(Closed) need some advice…DH says not enough time in the bedroom…

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
2227 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’ve been in a similar situation. My 2 cents are… make the time: Schedule it in if you have to, because sex is the one thing that seperates your marriage from a platonic friendship. I was on the opposite end of rejection and it doesn’t feel good (granted, it was because of medical problems). Eventually, I stopped innitiating and neither of us felt good about it. My advice, again, do it on your terms but for got sake ‘only on weekends’ can get a little bland!!

Post # 4
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Sex is incredibly important to maintain the intimacy of your marriage.  It’s tough when you’re so busy, but really, is anything in the world more important than your husband’s happiness and wellbeing?

I know you’ve got a lot on your plate right now, but maybe sit down with your husband and explain that he is the most important thing to you, and you want to make sure he feels wanted and loved.  You know that sex is an important way for him to feel loved, and you realize that getting rejected is tough to take.  But, you’re so overwhelmed and need help to rearrange your schedule and priorities to make him at the very top. 

Men typically like to problem solve, so asking him for help in making more time in your schedule (ie. can he do housework while you’re in class, so you can come home and get it on) may be a good place to start. 

Post # 5
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’ve got to agree with Future. It’s important, and extremely important to guys, that you make time–maybe just one other night a week, and scheduling can help–gets you ready/excited for it emotionally. And once you get into it, you’ll enjoy it and it will relieve some stress.

My things is always: What will you do when he stops asking? Has he given up on you? I’d never want that. Is he satisfying himself someway? I wouldn’t want that either.

Post # 6
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Another vote here for scheduling sex. I have the higher sex drive in our relationship, and rejection really sucks. But sitting down and figuring out 2-3 times a week that will work for both of us–and then committing to it–ensures that we don’t fall into the never-doing-it trap. It also takes a lot of the pressure of initiating off if you agree ahead of time when it’s going to happen.

Post # 7
18645 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Is there anything he can do to help take some of the stress off?  I try to get my husband to do some work around the house, chores, and cooking sometimes because doing it all myself all the time makes me not want to be intimate at all.

You need time to rest and recharge during the week instead of being go go go all the time, especially before you two have a baby!

Post # 8
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ll agree with the other bee’s and say “You have to make time”. If we could live in a perfectly balanced world where we had time and energy for everyone and everything there wouldn’t be a need for some support.

I’ve been on both sides of the fence. My first husband hounded me for sex 8 days a week/25 hours a day and we didn’t have good communication skills. My second (now) husband is the one who is tired or tells me “later”. I’ve talked with him on several occasions and he says he’ll step up. It took a lot of these talks for him to realize that sex is an important part of a marital relationship and needs to carve out time in his schedule for us. Having sex can be a quickie or a whole night of lovemaking. If sex in my marriage isn’t worth ______ (insert time frame) then what can I give up to make time for it?

Post # 9
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

There’s definitely things that you BOTH need to do to fix this.

1. My favorite teacher on family says this: (from her perspective)

“If you want kissy kissy at 11, then I need you in the kitchen at 7.”

He definitely should be picking up the slack. Y’all are a team and in times that your stretched thin he needs to do his part to help the 2 of you.


2. You need to make the time, schedule it, take some time in the day to stop and get back to just loving your Darling Husband.

Things that help: Send him random text just being sweet…. or sexy… Stop to think about a romantic thing he’s done before.. etc

Men NEED sexual intimacy… it’s how they feel loved. It’s even moreso for them than it is for us and we don’t like being rejected either.

I’m a big believer in communication… you both get on the same page and it CAN be worked through =)

Post # 10
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Wow, I was actually surprised by the advice in this thread, but I appreciate all of it and agree with it.  It’s come to my attention that a lot of my girlfriends have really negative attidudes toward sex with their husbands!  It was good for me to hear this advice, too, as someone who is also hounded 24/7 by her Fiance, haha.  Things really do improve in our house the more we make time to do it.

Post # 11
1903 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with the above – allocate time, gets things done earlier in the day or put them off for the next day, build up a routine and you will start thinking it’s just a part of your week – like working!

Post # 13
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Just make it work.  I know that sometimes sex can be the last thing on your mind.  But let’s be honest.. most men don’t last long enough to scratch a whole night of valuable study lol. 


He will be happy, you will be happy and your homework will get done 😛

Post # 14
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

He may be getting frustrated with doing extra housework because he’s still not getting more intimacy in return.  PPs have all given good suggestions.  I want to add that it doesn’t ALWAYS have to be spontaneous and monumental.  Schedule in a few quickies here and there between studying for one class and another.  And… some housework can be postponed till another day for the sake of your relationship with your husband. So what if the laundry is finished tomorrow instead of today!

Post # 15
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If he wants to feel it’s more spontaneous, I’d just like to add that he doesn’t need to know you’ve scheduled it.

To be honest, it sounds like you are taking on too much and something is going to break, and that’s your relationship right now (because either your or your husband is angry at the situation).  You might seriously consider decreasing your classload or workload in order to make more time in your schedule.  Figure out what you can let go (yes, that might mean eating a lot of quick pasta dinners or sandwiches from subway) and contemplate spending a few bucks on a housecleaner once a month.

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