Post # 1
My friends have offered to throw me a bachelorette party in Atlanta. They are serious about it too. They’ve formed a committee which is so sweet. So I told my FI about it and he got so angry. We had talked about him not wanting us to have bachelor/bachelorette parties in the past but he never gave a good reason why not. When I heard my friends were planning such an awesome night I shared the texts of the plans they were making hoping he’d see how nice they were being and that it is just going to be a few girlfriends out on the town. Nothing crazy. He just kept saying he doesn’t think its a good idea. He said these.kinds of parties are dumb. He kept asking me why I had to have one. I don’t HAVE to have one but I want one. And I’m angry because he wont explain why he thinks its a bad idea. He even said “is it not enough that I don’t want you to go?” So I offered to do a joint party. He isn’t interested. I’m confused. Is this a fight worth having? Am I being selfish? I just feel like we need better communication about this.
Post # 3
This is really strange – is he worried that you guys are going to be going out to strip joints or something like that?
I really don’t see why he can argue against it – it’s just some of your friends throwing a party for you getting married, which they totally didn’t have to do. Honestly, I would want him to explain why he’s not comfortable with this. Is he usually reluctant for you to go out with your girlfriends? Has he tried to stop you going on trips in the past?
Post # 4
Maybe you should get him to focus on how nice it is that your friends are putting this together. If he can’t articulate a legitimate concern with the party, then he’s being unreasonable. If there’s certain aspects or activities he’s not comfortable with, you can compromise. But it’s unfair for him to have the power to nix the whole party without considering your feelings or trying compromise.
Post # 5
he might be worried your girlfriends would suggest inappropriate things or be bad influences. But I don’t get why he is opposed to a joint party. I love the idea of jack and jill bachelor/bachlorette parties, I have the most fun with my SO so I would want him to join the party! Maybe say something like “I always have the best time with you and I think it would be awesome if you invited some of your guy friends and we just had a fun laid back party together before the big day….nothing crazy!”
Post # 6
Pick your battles. You’re going to have lots of opportunities to have nights out with your girlfriends — is a bachelorette party any different?
If it were me, I wouldn’t fight it. Have a casual outing with friends at a later date.
Post # 7
Is it possible that he thinks it will involve strippers and he has a problem with that?
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I wouldn’t be ok with my FI being so controlling and unreasonable about what should be a super fun and innocent part of my wedding experience!
Post # 10
@Hyperventilate: I’m with you on this one- it might not be worth the conflict and stress during the lead-up to the wedding.
It’s a little odd that he is so non-communicative about what his issue is- but if you really want to do it maybe try to talk more about it when the dust settles and see if you can find a compromise that he is more comfortable with.
Post # 11
I was against bacholor/bacholorette parties. I knew from movies and gossip that they stereotypicaly involved strippers and lots of alcohol. And I didn’t want my FI within a mile of one. I trust my FI… to a point. Once you have peer pressure, social expectations and some alcohol, you don’t always have it in you to behave in a way that respects your FI’s feelings, expecially if you think they are too harsh. And this was extremely hard to say to my FI without coming across as a mean, controlling, untrusting person. It took me a long time to work out how to say more than “I don’t want you to have one.”
But he did understand. And he goes to bacholor parties now reminding me that he will leave if strippers turn up or people are getting drunk. He knows it makes it easier for me to sleep at night and that is important to him.
Post # 12
@imanw: nope, it’s not enough that he simply doesn’t want you to have one. Marriage is about communication and understanding. It’s not typical for a FI to refuse a bachelorette party so he should explain himself. Wtf?!
Post # 13
If this were me, I would try to simplify things for him. He can make a choice –
1. He tells you why he isn’t comfortable with it and you act in the same way. You two communicate and compromise by canceling or changing plans.
2. He continues to just say he doesn’t like it and you act in the same, selfish way by going anyways.
Post # 14
To those who are saying to just let it slide, what is the point of an engagement if not to hash out communication issues? The OP’s fiance is being needlessly controlling and, to top that off, uncommunicative. Her friends are trying to plan her a party. I would not be ok with my future husband trying to control my behavior like this, without so much as an explanation.
Post # 15
You are not alone. I had a bachelorette night out (just super casual dinner) and it was sweet that 10 of my friends wanted to celebrate with me. My FI got upset that a few of us went to a bar after dinner. I was so offended that he got upset about it that we had an argument. It was stupid. My goodness I hate when I’m told I can’t do something.
Post # 16
Yes, this is a fight worth having.
No, you are not being selfish.
This is a big freaking deal. Not the party itself, but him being so unreasonable and controlling.
Is he controlling and domineering in other aspects of your life, too?
I would not marry him until it’s resolved.