Need some Bridesmaid Advice

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think that you should no longer inculde her as a bridesmaid, but you are also over reacting.

The girls so have a life out side your wedding and, even though she had nothing planned for his birthday doesnt mean she cant spend it with him. Thats his day, not yet yours. Don’t make her pick between you and him its not fair. 

Post # 5
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Nikkimcq:  

Well then I would just flat out ask her whats up. See how it goes from there. 

Post # 6
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Seattle, WA

Is this a new relationship?  Sometimes that’s just how it goes, the girl becomes so infatuated with the boyfriend that she can’t seem to make time for anyone else.  I’m not excusing her behavior, but I can sort of understand it, to a point.  I agree with her on the birthday thing, it’s normal to celebrate a weekday birthday on the weekend before or after.  So i wouldn’t blame her for not committing to anythying wedding-related on that day.  As long as she commits to being there for you on the day of your wedding, there’s not much else you can ask her for.

Post # 7
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Nikkimcq:  She can’t meet your expectations, so she needs to step down. I, honestly, wouldn’t expect what you are, even to dress shoip together, but to each their own. If she is being flaky now I can only see this creating headaches for you later. Probably best to ask her to step down before you need her help with anything else.

Post # 8
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Nikkimcq:  You don’t have a BM problem, you have a friend problem.  We all have that friend who, as soon as she gets a BF, essentially disappears.  It’s super annoying, I hear ya!

However,  I don’t think you should ask her to step down or ask her if she wants too.  Removing someone from your bridal party is pretty much a friendship ending move and I don’t think she’s done anything worth ending the friendship over – not yet at least.

I think I’d inviter her out for coffee or drinks and explain how you feel.  I’d let her know that you feel a little neglected, as though she has no time for you or any one else any more.  I’d leave the wedding 100% out of it. 

ETA:  I actually think it’s acceptable to miss a day where you pick out BMs dresses because it’s your BF’s birthday.  BM dress shopping it’s a required event (though she would forfit her voting rights).  Did your other BMs even clear it with her?  It’s kind of unfair to expect her to just be free on whatever day you want…

 

Post # 13
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Nikkimcq:  I think this is more of a friend problem than a bridesmaid problem because if they are allowed to pick their own dresses why is it such a big deal that she give up her BF’s b-day party to go dress shopping with the rest of the BMs? If she is “lacking in help” as you put it in your OP, I would sit down with her and explain your feelings about it.

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