(Closed) need some cheering up…

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Is there a chance that he is just toying with you.. and he did get you the ring?

Post # 5
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

@zalonia:

Sometimes men are so absent-minded. Last year on my birthday he asked what I would like. I told him that I wasn’t sure yet and that I’d have to think about it. I didn’t get around to telling him what I wanted (because I wasn’t sure, and I thought he would surprise me) and all I got was a card. That’s it. No gift certificate in it, no money, NOTHING. I opened that card infront of my whole family and everyone just looked at me and him as if to say: “Really? That’s it??”. My b/f was so impressed by the card he got me because it was one of those musical ones. I was so crushed. I told him how hurt I was and his excuse was – “You didn’t tell me what you wanted.” I went on to explain that just because I didn’t tell him what I wanted, he should know me well enough by now to already know what kind of stuff I like and what interests me. If he didn’t know by now, then he’d never know. He couldn’t even get me flowers. I’m not materialistic whatsoever, but come on… It’s my birthday. I’m not looking forward to my b-day this year at all for that reason exactly. Oh, and cuz i’m turning 30. Not happy ’bout that either, lol.

Anyhoo my point is, is that guys need things spelled out for them. If you want something you’ve got to come right out and say: “I want a ring. THIS one. And I’d like it soon.” Don’t drop hints, or beat around the bush because they won’t get it. It sounds a little harsh, but sometimes guys need a little push. Ok, maybe not a ‘push’, but maybe just a little ‘tap’ or something, lol.

GVD

Post # 6
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I thought you two broke up.. did you manage to patch things up?

Post # 8
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Aw, honey. If you aren’t happy, you shouldn’t get engaged. It won’t fix anything, it will further complicate things. It will also make you upset when you realize he just proposed to make you happy and has no real plans for marriage…You deserve someone who is EXCITED to be with you, who cannot stand thinking about a life without you. Take some you time and spend time with the girls. If you do want this to work, don’t be surprised if his attitude continues into the rest of your life.

*Hugs*

Post # 9
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@zalonia: I’m so sorry you are unhappy. Do you share the rent cost? There has to be a way to have him move out and live with a friend or you move out and live with a friend or family until you get on your feet. Money issues would not stop me if my happiness were on the line or if I were serious about getting the point across to my BF. What about just a week’s stay somewhere? Anything?

Because I really hope you are wrong and he is surprising you, but if you are right, yoiu can’t go on like this.

Post # 10
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

All I can say is focus on you, not on him. It is a hard shift to make, but it seems to me it is the only change you can make right now. You have to do this, or the resentment you are currently feeling will only get worse and your situation will only get worse. While I think it is a HORRIBLE idea to keep living with him, I understand that you feel trapped because of finances. However, if there is a WILL there is a WAY. You need to focus on you, dig deep and find your way out of this! Please don’t lose yourself in this situation. It is so so so easy to do. We are all pulling for you and know that you have it in you somewhere, you just need to let it bubble up to the surface. Start with small things, reading a book you like at a book store (out of the house and away from him), catching lunch or dinner with friends, taking family to the movies (matinee if you’re strapped for cash) and most importantly, setting up a savings account and putting $10 here and there in it until you can build a financial base!

We’re rooting for you!!

Post # 11
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow,  I am sorry you are feeling like this. If you are starting to feel like you HATE him and he needs to move out, well then you need to move out or someone does. Maybe tell him why you are thinking that it is over. I know you are financially dependent on each other. But if you are this unhappy, it is time to bite the bullet and figure out what to do next. Move in with family or a friend. Rent a room somewhere if you have to. My guess is, if he moves you will not be able to pay rent on your own. If that is the case you really need to figure out what you are going to do financially for yourself. What if tomorrow he just left or something? Not that he would but it does happen.

Basically, it sounds like you are fed up. Idk how long you two have been together but I see you have a long engagement.  You can’t make anyone marry you or give you what for your birthday. Some times you just have to do what you have to do. In this case, it may even ruin you financially but it will be a hard lessoned learned about financial independence. Good luck I hope everything works for both of you know matter what decision you make.

Post # 12
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Hugs!
I’m sorry it’s so hard; and you’re unhappy… being financially dependant is not a good reason to make things work though if there are major problems/incompatibility between you two… unless there is really more than that to save in your relationship and you both really really WANT to be together.
Wouldn’t a roomate be an option?
I wish you the best..

Post # 13
Member
938 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I wish you the best too. Please look at roommates/other options so you don’t feel stuck becuase of finances. There is ALWAYS a way. And this is not worth it if you’re so unhappy all the time.

XOXO

Post # 15
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@zalonia: I see. Could you distance yourself even under the same roof? I.e., sleep in separate rooms?

I hope you find work soon. I know how very difficult it is. HUGS

Your title says “Need Cheering up”. Go look at ring porn in the gallery ! Always works for me ! 🙂

Post # 16
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Awww I dont really have any advice, just wanted to give you hugs. Hope things get better.

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