Post # 1
My wedding is in 5 months and I am starting to have concerns… which really sucks cause over 30 people paid a non-refundable deposit as it is in Mexico!
I am starting to see some red flags… and I just want to know if I am overreacting:
He is kind of distant… doesn’t cuddle, whenever I try his automatic response is to put his hands up to push me away. We NEVER really kiss… just little pecks on the lips.He never compliments me, hugs me, acts sweet. And we probably have sex 1-2 times a month (and believe me it isn’t from lack of me trying). oh… and he NEVER wants to talk about any of the above. He automatically calls me a nag if I bring it up. He says that he is tired… yet, he has enough energy to work out 5 or 6 days a week. And he also says if I would help out with more house work he would be in a better mood and hence better relationship… But I have been doing lots lately and still no chance! I am usually a very affectionate person.
Also he is kind of rude with his family… He never acknowledges their birthdays, his parents, siblings or nieces and nephews. Also, he seems to fight with his sister alot. She lives with his parents with her husband and two small children which he don’t think is fair because he has to pay a mortgage… so his mother suggested she buy them out of the will… now ever since then he has been pushing her to make a decision. And also, his father isnt coming to our wedding because he doesnt like to fly (even though my mother never flew before, she wouldnt even consider missing it).
Do you think I am just pre wedding jittery or is this serious? Helppppppppp!
Post # 3
At the very least, you should try pre-marital counseling. Losing a deposit is still a hella of lot less expensive than a divorce!
Have you talked to your friends/parents about it? They may not want to tell you the truth because their worried about upsetting you, etc.You might want to open the door to some honest opinions from those who know him personally.
*Hugs I think these are very valid concerns, if you can’t communicate with him, then how can you survive a marriage? I hope you the best!
Post # 4
First of all Im really sorry about all of this. I do not think you are over reacting at all! Marriage is a big step and not something that should not be taken lightly. You should be 110% sure before you marry someone. I hate to say it but things do not get better after you are married. Marriage is very hard and if things are not great before there is a good chance they will not be great after either. Having affection from your loved one is a really big deal. Everyone needs to get physical and verbal affection, and if your husband will not give you that who will. Also communication is HUGE. If he is not willing to communicate with you a marriage is going to be very difficult. I think if he refuses to talk about it or get help with you, you have some serious thinking to do. Sure you already spent money and so did everyone else, but that is no reason to get married. There is really no reason to marry someone unless you are 100% happy with them and can not think of spending your life with out them. I wish you all the best.
Post # 5
Is this how he’s always been, or is this a new development? How long have you been dating? Honestly, if people care enough to pay to come to Mexico to see you get married they’ll care more about you being happy in your marriage than losing a deposit. Guests and money should NOT be an influencing factor when deciding to get married, these people love you and want the best for you.
It sounds like even if you tried to talk to him about this, he probably wouldn’t communicate. What is your gut? Do you see yourself with this guy 30, 40, 50 years from now? If you think he will stay like this, you are clearly not satisfied and you should be! If you think counseling will help, try it… but he might not even be open to going. This is a huge decision and you deserve to be at peace with it!
Your bees are here for you no matter what!
Post # 6
I’d first seek out a counselor and go to couples’ counseling. I’m a huge fan of Dr. Harley and the Marriage Builders approach btw!
Maybe find a marriage builders counselor in your area and begin with checking out the website, http://www.marriagebuilders.com, and learn the basics.
I think the book “His Needs/Her Needs” is an excellent place to start. Now’s the time to get hoppin on this.
I wish you both love and happiness and hope this all goes well.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t get married just because your friends or family may lose some money. I’m sure they would rather you not get married than make a huge mistake to make sure they didn’t lose some money. And, is there a reason they couldn’t go to the resort as a regular vacation if the money is an issue? I’m sure the money would not be an issue for anyone who cares about you.
Post # 8
It actually sounds like it isn’t you, but that he’s suffering from some depression or some major adjustment issues in his life (impossible, obviously, to diagnose from here)…
I think an objective 3rd party would be in order to help evaluate things either together or seperate.
Best of luck!
Post # 9
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This behavior is definitely not something to brush off now, whether it’s a new development or not. Counseling would be ideal, but if he won’t go, I would tell him what you’re not happy with and maybe spend some time apart to give him a chance to think about how he feels. Definitely talk to your family about what’s going on so they don’t think this is coming out of the blue.
FI and I encountered some problems in earlier stages of our engagement, and I felt horrible even thinking about potentially canceling the wedding (and this was without nonrefundable deposits.) In the end, he was willing to change what made me unhappy, which showed me that I was making the right choice. Don’t settle for something that you are unhappy with.
Post # 10
I recommend pre-marriage counseling for the 2 of you. It sounds like you need a 3rd person to help open the lines of communication.
And I really think you need to put the non-refundable deposits at the back of your mind. I really think your family would prefer that you avoid making a mistake then losing a bit of money.
Post # 11
it sounds like he’s depressed – see a counselor right away.. a 3rd party would be a good objective way to figure out what’s up.