Post # 1
DH has been staying up till 3 in the morning lately. No big deal but red flags started flying. So I checked our phone account. He’s been texting his female (45 years old) coworker till early hours of the morning. In the past 3 weeks they have sent 3,000 text messages between them. They have also sent about 100 picture messages between them. Some being at 5 in te morning. Now she works till 11:30 at night but they text every minute that one of them is not working.
I questioned him about it last night and he said nothing is going on. The pictures are of random gifs or tattoos. He said that she’s just a friend.
Now here is where I’m on the fence about it. He takes me to breakfast where he works. I surprise him sometimes with dinner t work and he’s introduced me to everyone. She knows who I am, she knows I’m pregnant, and she knows we are married.
Sorry for the misspelling I’m on my phone.
Do you ladies think its harmless?
Post # 3
I don’t think anything that makes you feel insecure is harmless, and I think having constant conversation or early-morning conversation with a female friend is, at bare minimum, opening the door for something bad. If the pictures are all just normal goofy stuff then it probably is just innocent – now. But I wouldn’t let it continue. I would tell him you think it’s inappropriate to spend so much time texting another woman, no matter who she is or what the conversations are about, and ask him to tone down his friendship with her. Be sure to not sound like you’re accusing him of something he didn’t do, though, and make sure he knows it makes you uncomfortable and insecure. Don’t tell him to stop talking to her or anything like that. Make the issue about the frequency/method/time of communications, not just about her in general.
Post # 4
@figgnewton: didn’t you two have some issues with his infidelity in the past? Taking that into account, yes– I would be highly suspect and seriously, seriously consider getting into see a professional ASAP. Cleary, there is a lack of trust between you two [ which I can see why] and he has some relational boundaries that he keeps crossing. I would not let this go.
Post # 5
I would definitely find this super-sketchy. Maybe it’s how he’s coping with the expecting a baby stress?
Post # 6
Not okay. That’s really excessive communication in my opinion. Most affairs begin at work too = My dad was sexting/talking to one of his coworkers constantly. I’m the one who found out about it and had to tell my mom about it, so I’m very mistrusting about excessive phone conversations when it’s not between a man and wife.
Edit: This woman had met my mom many many times at different work parties and because my mom had to pick up/drop off my dad at work everyday because he couldn’t drive for medical reasons. My dad even introduced her to my younger sister when she ran into them while they were at Starbucks together. He said it was a “work meeting”, which it wasn’t. Some people really don’t care if you’re married or have a family.
Post # 7
@figgnewton: I don’t think it’s harmless and I always think you should trust your gut. I don’t think sending that many texts and pictures, regardless of the content, is appropriate for a married man and a female who isn’t his wife. I don’t think this at ALL. It doesn’t matter if people at work know he’s married – think of sites like Ashley Madison and the morals of a whole lot of people. Some women just don’t care.
My question is, are the long text conversations taking him away from things he should be doing, i.e. going to sleep with his wife, taking care of his daughter, being a good husband and father? I can’t see how it wouldn’t be and I also can’t see how anyone – other than you – is important enough to stay awake through all hours of the night to talk to. Also, if it was so harmless, he wouldn’t have been hiding it from you (choosing not to tell you is the same thing).
Post # 8
@Cory_loves_this_girl: +1. I work in an office and I cannot even begin to tell you how many affairs and inappropriate conduct goes on. It’s just sickening. You spend more time with the people you work with than your family anyway…so why spend family time with coworkers too? :-
Post # 9
@MrsPanda99: I completely agree… why does he have to spend working, family and sleeping hours communicating with this lady? This is not fine with me. Ask him to see the conversation.
He obviously thinks that chatting with her is more important than sleep. 1,000 texts in one week! Does he communicate with you as often? 100 pictures? No way!
Ask to see his phone. Do it openly and do not snoop. If the phone memory is empty, I would still be suspicious!
I’m so sorry for you to be in this.
Post # 10
@figgnewton: Whatever is going on, it’s a little extreme and I think regardless of propriety or untoward intentions, staying up till three in the morning talking with someone on your phone is excessive and if I’m being honest, kid stuff.
Post # 11
I also want to add that even if it is just pictures of GIFS or tattoos that they find funny/interesting, they are probably using those as ways to get closer to each other or more bonded. It’s not necessarily just the content of what they are sending each other, but the frequency of the communication is going nowhere good very quickly.
Post # 12
sadly I know it happens in the work place too much. A coworker of mime just got divorced because his wife wa cheating with multiple men who he worked with!!! I’m like people are that dirty/scummy to do that?!?!?
what does a 45 year old want with a fckn 21 year old?!? I feel humiliated and stupid. Seriously though, if I Can’t keep my own husband entertained that’s pretty sad on my part.
Post # 13
I think the number he is sending is a little excessive – I don’t text my fiance that much and it is our main line of communication!!
A question I would ask is…Is he naturally awake at that time and so is she so they text each other, or is he staying awake/waking up specifically to text her? If it is the latter then it is a problem, definitely.
But there is no need for excessive texting.
Post # 14
@figgnewton: I know when DH was in his early 20s, he was into the older women and they were into him. I think he liked it because it probably seemed a little taboo?
Post # 15
@figgnewton: This is absolutely not ok, IMO. If something isn’t already happening between the two, it probably will in the future. This is how affairs start. He needs to end it now.
As for you, it is not your job to keep your husband “entertained.” A marriage is 100%/100%. If your husband is feeling unfulfilled, it is his job to come to you, discuss it and help determine a possible solution – not seek fulfillment from outside of your marriage. If he is, it’s HIS failing; not yours.
Post # 16
@Cory_loves_this_girl: that much older? maybe I’m more naive then I thought):