same, selfish way by going anyways. 

Post # 14
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@sept22insf: THIS. 

To those who are saying to just let it slide, what is the point of an engagement if not to hash out communication issues? The OP’s fiance is being needlessly controlling and, to top that off, uncommunicative. Her friends are trying to plan her a party. I would not be ok with my future husband trying to control my behavior like this, without so much as an explanation.

Post # 15
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

You are not alone. I had a bachelorette night out (just super casual dinner) and it was sweet that 10 of my friends wanted to celebrate with me. My FI got upset that a few of us went to a bar after dinner. I was so offended that he got upset about it that we had an argument. It was stupid. My goodness I hate when I’m told I can’t do something.

Post # 16
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yes, this is a fight worth having.

No, you are not being selfish.

This is a big freaking deal. Not the party itself, but him being so unreasonable and controlling.

Is he controlling and domineering in other aspects of your life, too?

I would not marry him until it’s resolved.

The topic ‘need some advice on a disagreement me and my FI are having’ is closed to new replies.

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