(Closed) Need some advice… Pre wedding jitters or something more?!?!?!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

At the very least, you should try pre-marital counseling. Losing a deposit is still a hella of lot less expensive than a divorce!

Have you talked to your friends/parents about it? They may not want to tell you the truth because their worried about upsetting you, etc.You might want to open the door to some honest opinions from those who know him personally.

*Hugs I think these are very valid concerns, if you can’t communicate with him, then how can you survive a marriage? I hope you the best!

Post # 4
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

First of all Im really sorry about all of this. I do not think you are over reacting at all! Marriage is a big step and not something that should not be taken lightly. You should be 110% sure before you  marry someone. I hate to say it but things do not get better after you are married. Marriage is very hard and if things are not great before there is a good chance they will not be great after either. Having affection from your loved one is a really big deal. Everyone needs to get physical and verbal affection, and if your husband will not give you that who will. Also communication is HUGE. If he is not willing to communicate with you a marriage is going to be very difficult. I think if he refuses to talk about it or get help with you, you have some serious thinking to do. Sure you already spent money and so did everyone else, but that is no reason to get married. There is really  no reason to marry someone unless you are 100% happy with them and can not think of spending your life with out them. I wish you all the best.

Post # 5
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Is this how he’s always been, or is this a new development? How long have you been dating? Honestly, if people care enough to pay to come to Mexico to see you get married they’ll care more about you being happy in your marriage than losing a deposit. Guests and money should NOT be an influencing factor when deciding to get married, these people love you and want the best for you.

It sounds like even if you tried to talk to him about this, he probably wouldn’t communicate. What is your gut? Do you see yourself with this guy 30, 40, 50 years from now? If you think he will stay like this, you are clearly not satisfied and you should be! If you think counseling will help, try it… but he might not even be open to going. This is a huge decision and you deserve to be at peace with it!

Your bees are here for you no matter what!

Post # 6
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’d first seek out a counselor and go to couples’ counseling.  I’m a huge fan of Dr. Harley and the Marriage Builders approach btw!

Maybe find a marriage builders counselor in your area and begin with checking out the website, http://www.marriagebuilders.com, and learn the basics.

I think the book “His Needs/Her Needs” is an excellent place to start.  Now’s the time to get hoppin on this.

I wish you both love and happiness and hope this all goes well.

Post # 7
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t get married just because your friends or family may lose some money.  I’m sure they would rather you not get married than make a huge mistake to make sure they didn’t lose some money.  And, is there a reason they  couldn’t go to the resort as a regular vacation if the money is an issue?  I’m sure the money would not be an issue for anyone who cares about you.  

 

 

Post # 8
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

It actually sounds like it isn’t you, but that he’s suffering from some depression or some major adjustment issues in his life (impossible, obviously, to diagnose from here)…

I think an objective 3rd party would be in order to help evaluate things either together or seperate.

Best of luck!

Post # 9
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This behavior is definitely not something to brush off now, whether it’s a new development or not. Counseling would be ideal, but if he won’t go, I would tell him what you’re not happy with and maybe spend some time apart to give him a chance to think about how he feels. Definitely talk to your family about what’s going on so they don’t think this is coming out of the blue.

FI and I encountered some problems in earlier stages of our engagement, and I felt horrible even thinking about potentially canceling the wedding (and this was without nonrefundable deposits.) In the end, he was willing to change what made me unhappy, which showed me that I was making the right choice. Don’t settle for something that you are unhappy with.

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I recommend pre-marriage counseling for the 2 of you. It sounds like you need a 3rd person to help open the lines of communication.

And I really think you need to put the non-refundable deposits at the back of your mind. I really think your family would prefer that you avoid making a mistake then losing a bit of money.

Post # 11
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

it sounds like he’s depressed – see a counselor right away.. a 3rd party would be a good objective way to figure out what’s up.

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